He never wants sex

[Pannene]

I've name changed for this (hopefully).

Before I found out I was pregnant me and partner used to have 'proper sex' often but most of the time he'd only want a handhold (used to say he was tired etc). I then found out I was pregnant and we had sex a couple of times but he still preferred a handjob. I gave birth 5 months and we still haven't had sex. Sometimes I try to initiate it but he ignores me or I say I want to have sex instead but he says that he doesn't want to and asks for a handjob. In other ways, he's a good partner and is very affectionate etc. I just have no idea why he's not interested!

Any advice will be appreciated.

How long have you been together.
Could he have serious issues around sex ,have you asked him .
You need to have a serious talk as it's real not normal

@Pannene

I've name changed for this (hopefully).

Before I found out I was pregnant me and partner used to have 'proper sex' often but most of the time he'd only want a handhold (used to say he was tired etc). I then found out I was pregnant and we had sex a couple of times but he still preferred a handjob. I gave birth 5 months and we still haven't had sex. Sometimes I try to initiate it but he ignores me or I say I want to have sex instead but he says that he doesn't want to and asks for a handjob. In other ways, he's a good partner and is very affectionate etc. I just have no idea why he's not interested!

Any advice will be appreciated.

Handjob not handheld! Stupid autocorrect

@Inthesameboatatmo

How long have you been together. Could he have serious issues around sex ,have you asked him . You need to have a serious talk as it's real not normal

We've been together for nearly 3 years. Whenever I try to ask him he just laughs it off and says there's no reason he doesn't want sex he just prefers me giving him a handjob.

So he gets his release and u don't?

Assuming you agree to his request for non penetrative intimacy, does he reciprocate?

He's suggesting a way for you to sexually satisfy him but showing no interest in meeting you needs?

Is he willing to talk about it or have you no pushed for a serious conversation yet?

Does he at least give you a hand job back?

If not... You realise how unreasonable that is, right?

What do you get in return?

No, he doesn't do anything to me unless he's agreeing to sex but that's rare it's always me having to initiate sex though but most of the time he says he's tired or he doesn't want sex.

Could he have a Madonna complex?

He sounds very selfish!

He's selfish. Does he think you getting him off does anything for you? I'd be knocking that shit on the head.

Sexual incompatibility ends up eating away at a relationship. It needs a tough conversation imo.

So the simple response is just say no. I'm not giving you a hand job. Stop meeting his needs when he isnt reciprocating otherwise your going to start to feel used.

Also I'd keep saying no to anything until he agrees to have a serious discussion about your lack of sex life. I guarantee you if you stop the hand jobs siddenly he wont be laughing off the matter so much .....

Wtf??!
So you want Sex and he says no but you can give me a hand job instead??! What do you get out of it? What a selfish pig.
Why have you been putting up with this 😳

@Flatpancakes23

So the simple response is just say no. I'm not giving you a hand job. Stop meeting his needs when he isnt reciprocating otherwise your going to start to feel used.

This with fucking bells on!

I hate giving hand jobs at the best of times. A partial one as part of sex is okay but from start to finish? No. Your DP gets pleasured while all you get is a cramping arm? Why would you do a sex act when you get nothing in return? Does he think he's some fucking god who you receive joy from by just pleasuring him? He sounds like a selfish arse.

So he gets off and you don't. AND he tells you he's not interested/can't be bothered? What a selfish twat!

Have a serious chat with him about why he's not interested in sex, and why he won't get you off. If he doesn't come up with a sufficient answer either dump him or get yourself a cracking set of sex toys. Good luck

he refuses you sex but wants you to wank him off?

Sod that for a laugh. Of course hes unreasonable, and lazy

That's very selfish.

I don't see how he could be a good partner and affectionate.

I don't mind giving him a handjob occasionally but I still want us to have sex! I will try to speak to him later but he'll probably just brush it off again

Time for a proper talk.

If after that, he's still wanting handjobs without him reciprocating, then I'd have to reconsider whether to remain in a relationship with someone being selfish like this. This kind of selfishness will not be confined to sex. Once you start looking properly, you'll see his selfishness in other areas of your life.

Disgusting level of selfishness from this guy.

If you don't sort this, you will end up with low confidence and self esteem. It eats away at you.
Sounds very selfish
Maybe try counselling, even if it's just for you as you can't communicate on your own about the issue if he's not willing to talk.

Put it this way

You're hungry and ask to sit down and eat.

He says no, but you can cook him some food

You cook him food, but have nothing yourself

Fair?

I fucking think not !!!!!

I wouldn't tolerate this for a nanosecond. It's one thing having mismatched sex drives but for him to demand you pleasure and relieve him with nothing in return is outrageous. I'm fuming on your behalf