He never wants sex

[Pannene]

I've name changed for this (hopefully).

Before I found out I was pregnant me and partner used to have 'proper sex' often but most of the time he'd only want a handhold (used to say he was tired etc). I then found out I was pregnant and we had sex a couple of times but he still preferred a handjob. I gave birth 5 months and we still haven't had sex. Sometimes I try to initiate it but he ignores me or I say I want to have sex instead but he says that he doesn't want to and asks for a handjob. In other ways, he's a good partner and is very affectionate etc. I just have no idea why he's not interested!

Any advice will be appreciated.

Wow he sucks. There’s nothing wrong with having a low sex drive, even if it means you two may be incompatible, but for him to say you can wank him off and then he does nothing for you? That makes him a jerk.

Next time you’re in the mood, sort yourself out and don’t bother giving him a low-five.

Lots of men go off sex postpartum, but if your at 5 months, that certainly sounds like something else, I think you will have to keep your hands to yourself for while and force the issue.

I’d just say you sort me out first and then I’ll give you a HJ !

This man is just taking the piss out of you, I find it hard to believe that anyone would put up with this

He just laughs it off?
You should do the same and laugh off his requests for handjobs, or maybe say you'll do it for 50 quid?

@Pannene

I don't mind giving him a handjob occasionally but I still want us to have sex! I will try to speak to him later but he'll probably just brush it off again

Don’t let him brush it off. You need to make it clear that’s he’s not getting anymore handjobs until you have a proper conversation about this. It might be that he’s lost his libido, has ED or any other reason he’s embarrassed about. But he has to talk to you.

@Pannene "I dont mind giving a handjob"
That's fine. But you should mind not having the favour reciprocated and you should mine the fact that your partner is selfishly. taking advantage of you by not considering your needs and only his. Honestly if you keep giving him what he wants your only giving him the impression that it's okay to keep going about behaving this way.

@Outbutnotoutout

Put it this way

You're hungry and ask to sit down and eat.

He says no, but you can cook him some food

You cook him food, but have nothing yourself

Fair?

I fucking think not !!!!!

This sums up perfectly what is going on

I don’t even know what to say. This shouldn’t have gone beyond a few dates, why on earth are your still with him?

This man knows exactly what he's doing, he is treating you as if you are a piece of equipment with no needs of your own and you are letting him
Why are you letting this man treat you as if you're not a full human being?

He's lazy and selfish. What's the rest of your relationship like?

My interpretation of his behaviour is as follows...
after you had a child he transferred you into the category of 'women who exist to serve the needs of others' It benefits him to have you in that category because it means he can be completely selfish and not think about your needs at all.
In allowing him to treat you this way you are tacitly agreeing with him that you are worth than nothing. It's downhill all the way for you if you keep going along with this.

He's the kind of man who thinks sex is something you do to a woman rather than with a woman.

Your role when it comes to sex is mechanical in his opinion, not emotional.

Hence why he is happy for you to wank him off but can't be arsed to actually connect with you.

It's really grim and you deserve better, everyone does!

Lots of other reasons as well,
If he really is too tired for sex, needs a GP visit (is he overweight)

Maybe he doesn’t like the PIV version of sex
Maybe he has other sexual issues
Maybe he doesn’t want to father anymore children
Maybe he sees you as mother not lover anymore
Or as others say, he just can’t be bothered.
Only he can communicate this

@JustAnotherOldMan

Lots of other reasons as well, If he really is too tired for sex, needs a GP visit (is he overweight)

Maybe he doesn’t like the PIV version of sex
Maybe he has other sexual issues
Maybe he doesn’t want to father anymore children
Maybe he sees you as mother not lover anymore
Or as others say, he just can’t be bothered.
Only he can communicate this

It could be, but I still think OP should set her bar higher than someone who laughs off her worries about their sex life but graciously allows her to wank him off without any actual interaction or intimacy for her. It's cruel.

Maybe he sees you as mother
A mother who gives hand jobs?

@youvegottenminuteslynn

My point is his issue could be any of 100 different things, only 1 person can answer that and he is not doing that,

In my personal experience when 1 person gives up on sex, that’s the end of the relationship and divorce soon follows ( did for me and I wasn’t the one who gave up )

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@youvegottenminuteslynn

My point is his issue could be any of 100 different things, only 1 person can answer that and he is not doing that,

In my personal experience when 1 person gives up on sex, that’s the end of the relationship and divorce soon follows ( did for me and I wasn’t the one who gave up )[/quote]
Yes, totally agree.

It's so cruel of the partner who doesn't want to have sex together anymore to refuse to discuss / acknowledge it.

Even more so when they're still happy for the partner to give them a handjob!!

Poor OP, he sounds horrible.

Hope you're happier now, it must be horrible but it's always for the best you can meet someone you're compatible with now.

Is he definitely straight?

I had this with an ex and in the end it was because he didn’t find me sexually attractive anymore even though he still wanted blow jobs the piece of crap . I hope it’s not the case for you but I’ve always found if a guys withholding sex it’s because he doesn’t want to sleep with you or there’s someone else.

Fuck that.

2 things, firstly you should mind giving him a hand job if sex is off the table - most would suggest to go and DIY if he wants that. 2nd, if he preferred hand jobs from the start, why be with him at all.
He's obviously a wanker in more ways than one, and you have been enabling him by giving him what he wants. So go on strike, give him nothing. Eventually, you may see the light and move on.
He could be gay or just lazy, neither is acceptable.

@Outbutnotoutout

Put it this way

You're hungry and ask to sit down and eat.

He says no, but you can cook him some food

You cook him food, but have nothing yourself

Fair?

I fucking think not !!!!!

This, this words it way better than I could.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, selfish prick

Stop wanking him off! Selfish prick

I find this kind of behaviour from men very odd. If he had a low sex drive fair enough he needs to talk with you about it and look at a way to work it out going forward. However the fact he is all for you doing something for his sexual gratification and not returning the favour ever suggests he doesn't, just that he is extremely selfish.