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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner has left.

87 replies

Confusednewmum1 · 17/05/2021 15:55

My partner and I have been together 11 years and have a LG who is 2. Today we had an argument and he says it’s done (we have been here a lot lately) I took our daughter out and I’ve came back and he’s moved his stuff out. I’m devastated- not sure if it’s due to the loss of the relationship, but of family. My parents separated and it’s horrible, friends share kids and it’s horrible. He hasn’t answered the phone and I’ve mainly just cried. He has went to a family members home, he has never left before and has stated he doesn’t love me any more ect. What next, what do I do? We are living on a building site after running out of cash? How do we sell? Why is this the future for my child

OP posts:

Justilou1 · 21/05/2021 02:04

I’m actually going to have to say what we’re all thinking here. You need to be shaken out of your current state of passivity and grow a spine. You are hurt, but surely you can see that you are also responsible for the hole you have dug for yourself? You had a kid with a spoiled wastrel and you facilitated his pot-smoking, self-indulgent pity party instead of demanding that he man-up for the sake of your kid? You needed to get yourself and your kid out of that situation a long time before now. You weren’t abandoned - you a domed yourself and your baby. You need to pull your socks up and get as much legal and financial aid as you can ASAP or you will starve or have your kid removed by social services.

JosieCrn · 21/05/2021 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/05/2021 16:02

Thinking of you OP, are you ok?

Original poster

Confusednewmum1 · 21/05/2021 17:41

Yeah, still very teary but have eaten today for the first time since Tuesday so feeling a bit better. The anger and frustration is starting to set in. I’m trying my best to stat calm. I’ve picked up LG @ 12 and e have had a busy day. The first thing she said when she seen me though was daddy won’t come home . Then she seen me crying and said it again. I have booked an electrician for 2 weeks time and arranged to borrow more money, and electrician and joiner should be enough to make the downstairs better. I will get stuck in with the paint brush over the next couple of weeks. I’ve looked out the baby stuff and will sell on eBay to try and get some cash together. Thanks everyone so so much, I’m such a wreck and really have no support x

OP posts:

Original poster

Confusednewmum1 · 22/05/2021 14:30

I’m so unstable emotionally I want him to take our LG until I can cope better. My constant tears are making her insecure. I have done park and dance class with her today and it was obvious that her head is all over the place. I’m a terrible mother and at the moment she is better off without me

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 15:06

@Confusednewmum1

You're not a terrible mother, you are the parent who hasn't been smoking weed from morning until night.

Do you have any friends or family who could stay with you for a couple of nights to help you with your little girl?

While I know you're beating yourself up, please don't give up on yourself and your ability as a mum now as he could twist this later once she's in his care and say you didn't try to coparent and instead left her with him.

If you really feel you can't cope and don't have friends or family then I suppose her being in her grandma's place means she is safe, but I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them when it comes to being fair with you - look how quickly they turned when you've been so close before.

Don't give up on yourself, you aren't a terrible mother at all

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 15:06

Have the anxiety meds helped at all? And are you managing to get any sleep at all?

faithfulbird20 · 23/05/2021 00:53

I'm so sorry you're going through this. How awful of his mum and sister to be like that. Why don't you ask him to look after your daughter because you're not well. If he has any sense of humanity he'll help. Do you want to get back with him? Please look after yourself. I hope you get back together. He'll realise what he's lost one day.

faithfulbird20 · 23/05/2021 00:55

I'm not sure if I read right but he's a heavy drug user? Hope you don't get back with him unless he sorts himself out. Ask friends and family to help with your daughter.

Please be kind to yourself.

Original poster

Confusednewmum1 · 23/05/2021 11:42

I just want to curl up in a ball, I’m a horrible person, I’ve been so so bad over the years....., We have done each other so much damage. Now a LG is in the middle of our disaster and god what have I done

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/05/2021 11:48

No matter what has been done in the past, the best thing for your daughter now is for you to focus your energy on her and her future rather than on your pain and your past.

I know that's easy to say but hopefully it can help you channel your energy and mindset on supporting her future rather than thinking about her past

Sparklebrandy · 23/05/2021 12:07

Do you know what, this happened to me 8 years ago. Things had been bad but I got home one day and he had taken all his stuff - the TV too and moved out. When I look back now o never thought I'd get over it, thought my little girls life was ruined. If I could go back to my old self now I'd tell myself it will be ok and happiness is ahead. You will get through this xx

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