Partner talking about maybe needing to cancel weekend away

[Yellowmusickeys]

I have a relationship of 4 and half years approx. We never moved into together. We are both reasonably happy with the arrangement. We fell into a routine early enough where he came over about 3 times a week. We often tried to get away for short breaks away around the country for a night or two. We never had anything set for definite. It was always spontaneous. In the first year alone we got away about 3 or 4 times.

Lockdown wasn't easy but we tried to make the best of the situation. We got away once last year for about 2 nights and it was lovely to get away.

We were in lockdown for the majority of this year already. No where open, not even for a bite to eat. We made plans for the upcoming Bank Holiday weekend to get away for two nights together and spend some time together. I think it's needed now for sure at this stage. Just to get away and spend some time together.

He was furloughed from his bar job at Christmas time. We are not in the UK where the reopening happened already. The bars and indoor catering is still closed in my home country but its due to open soon. I think the current guideline is that outdoor dining can open from the 5th of June. Just last week my partner got a call from his work asking him will he be coming back to work. He said that he will be. That call left everything so open between himself and his employer. His employer never gave him a date for returning back to work. His employer never told him what the situation is. If he will be working bar while they are open for outdoor dining or will he be taken back at the time when indoor dining happens. My partner said that the outdoor dining arrangements at the establishment is very small and he can't see how it will work unless if the establishment worked on expanding the outdoor dining area but that would mean taking away some of the car park area.

So basically, my partner has said that it now leaves the plans we made for the bank holiday, up in the air. That if he's called back to work he will probably need to cancel. At that point, my mouth nearly hit the floor and I was speechless.

We made plans before his work got onto him. His work has left everything open and up in the air. Even if the establishment opens for outdoor dining, there's no knowing what way it will go. If it will be successful and busy.

I do think it would be nice to get away before he goes back to work because when he goes back to work again, we will be working opposing schedules and we will be all over the place. His job is still relatively new because he only started in December after losing his job from the first lockdown.

If his employer asks him to go back to work for the very weekend we have plans, can't he just tell them he has plans.

Im disappointed to be honest. Would you be upset by something like this?

I understand you are disappointed but I understand your partners needs to keep a job. I would be disappointed but I'd suggest moving it to alternate time if he needs to work. I think the reason is valid.

No your DP absolutely should not be saying he has plans if asked to work a BH weekend in those circumstances and I'm surprised you can't see it. Do you want him to lose his job ?

I can’t believe you are being so unreasonable!

Your partner lost his job in lockdown and works in an industry that has been hard hit by covid and likely to continue so if restrictions return. How can you not see that it is vital for him to be flexible for his boss?!!

You’ve been together 4 years. You can manage a little longer without a weekend away together, especially as you’ll be able to visit each other during the week as normal soon.

If my partner wanted me to prioritise a weekend away (which could happen later too) over my job security I would be seriously hurt and pissed off. Your post is all about your wants with seemingly no understanding of his situation.

As unfortunate that it is about your weekend away your DP needs to go back to work when it reopens and you need may need to cancel. His work must take priority surely?

I understand that you're disappointed the weekend away might not happen, but your boyfriend has to prioritise his job right now, you can see that surely.

So you don't know if rules would allow the break or if he may need to work? Hardly his fault but he could double check with his boss.

I think you’re over reacting to be honest; yes it’s disappointing but his work needs to come first in this situation. Considering it’s only just under 2 weeks away though he should be asking for a bit of clarification

You’re being terribly shortsighted here. The priority at this point really is his work given how long he’s been out of work now, and that it’s still a relatively new post. Your weekend away can wait, don’t be selfish.

I have to say I agree with pp hospitality has been one of the worst hit industries. He needs to be flexible and ready to go back to work. You’re definitely being unreasonable.

My partner was surprised when he got the phone call during the week. Everything is up in the air. Like a starting back to work date. My partner was surprised because the outdoor dining facilities are very poor. It's just a few tables outside. Even my own boyfriend is puzzled as to how it's all going to work. He can't see how a few tables will keep them ticking over. Even now there is nothing coming in from the employer to say if the boyfriend is wanted while the place opens for outdoor dining or if he will be brought back to work in July when indoor dining will hopefully start back up again. I think the employer is chancing his arm with outdoor dining, perhaps in the hope it will be busy and successful. I checked the Facebook page and there's nothing there to say that they made work at expanding the outdoor dining. I think the employer should provide a reasonable notice for starting back to work too, say like a weeks notice. It will be very hard to swallow if the boyfriend is expected back to work for June the 4th or the 5th and only gets a day or two notice, as if he's sitting about doing nothing and waiting. He's not.

I don't think it's very fair ditching our plans last minute if the employer rings last minute too.

The work schedule he got before the Christmas was a work week from Wednesday to Sunday with Monday and Tuesday off.

I work Mondays to Fridays.

So our schedules are opposing and we won't have a day off together. So when he goes back to work, that will be that. There won't be any time away together after that until he has enough holiday built up. Not only to get away, there probably won't be much shared dates nights any more either. Because of opposing schedules. I think it would have been better if he found work that would allow him Sundays off. When we first met, he said he never worked on Sundays and I really liked our days together.

It does not sound as if you have compatible priorities.

Go to his for the weekend? See him between his shift?

We will be able to see each other when he does go back to work like with the option of a morning or breakfast date. Other dates like cinema and dinner dates and other activities that will be off the cards.

He needs to prioritise his job at this point in time, so I'd be a bit disappointed but would understand.

If it was my employee who'd been furloughed for months then when he was needed back at work for BH weekend, I wouldn't be best pleased if he told me he was having a weekend away with his girlfriend.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not mad at him if he does get called to work for the same weekend we have plans for. I'm more surprised that is all because I wasn't expecting it and he wasn't either. I had an idea that outdoor dining would start from June at some point with indoor dining to follow at some stage in July perhaps. He wasn't expecting to get called back so soon and to help with outdoor dining. Even now he doesn't know what's happening and when he's starting back. I think it's unfair that the employer has left things like this. I don't think it would be nice or respectful of the employer if he left it til the last minute to call my partner in for work.

The employer is leaving it until last minute as highly likely not certain themselves exactly how it's going to pan out.

It's very unreasonable to get upset about something like this. You are allowed to be disappointed but work must come first and he absolutely should not be saying he has plans if he is called back on that particular weekend. I'd probably ring my employer tbh to get an idea about when I'm likely to be needed, regardless of the weekend away.

A friend of mine was specifically told they should not be making plans (unless they have annual leave booked) in case they are needed at short notice. So your DPs situation is not unique at all.

I had a second look on the establishments Facebook page and it looks like they created a large deck area last autumn. My partner probably didn't see it in December or wasn't working in that area when it was the heart of winter.

So it probably looks like the pub and restaurant will be opening for outdoor dining when they are allowed to do so and probably looks like my partner will be going back to work then too. I really wasn't expecting that at all. Not for now anyways. We will probably know more as the next week goes by. I presume my partner would be told by the end of the week anyhow to give him a week or two notice.

God, its going to be a long summer ahead with the pair of us working and working opposing schedules and not even a night out together.

When he got the job in December, of I felt happy for him but I didn't like the work days he had. I really thought he should have aimed to get a day off that would blend in with my week and we could get one day off together. My work will not move or budge from Monday to Friday.

Something new is hitting me so hard this afternoon.

When we met and started dating, we made plans often to get away together. It was always spontaneous too. It was mainly driven by him in case anyome thinks I'm spoiled person. That was an aspect of our relationship that I loved. We were always getting away.

It's hitting me hard now that this probably won't happen now for a long time. His job won't be able to give him holidays or days off or it would be unpaid days off and that's not ideal. This is actually hitting me hard now. Now, I'm thinking if our relationship will survive at all. Why he's settling on a job with different days off and opposing schedules I will never know.

Sorry OP but you’re coming across really badly here. You should be pleased for your partner that they managed to find a job at all in such a difficult time and in an industry where many businesses have closed/ many people have lost their jobs. Furlough still costs the employer money (increasingly so) and your partner is not on an extended holiday, they are being paid and should be available when needed unless they have booked holiday (my partner is still on furlough but makes himself available whenever needed even if it is at short notice and even if we had plans). Lots of people work shifts that mean they don’t have the same day off, and getting a weekend day off every week is very difficult in hospitality (and a lot of other sectors for that matter). You don’t seem very supportive of your partner. I understand that you’re disappointed but surely you can see the bigger picture?!

Does he have a lot of choice about what job he does?

My partner’s employers are ruthless bastards, but they could replace him in the blink of an eye-lid, and he is minimum wage so (largely) he has to work when they ask him to. It’s shit - it shouldn’t be the case that workers in many industries have such shit terms and conditions - but you have to live in the world you live in.

My boyfriend and I quite often have to cancel plans for his work. It’s shit, but I would never dream of holding it against him. It’s not his fault - and he needs to work!

I think he should be putting his job first at the moment.

Also you seem to place a lot of importance on ‘getting away’ when he might not feel the same.

This is actually hitting me hard now. Now, I'm thinking if our relationship will survive at all.

Well, if that's all it takes for your relationship to crumble OP...there are far bigger, and more serious issues couples have to deal with throughout a lifetime together. Opposing shifts aren't the end of the world, really not sure why you are making it out to be. Yes, it's inconvenient, yes it requires more planning and sacrifices but surely a supportive (and grown up) partner would be delighted that their OH actually has a job in these utterly uncertain times which see unemployment skyrocket over the World. It's not ideal and I definitely wouldn't be happy for such aggro from my OH in these circumstances. Food for thought OP. As PP said, bigger picture!

It would be incredibly irresponsible for him to tell his employer he has plans. Obviously his employment has to come first.

Now, I'm thinking if our relationship will survive at all. Why he's settling on a job with different days off and opposing schedules I will never know.

If it means that much to you why don’t you get a different job with days that match his? If it’s that easy? You’re coming across like a teenager who’s stamping her feet because she’s not getting her own way.