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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner talking about maybe needing to cancel weekend away

75 replies

Yellowmusickeys · 17/05/2021 13:14

I have a relationship of 4 and half years approx. We never moved into together. We are both reasonably happy with the arrangement. We fell into a routine early enough where he came over about 3 times a week. We often tried to get away for short breaks away around the country for a night or two. We never had anything set for definite. It was always spontaneous. In the first year alone we got away about 3 or 4 times.

Lockdown wasn't easy but we tried to make the best of the situation. We got away once last year for about 2 nights and it was lovely to get away.

We were in lockdown for the majority of this year already. No where open, not even for a bite to eat. We made plans for the upcoming Bank Holiday weekend to get away for two nights together and spend some time together. I think it's needed now for sure at this stage. Just to get away and spend some time together.

He was furloughed from his bar job at Christmas time. We are not in the UK where the reopening happened already. The bars and indoor catering is still closed in my home country but its due to open soon. I think the current guideline is that outdoor dining can open from the 5th of June. Just last week my partner got a call from his work asking him will he be coming back to work. He said that he will be. That call left everything so open between himself and his employer. His employer never gave him a date for returning back to work. His employer never told him what the situation is. If he will be working bar while they are open for outdoor dining or will he be taken back at the time when indoor dining happens. My partner said that the outdoor dining arrangements at the establishment is very small and he can't see how it will work unless if the establishment worked on expanding the outdoor dining area but that would mean taking away some of the car park area.

So basically, my partner has said that it now leaves the plans we made for the bank holiday, up in the air. That if he's called back to work he will probably need to cancel. At that point, my mouth nearly hit the floor and I was speechless.

We made plans before his work got onto him. His work has left everything open and up in the air. Even if the establishment opens for outdoor dining, there's no knowing what way it will go. If it will be successful and busy.

I do think it would be nice to get away before he goes back to work because when he goes back to work again, we will be working opposing schedules and we will be all over the place. His job is still relatively new because he only started in December after losing his job from the first lockdown.

If his employer asks him to go back to work for the very weekend we have plans, can't he just tell them he has plans.

Im disappointed to be honest. Would you be upset by something like this?

OP posts:

grapefruitblossom · 17/05/2021 19:33

I think you need to talk to him about it, about how you've realised you'll hardly see one another, see if there is a way you can work around it together. I can understand your disappointment. There is more to life than working, eating and sleeping 💛

AlternativePerspective · 17/05/2021 19:36

I would suggest that he head for the hills and that you’re not ready for a relationship.

Even my teenager is more reasonable than you are.

HerMammy · 17/05/2021 19:36

Are you always this dramatic?
my mouth nearly hit the floor and I was speechless
Imagine working and earning a wage being important 🙄

forumdonkey · 17/05/2021 19:37

What are you asking with your post? Are his work being unreasonable asking him to return to work after five months off? Is he being unreasonable canceling a weekend away to go back to work after five months off?

NewMatress · 17/05/2021 19:43

We never moved into together. We are both reasonably happy with the arrangement

I'm going to guess one of you is happier than the other with this arrangement and this isn't really about a weekend away?

Flowers500 · 17/05/2021 19:49

Christ almighty you’re coming across majorly selfish here. And ridiculously dramatic.

Atalantea · 17/05/2021 20:05

@Yellowmusickeys

He works on Sundays too. My job is fcuking impossible. I can't plan for a piss. Every day is different with variable finish times. It could be 7 or 8 or 9 at night. I learned a hard lesson not to plan anything in the evenings after my own work days because I won't be allowed.

so his job is rigid and cant be changed....

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 17/05/2021 20:11

It does sound like you need to rethink your priorities here, OP.

PickAChew · 17/05/2021 21:52

It's not like he'd be able to afford many weekends away if he lost his job.

Maunderingdrunkenly · 17/05/2021 21:58

It’s sounds like barely a relationship? How much time in an average month do you see each other?

SaltyAF · 17/05/2021 22:01

This is ridiculous. You think a furloughed employee should hold out for a bit more time off so you get your weekend away? Your separate.kiving arrangements are no-one else's problem.

SageRosemary · 18/05/2021 09:04

In Ireland, bars are not expected to re-open before June 7th. May actually be later in June. Bank Holiday is June1st. Your plans shouldn't be affected if this is the case.

There's a couple of weekends between now and then anyway. Why not bring your plans forward?

What's your line of work?
How come you are being caught until 7 or 8 or 9 every night?
Have you considered transferring to be nearer him?

Crappyfridays7 · 18/05/2021 09:18

You want him to work in a factory so he can have the same days off? So you can go away for a weekend? So what if he’s miserable working there eh.

I work shifts, boyfriend works and also has mon/tue off sometimes I can take the day off with him which is nice. Why can’t you take a Monday or Tuesday off on leave to spend together or have your ‘weekend away’ on his days off the world does not revolve around your schedule. I would’ve thought your boyfriend would want to get back to work and his employer can ask him to come back, of course they can and after being closed so long bf should get back when asked.

This sounds very one sided, yes you want your weekend away. But you’ve had months of being able to spend time together without him working and your complaining about one weekend?...baffling.

Original poster

Yellowmusickeys · 18/05/2021 09:45

The bank holiday weekend in Ireland is Saturday the 5th of June to Monday the 7th of June.

Our plans are for the nights of the 5th and 6th June.

Outdoor dining is due to start from the 7th of June. The partner is talking about cancelling our plans for the nights of the 5th and 6th for a starting back date of the 7th if he is required to work on the 7th.
That really makes no sense whatsoever to me. It's one day on the 7th. A start back could be deferred to the 8th.

My job doesn't allow for any flexibility to get a Monday or Tuesday off to get a day off with him.

OP posts:

Crazylikechocolate · 18/05/2021 09:59

You must have an amount of annual leave , can you not take that as two or three days at a time mid week when he's free to spend time together ?

dreamingbohemian · 18/05/2021 10:06

You're getting a tough time OP. I agree your reaction to the holiday issue is not reasonable BUT I think you are right to be upset about the bigger picture. If you can literally never see each other, how can the relationship continue?

Has he always worked in the industry? Is this the only area he's really comfortable working in? Is it actually possible he could get a different job?

I think it's fair to tell him you don't see how things can work if you never see each other and ask him what the long term plan is. Is he willing to look for another job at some point? Should you move in together? You guys need to talk.

wildeverose · 18/05/2021 10:09

@Yellowmusickeys

The bank holiday weekend in Ireland is Saturday the 5th of June to Monday the 7th of June.

Our plans are for the nights of the 5th and 6th June.

My job doesn't allow for any flexibility to get a Monday or Tuesday off to get a day off with him.

It can't be deferred to the 8th if they need him to work on the 7th. You really need to see how ridiculous you're sounding.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2021 10:16

My job doesn't allow for any flexibility to get a Monday or Tuesday off to get a day off with him.

And due to the fact he lost his job, managed to find another one (which is great) HIS job doesn't allow for flexibility either.

Can you not see that this is coming across as your work, wants and needs being more important than his?

In the current climate, he can either quit his job and not have an income, or do what he's doing now - taking work when it's offered to earn money.

You're being incredibly selfish.

RantyAnty · 18/05/2021 10:20

He probably should prioritize his work since he's been off so long.

restaurant and bar work will always be lots of odd hours for low pay.

Has he thought about doing something else? Getting a qualification of some type to have a job with more regular hours?

SageRosemary · 18/05/2021 18:49

Look, this makes no sense at all, if he works in the hospitality sector and has not been working since December then he has been on the PUP Pandemic Unemployment Payment) scheme and relatively well compensated financially in comparison to the amount he could have been expected to earn. Why haven't you and he be spending weekends together in the meantime? Why would you organise a weekend away, and to where, when the hospitality sector has been closed for the weekend it it due to re-open.

But I am going to type two words and bet that the OP will disappear in a puff of smoke! (well, maybe she'll just slink away quietly!)

Knit
Fairy

Atalantea · 18/05/2021 20:43

Knit fairy?

DenisetheMenace · 18/05/2021 20:45

Work is priority, you can go another weekend (or midweek when it will probably be cheaper and quieter).

TrifleCat · 18/05/2021 20:56

If you want to make it work then you will.

If you aren’t prepared to compromise OP then that’s fair enough, but you need to be honest with your DP about , he may decide he is willing to compromise and you can find a way forward.

Cloudfrost · 18/05/2021 20:57

you come off as v selfish, disrespectful, and inconsiderate . its his job.he already lost one he doesnt want to lose another one. based on your comments you want him to have found a job that will fit around your schedule and avaiulability.

SageRosemary · 18/05/2021 21:01

@Atalantea

Knit fairy?

I strongly suspect a poster with a lot of previous history and name changes on this and other forums, renowned for drip feed, drama and dysfunctional relationships with her mother, father, sister, brother 1 and brother 2, employer, boyfriend/partner/fiancé and now there's the boyfriend's employer. Seeks advice, will never act on it. Entertaining to a point. I could be wrong, we'll see.

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