Partner talking about maybe needing to cancel weekend away

[Yellowmusickeys]

I have a relationship of 4 and half years approx. We never moved into together. We are both reasonably happy with the arrangement. We fell into a routine early enough where he came over about 3 times a week. We often tried to get away for short breaks away around the country for a night or two. We never had anything set for definite. It was always spontaneous. In the first year alone we got away about 3 or 4 times.

Lockdown wasn't easy but we tried to make the best of the situation. We got away once last year for about 2 nights and it was lovely to get away.

We were in lockdown for the majority of this year already. No where open, not even for a bite to eat. We made plans for the upcoming Bank Holiday weekend to get away for two nights together and spend some time together. I think it's needed now for sure at this stage. Just to get away and spend some time together.

He was furloughed from his bar job at Christmas time. We are not in the UK where the reopening happened already. The bars and indoor catering is still closed in my home country but its due to open soon. I think the current guideline is that outdoor dining can open from the 5th of June. Just last week my partner got a call from his work asking him will he be coming back to work. He said that he will be. That call left everything so open between himself and his employer. His employer never gave him a date for returning back to work. His employer never told him what the situation is. If he will be working bar while they are open for outdoor dining or will he be taken back at the time when indoor dining happens. My partner said that the outdoor dining arrangements at the establishment is very small and he can't see how it will work unless if the establishment worked on expanding the outdoor dining area but that would mean taking away some of the car park area.

So basically, my partner has said that it now leaves the plans we made for the bank holiday, up in the air. That if he's called back to work he will probably need to cancel. At that point, my mouth nearly hit the floor and I was speechless.

We made plans before his work got onto him. His work has left everything open and up in the air. Even if the establishment opens for outdoor dining, there's no knowing what way it will go. If it will be successful and busy.

I do think it would be nice to get away before he goes back to work because when he goes back to work again, we will be working opposing schedules and we will be all over the place. His job is still relatively new because he only started in December after losing his job from the first lockdown.

If his employer asks him to go back to work for the very weekend we have plans, can't he just tell them he has plans.

Im disappointed to be honest. Would you be upset by something like this?

You make it sound as if he's someone to go away with, surely there's more to him than that OP? Love?

It’s out of his hands

How old are you? If you’re fairly young then I understand your gut reaction.

Your posts do come across as a little naive, but we’ve all been there... life starts to revolve less and less around our needs the older we get, and the more responsibilities that we have, unfortunately!

I remember being completely annoyed with boyfriends who ‘chose’ to work, instead of playing with ME! And I’m sure this feeling must be made a lot worse by the lockdowns we’ve all endured.

Wait a little longer... this is a big transition time for people with jobs in the hospitality industry. Things will settle and new schedules can be requested. With luck even new jobs will be out there in a few months, if the current one doesn’t suit

Oh Jesus Christ if your that concerned about his days off you change your job. It’s not his employers fault at all and they are probably trying their best to get back on track. They have the right to call him with no notice to go into work. Your posts sound like your 16

I'm in my job for about 13 years at this stage. He was the one who lost his Jon, then found another. He was doing side lines too so he wasn't completely stuck for work. He could have aimed for a factory job Monday to Friday or Tuesday to Saturday and try and aim to have one free day off together.

It is a period of great change and we will have to adapt but also I find it hard to wrap my mind around the idea that we won't even have a dinner night together even once a month.

Your partner is completely correct to prioritise his work, especially if he's been on furlough. Your immediate reaction to this is strange.

However your reaction on reflection - that both your jobs won't really work together - is also fine. If you don't want to live together and can't really see each other because of work, then it's OK to call it a day. You don't sound mad about each other to be honest, maybe best to throw this one back and open yourself up for something you do want more.

Sorry op you're coming across really badly here. He needs a job, can't you see the importance of keeping a job in this climate?
Everything you're saying revolves around you. There's more to relationships than getaways and nights out - if you're honestly that bothered, then stop wasting his time. It's such a materialistic thing to get so worked up over.

If you work Monday to Friday days, and he works Wed to Saturday evenings, what’s stopping you from spending Monday and Tuesday evenings together, and weekend mornings/lunches before he goes to work?

Agree with previous posters; this is all about you. It’s very in reasonable of you to expect him to fit around you and change his job to suit you. Also that your “mini breaks” are the deal breaker here, that’s pretty bad looking OP. If this is your priority, I’d suggest leaving him for someone with a more convenient schedule and letting him find someone else.

He works on Sundays too. My job is fcuking impossible. I can't plan for a piss. Every day is different with variable finish times. It could be 7 or 8 or 9 at night. I learned a hard lesson not to plan anything in the evenings after my own work days because I won't be allowed.

@Yellowmusickeys

He works on Sundays too. My job is fcuking impossible. I can't plan for a piss. Every day is different with variable finish times. It could be 7 or 8 or 9 at night. I learned a hard lesson not to plan anything in the evenings after my own work days because I won't be allowed.

So how is it any different to him not being allowed time off? Pot, kettle.

Skimmed your posts, and all I see is

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LIFE'S NOT FAIR WAAAH ME ME ME ME ME

He should attempt to find out what the business' plans are to give you some clarity, but you can't expect him to turn down the first opportunity to work in a year+

@Yellowmusickeys

He works on Sundays too. My job is fcuking impossible. I can't plan for a piss. Every day is different with variable finish times. It could be 7 or 8 or 9 at night. I learned a hard lesson not to plan anything in the evenings after my own work days because I won't be allowed.

So his work has to fit round yours? C'mon OP, that's just not fair.

If this were an AIBU poll, the result would be 100% yes you are.
How can your boyfriend continue to make spontaneous weekend away plans if he doesn't have a job to fund them?
You said you got away 4 times last year and presumable you had conflicting schedules then?
I think you need to understand that people are scared to lose their jobs and need to maintain a living.

Why would you be speechless if somebody who works in hospitality isn't able to go away on one of the few weekends this year where the business has an opportunity to actually make some money?

That would be like feeling shocked that a teacher can't go on holiday two weeks after starting a new job in September or a police officer working in Wembley couldn't take time off on the day of the FA cup final. Or a department store Santa wanting two weeks off in December.

I'm presuming ye are in lreland. Could you take some days off before he starts back and do some things together before ye head into such a busy time.

Blimey this is a selfish post

Stop being so self obsessed. Are you really wanting him to maybe lose his new job just because you may have to cancel leisure time?

I seriously hope he finds someone capable of even an iota of thought for someone other than themselves, something which you are obviously lacking.

@Yellowmusickeys

He works on Sundays too. My job is fcuking impossible. I can't plan for a piss. Every day is different with variable finish times. It could be 7 or 8 or 9 at night. I learned a hard lesson not to plan anything in the evenings after my own work days because I won't be allowed.

Can you see that YABU now?

He'll accrue holiday leave when he's back at work though. You might have to wait a bit to get away, but surely his employment is way more important.

Strange lady.

I'm an employer and it's very hard, I've had to take out buisness loans which I will be paying back for quite a few years, my employees are furloughed. They understood that the situation could change at any point and were reasonable enough to understand this.

Times are very hard at the moment, I think a weekend away should be put on hold, he has to show willing.

We did not get away 4 times last year. We went away for a 1 night stay. It was all within covid guidelines and as safe as possible. The first yesr we were together I think we got away 4 times in the year.

This thread started being disappointed about the possibility of changing our plans.

Now it hit me that there's a period of rapid change where our schedules will not fit together for even a date night together once a month. That's going to be though going forward.

Oh boo-bloody-hoo.

Grow up ffs.

If you want to see more of each other sounds like you need to move in together.

Oh dear lord op 🙄 all this drama and handwringing over a weekend away!