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Original poster

Would you call this sexual assault?

68 replies

Isol0 · 17/05/2021 06:29

I've namechanged but I've been on here for a while.

I'm confused so I need other people's opinions. Last night me and partner went to bed and everything was normal. When I was going to sleep he moved closer to me and kept putting his hand on an intimate area, I kept moving his hand and he kept moving it back. I think he was asleep but I'm not 100% sure. I 'woke' him up after that and he was confused so in the end we both went to sleep. I'll obviously speak to him again later but I'm not sure if that'd be sexual Assault?

OP posts:
MyUkulele · 17/05/2021 06:44

Yes it is.

You moved his hand and he ignored you.

Funny how, when he was asleep, his hand knew exactly where to go.

Wannabangbang · 17/05/2021 06:47

Yes sexual assault, moving hand away means no but he continued to put his hand back. Being asleep, i don't buy it or believe a sleeping person knows exactly how to keep replacing their hand multiple times to exact area. Hope you are okay op x

Original poster
Isol0 · 17/05/2021 07:04

Thank you for your replies.

That's why I was confused. I just don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
IJustWantSomeBees · 17/05/2021 10:26

Yes, this is sexual assault and he knew exactly what he was doing.

Is there a trusted friend or family member you can talk to about this who will support you? There are also phone lines you can call for support.

Do you live with him OP? I would suggest some time away from him to let yourself think and process things wihout him influencing your thoughts. Flowers

Tomyoneandonly · 17/05/2021 11:08

What!!!!!!!!
People this this is sexual assault? Are you all for real?
1 couple went to bed amicably joint decision.
2 op is not 100% certain he was awake.
it's not right and it must of made op uncomfortable I don't think it warrants the description ABUSE.

Did you stay in bed with him after op?

Tomyoneandonly · 17/05/2021 11:10

SORRY I SHOULD OF SAID ASSAULT.

Tomyoneandonly · 17/05/2021 11:16

No I don't think it's assault. I think he was being an idiot. Nothing more Nothing less. How long have you been with him? Has he ever given you a reason to doubt his intentions before? I don't mean to be harsh op . Are you his partner?

Hont1986 · 17/05/2021 12:20

No, if it was a sleeping person I wouldn't.

ChangePart1 · 17/05/2021 12:22

Nope. If DH did that I’d know he was asleep and wouldn’t be bothered at all.

Tbh though, something has to be really wrong in your relationship to begin with for you to jump to the question of whether you were sexually assaulted by your partner in bed because he tried to touch you a few times before waking up. What’s the backstory? Are you in an abusive relationship?

HappyHappyHippocampus · 17/05/2021 12:26

A person touches you somewhere intimate and it makes you feel violated so much so you make it clear you didn’t want them to but they did so anyway is literally the definition of sexual assault.

It doesn’t make any difference if you stayed in the bed afterwards or not. It doesn’t change what happened.

Of course he wasn’t asleep. If you feel you can, the first step would be to tell him exactly how it made you feel. His reaction will probably tell you all you need to know about who he is as a person.

Tomyoneandonly · 17/05/2021 12:31

Op isn't talking about a PERSON. She is talking about her I do believe sexual partner! A random person there is no doubt about this question it would be assault. A sexual partner who you willingly sleep with not exactly assault.

LuvMyBubbles · 17/05/2021 12:34

@Tomyoneandonly

What!!!!!!!! People this this is sexual assault? Are you all for real? 1 couple went to bed amicably joint decision. 2 op is not 100% certain he was awake. it's not right and it must of made op uncomfortable I don't think it warrants the description ABUSE. Did you stay in bed with him after op?
Correct.
Papyrus · 17/05/2021 12:34

@Tomyoneandonly

Op isn't talking about a PERSON. She is talking about her I do believe sexual partner! A random person there is no doubt about this question it would be assault. A sexual partner who you willingly sleep with not exactly assault.
When it comes to consent it makes no difference if the person is a stranger or their partner.
LilmissCa · 17/05/2021 12:55

I personally wouldn't classify this as sexual abuse if it is with my partner. It does feel there is more issues here as you are even concerned that your partner is sexual abusing you.

I'm sure there has been times everyone has not been in the mood when their partner made an advance, shrugged them off initially feeling not in the mood, then they come back & try again & maybe again, you then feel in the mood & go ahead with his original plan. That doesn't make it abuse because they tried a second or third time.

HappyHappyHippocampus · 17/05/2021 13:00

If she feels violated. It doesn’t matter who it was. This is about her feelings and her feelings alone. If she wasn’t bothered that I’d also fine but she was.

I fucking despair sometimes.

HappyHappyHippocampus · 17/05/2021 13:01

Not even a little bit correct @LuvMyBubbles. Not even a little bit.

Original poster
Isol0 · 17/05/2021 13:09

@ChangePart1

Nope. If DH did that I’d know he was asleep and wouldn’t be bothered at all.

Tbh though, something has to be really wrong in your relationship to begin with for you to jump to the question of whether you were sexually assaulted by your partner in bed because he tried to touch you a few times before waking up. What’s the backstory? Are you in an abusive relationship?

No I'm not in an abusive relationship. The first time I wasn't bothered, I just moved his hand but then he kept moving it back and it made me feel uncomfortable.
OP posts:
ChangePart1 · 17/05/2021 13:11

Did you mention it to him the next day?

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable about it.

What would change in terms of your feelings or actions going forwards if you did call it sexual assault?

Tomyoneandonly · 17/05/2021 13:22

Seriously. We can't allow ourselves to call something assault if there is one ?of doubt. This is an act between a man and a woman in a bed they shared. Op you really shouldn't be with him anymore. As this question has had a big impact and view on your relationship with him and also I think you are making women think was I assaulted when I pushed his hand of ect ect it's not a question you should have about a partner unless he was fully aware and his intentions was there to assault you. No the case here you both went to sleep. Not sure you would be able to sleep if he assaulted you. That would be difficult. You didn't ask for him to touch you and you moved his hand. You wasn't that uncomfortable you had to get out of bed though. What is your story op? Is there a reason why your saying this. As this is a serious thing to question.

Tomyoneandonly · 17/05/2021 13:30

He is your partner. Some relationships make strange or weird or funny bonds. If you hole your dp dear please try not to think to much about it. If this situation has made you feel uncomfortable then you must end your relationship. Either was ATM he is your partner and and accusation of sexual assault or even the thought of it is serious. May I ask how old are you?

Meowchickameowmeow · 17/05/2021 13:33

No, I wouldn't class this as sexual assault, not in the slightest.

FuckyouCovid21 · 17/05/2021 13:34

OP said he kept moving his hand back there after she kept moving it, I doubt this would have happened if he'd been asleep

ChangePart1 · 17/05/2021 13:48

@FuckyouCovid21

OP said he kept moving his hand back there after she kept moving it, I doubt this would have happened if he'd been asleep
It can happen! DH has let me know the next day that I’ve done it to him and I have no recollection of it. It’s happened from him a couple times too over the years. It’s really not a big issue and I’d be incredibly concerned about how he thought and felt towards me if he thought I was lying about being asleep to cop a feel and then pondered whether I had sexually assaulted him tbh. Sexual assault is an incredibly serious thing, not a term to bandy around like it’s nothing.
ShutUpAlex · 17/05/2021 13:51

If he was asleep I would have just rolled away. I’ve done all sorts of weird things to my partner in my sleep.

Saltedhero · 17/05/2021 14:09

No not sexual assault..why didn't you just communicate with him and say move your hand???

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