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Original poster

He doesn’t seem really bothered about his son?

79 replies

Amz210 · 16/05/2021 21:28

So I read a thread just now that prompted me to get some advice about my situation.

I’ve been seeing this man from September, we met online and clicked straight away. Honestly it’s like I fell head over heels in love and him the same. He had a six month old baby with a woman who was a one night stand. She lives a few hours away, when I met him he would always talk about his son, how he never had his dad in his life, how he needs it to be different.

He seemed really passionate about his son, and would go and fetch the baby, and spend a few days with him and take him back. We’ve spoken about moving to be closer to his son, the babies mum doesn’t know about me yet because he thinks she will stop him from seeing him. And he told me he can’t deal with that. It is something that needs to be done because we’ve spoken about us having our own child together.

Recently though I’ve really thought he only sees his son around onc a month, maybe for a few days at a time but he lost his job. And still only sees him that often. Also when he has his son we don’t see each other and he will often call me and the baby isn’t with him. He SEEMS like he really loves his child, he did say he wishes he had him with me instead. But is this normal? Am I setting myself up for failure

OP posts:
Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 21:54

I feel like my feelings have been validated. Something just didn’t sit right with me.

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 16/05/2021 21:54

You have a good job and your own home?

Where does he stay now? Have you met any of his friends and family?

Doyoumind · 16/05/2021 21:55

I mean, I know it does happen but what are the chances of getting pregnant on a ONS? Do you honestly believe that?

Being 'so romantic' and planning for the future early on can be big signs the future won't be happy.

Slow down. Why are you thinking about babies at this point anyway?

Branleuse · 16/05/2021 21:55

His story doesnt add up does it.
Tread carefully

Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 21:55

He lives with family, we live where there’s very very high rent.

I don’t own my home, I have a flat mate. I’ve met a few of his friends. No family due to Covid and his mum is vulnerable

OP posts:
Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 21:56

I don’t believe she was a one night stand no. But he made it clear to me they were never together romantically.

OP posts:
Thefourbells · 16/05/2021 21:56

Has he got social media?

Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 21:57

He does have social media, I’m on it and he’s on mine

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 16/05/2021 21:57

Have you ever met the baby? Are you sure there is one?

Thefourbells · 16/05/2021 21:58

If you're on his social media then surely his ex knows about you?

Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 21:59

He definitely doesn’t have the babies mum on any social media. She’s not his ex.

I’ve not met the baby but there definitely is one.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 22:01

He said he promised her he wouldn’t get in a relationship until their baby is older.

Well either this is bullshit and he lied to you so he could give you an excuse to not tell her about you or it's true and instead of being mature enough to own up to her, he's lying, keeping you a secret and leaving her to do the vast majority of the childcare while not much changes for him and he still gets regular but secret shags along with regular and public 'aren't I a great dad' status opportunities.

Not great either way, is it?

Thefourbells · 16/05/2021 22:02

She’s not his ex

I bet she is.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 22:03

@Amz210

I don’t believe she was a one night stand no. But he made it clear to me they were never together romantically.
But he said they were a one night stand? So you're already in a relationship you know is based on him telling you a lie about the mother of his child? Ugh mate he sounds like a wanker and you're being really foolish!
Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 22:05

I think he was trying to downplay to make me feel better? Obviously that’s really stupid but I think he thought he would look better if they just had sex one time. Not making excuses for him

OP posts:
tararabumdeay · 16/05/2021 22:06

So, he's got a tiny baby after a one night stand with a woman who will not let him be with you if the she finds out.
He doesn't have a job.
He want to breed with you in the future.
He doesn't have a job.
You're thinking of breeding with him in the future and moving 4 hours away from your own home to be nearer his one night stand baby.
He doesn't have a job. He wishes his son was with you instead of the one night stand
This man is an asshole. The sort who likes breeding and taking control. Don't let him do that to you.

Thefourbells · 16/05/2021 22:08

OP he's already lied to you. When someone tells you who they are, listen. You don't live with this man, you aren't married, you don't have any children with him. You are young. Get out now and don't waste your time.

RantyAnty · 16/05/2021 22:13

Yep he's a liar.
Get out now.

Happycat1212 · 16/05/2021 22:14

Have you ever met the baby? Are you sure there is one?

Why would he make up having a child Hmm No one does that Confused

peboh · 16/05/2021 22:15

OP. Run.
Red flags are all over this man, his relationship with you, his relationship with his child and that with the 'one night stand'
Why would he promise her, a woman he supposedly got pregnant after only one night together, that he wouldn't get into a relationship until the child is much older? He lives hours away, and could easily maintain a relationship separate to his child until things are serious and the child older. Come on now. You know he's lying to you. She isn't a one night stand. She's more than likely an ex, an ex that he still has feelings for if he won't admit to his relationship with you.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 22:16

@Amz210

I think he was trying to downplay to make me feel better? Obviously that’s really stupid but I think he thought he would look better if they just had sex one time. Not making excuses for him
You are making excuses for him.

He thought he would have more chance of shagging you / dating you if he told you a lie about his own child.

And that's someone you want to be with?

Someone you can't outright say to "listen I know you lied about how much you knew (her name) before you had (baby's name) so it's silly to keep lying". The fact you've not been able to say that openly in eight months or that he hasn't told you the truth in eight months is jusy another sign this isn't a healthy relationship. At all.

getyourfreakon · 16/05/2021 22:17

This is ridiculous. Why are you entertaining this situation? Cut him loose and cast your net wider than this.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 22:17

Bloody hell I missed that - he doesn't work either, despite having a child to support and being young and fit to work?

OP, wake up!

Original poster
Amz210 · 16/05/2021 22:18

Wow, I’ve spoken about this with my friends and I think because they saw how in love we were they didn’t say or do anything to rock the boat.

I’m glad I came here and told the truth.

Oh believe me I had said I know you’re lying about the one night stand. That’s when he said he wished the baby was with me, he’d be so happy etc etc

OP posts:
Thefourbells · 16/05/2021 22:19

Why would he make up having a childNo one does that

Lol. They definitely do.