How worried would you be at this age? friend comment worried me

[hildar]

I’m 36 in October and I am in a 4 month long relationship with someone I really click with. It’s been a slow pace, didn’t have sex until a week ago for example. But he makes me feel like the world is lit up again! Quite soppy I know. We have talked about marriage and kids and he said from the start that’s what he wants. We’ve never said we want that together and obviously we have only just started a relationship so it isn’t a topic for now. He’s 38 if that matters!

Speaking to a friend last night who was going on and on about how old I am and said I really needed to start having chats with him about a having family ASAP. I really want this and she knows it but I felt it was almost said in a way to put me down...she is settled and there’s been a few comments about my age in the past which have upset me. Anyway, regardless of her intention it’s really panicked me.

My question is, if you don’t want kids alone (I know it’s an option it’s just not for me), how worried would you be now? I think about it all the time and have since I was 30, just never met the right person, but I don’t want to rush things with this man. I also want us to be more established and that can’t happen immediately. How worried would you be about age?

I am finding it hard to relax and see how things go and I don’t want to ruin the relationship in the process.

I had a baby at 37, then a miscarriage, then nothing. I’ll be a bit sad forever that our dd doesn’t have a sibling. I wouldn’t put it off if I were you. If he’s the right person, he’ll understand your worry.

Fertility problems can occur anytime, so even if you met someone in your 20s it doesn't mean you'd be able to have kids. Perhaps ask yourself whether you'd still be happy with your bf if you don't end up having kids.

Op, you have plenty of time. Get go know this chap and don't scare him off by talking about kids etc this early. Yes, have an understanding early on , if , someone wants kids in the future but that is it for now. Evaluate the relationship as it evolves. You may find your feelings change.

Your friend may have /or had her own anxieties that she could be transferring to you. Or, she may not now be exactly living her best life and envious of you? Wants you in the same rut she is in?

My nan married when she was 40 and that was in 1940. Considered very old for the time . She had 5 children then in very short succession, when she was aged 41-45, including a set of twins, her last children... my mum and her twin sibling in 1945. This was in Ireland. No medical intervention etc, in them days, or sophisticated monitoring as we have today. 36 is no age in todays day and age. Take your time and don't be rushed .

I would also be a bit more selective with what you tell this friend. She sounds like a big bit of a biaatch!

@Minty "way back in the seventies". 😳 ...now i do feel old!

Family member had their first and only at 46 - triplets totally unplanned!

Unfortunately there’s never a good age to be a woman according to some people. I remember people asking me when I was 26 if I was worried I didn’t have a husband yet.

Try not to let it bother you. You don’t want to spoil a relationship by freaking out on such issues.

What a dick of a mate.

36 is fine. You are who you are! What I would be mindful of is letting the fear drive you in to pushing for kids just becos you are panicking about the biological clock every woman is supposed to be so concerned about. Focus on seeing if this guy is actually your match instead of jumping into trying to conceive.