Getting an ex back

[Wellthatdidntgowell]

So am wondering if this ever works?

I ended things. I had someone message me on social media saying they were seeing him too but found out since it was rubbish. When I ended it I didn’t answer his calls and he came over and wanted his stuff back and was angry I left him on the doorstep. I just didn’t know what to do.

I left it 5 days and contacted him, he’s angry said I should have had his back and that I treated him like a 🤬 leaving him on the doorstep and disrespected him. He’s also saying I watch his phone and don’t trust him etc.

I have been cheated on before so am wary. But I feel like such an idiot and I really want to make things right.

We have spoken everyday since I got in contact and he has calmed a little and just says let’s see how it goes, and let’s see maybe you will. But won’t phone me or see me. It’s been 2 weeks now.

What should I do? Is this a no am heartbroken and confused.

I think you dud the right thing leaving in the first place. Either it's true and he was seeing someone else or someone hates him so much that they make up shite to message you with - far too much drama.

And now if he does come back he seems the sort to throw your not taking his side back in your face at every given opportunity.

Stay split and move on. You made the right choice ending it originally.

He could be forgiving and understanding. But he’s not choosing to be, is he?

I agree with Umbrella... Stay split!
There's usually a reason why people get in touch about cheating.. Yes there are vindictive people who do it out of spite. On many occasions it's because they've been seeing a guy, and finds out he's a cheat. His attitude seems to be making you beg, and grovel or his return, this doesn't look like he cares about you does it? Yes he may be mad, but so were you getting messages from another woman. If he's not been in contact in two weeks, I'd just leave it. He seems the sort to throw this back at you every chance he gets. You'll be walking on egg shells around him.
The other possibility is he was seeing someone else, and she informed you, and he's now with her. She probably found out about you, and forced his arm in telling you.
Move on and find someone who creates less drama.

If you split, there's normally a good reason and it's not worked out.

He's angry and not making much effort to re start the relationship, it takes two for it to work so stop chasing him if you really want to get back with him, let him come to you to show you he does, it can't be one sided.

How do you know it was Rubbish OP ?

She was saying things which aren’t true. I.e he was with her Friday night, but a friend of mine was there and saw him all night, not with her. And other stuff doesn’t add up. So I know it’s false.

Maybe she got her dates mixed up. Or maybe your friend did. Or maybe he asked your pal to cover for him.

Either way though, if you got back with him you would forever be at a disadvantage. Any time you called him out on anything shifty he could tell you you were being paranoid or unfair like before.

Why would you bother?
Better to stay single/look for a new guy.
Preferably one who doesn't have drama following him around.

She wouldn’t cover for him. And there are other things

Go No Contact with him. Get over him.

Sounds like too much drama. Don't try to get him back. Plus there's too much bad blood between you two now and that always leaves a stain that never goes away.

What does he have that no other man has that convinces you want him back and no one else?

I love him

its either true and u did the right thing by breaking up cause he cheated

or

its false and the breakup is best for him as you pretty much ghosted him and didnt even offer him a chance to explain to you. of course he is angry, he has every right to be

either way best to go your separate ways.
surely if you loved him you would have looked forevidence/talked to him before ghosting him

@Wellthatdidntgowell

I love him

So keep your eyes and ears open from now on. There is a trust issue here and people are usually malicious for a reason

I did talk to him first some other stuff had happened previously. He was seen on a dating site but swore on his daughters life it was someone pretending to be him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then a few weeks later this and I tried to talk to him but just laughed about it and wouldn’t discuss it much as tired. I said I was feeling strange about it all and wanted to see him but he didn’t.

@Cloudfrost

its either true and u did the right thing by breaking up cause he cheated

or

its false and the breakup is best for him as you pretty much ghosted him and didnt even offer him a chance to explain to you. of course he is angry, he has every right to be

either way best to go your separate ways.
surely if you loved him you would have looked forevidence/talked to him before ghosting him

Also the person obviously did know him as she said things that only someone who did would know. But was strange m.

@Wellthatdidntgowell

I did talk to him first some other stuff had happened previously. He was seen on a dating site but swore on his daughters life it was someone pretending to be him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then a few weeks later this and I tried to talk to him but just laughed about it and wouldn’t discuss it much as tired. I said I was feeling strange about it all and wanted to see him but he didn’t.

This is a red flag OP. I mean this kindly when I say that he was lying about the dating app. Too many things aren't adding up and he's treated you appallingly. It will be hard but you need to let him go. You love a version of him but that's not who he is. The real him has made you feel like crap.

@Wellthatdidntgowell

I did talk to him first some other stuff had happened previously. He was seen on a dating site but swore on his daughters life it was someone pretending to be him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then a few weeks later this and I tried to talk to him but just laughed about it and wouldn’t discuss it much as tired. I said I was feeling strange about it all and wanted to see him but he didn’t.

oh dear

OP look at the situation clearly. He was on a dating site? He said it was a friend?
Are you sure the person didn't tell you about his cheating to pique your interest, but threw a few red herrings into the mix so they could let you know, but not get into trouble with him too much?
There seems an awful lot of coincidences in relation to other cheating incidents in your relationship. He's not rushing to build bridges, and that's good, as he isn't for you. Sometimes love is just simply not enough.

IME the only people who swear on their children's lives are liars.

Yeah well he’s affronted by that. Said he swore on his kids life and I still didn’t believe him.

On top of all that, he was on a dating site.

So he's cheated on you potentially a number of times but at least once, and somehow you've found yourself in a situation where you are begging him to get back with you. Crazy.

Preserve your dignity. Tell him to fuck off, and mean it.

He’s literally waving red flags in your face. My advice would be to go no contact, sometimes silence is your friend.

My ex swore on his dads life while we knew his dad had cancer and was in treatment.

When it turned out my ex was lying, I pointed out what a sick thing that was to do.

His response?

"Thanks for using the fact my dad has cancer against me."

I mean... this level of liar is not even worth talking to. The lying on someone else's life is such a clear sign of an arrogant, relentless liar.

@anunexaminedlife

On top of all that, he was on a dating site.

So he's cheated on you potentially a number of times but at least once, and somehow you've found yourself in a situation where you are begging him to get back with you. Crazy.

Preserve your dignity. Tell him to fuck off, and mean it.

Well he said it was someone pretending to be him, it’s happened on other sites before. That they must have stolen his pictures