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Original poster

Husband messaging escorts

61 replies

BrokenDown123 · 13/05/2021 02:30

Without getting in glory details just want to knw if anyone has been in similar situation and how it turned out.
So I've caught my husband searching and messaging escorts. Found out through old bills that's been going on for over 6 months. He is sorry but says his only been looking and messaging his never been to one. His makes appointments but then cancels them.
I'm trying to understand this can someone really message and make appointments with escorts for over 6 months and not actually go and see them? I'm I naive to believe him? Please let me know your experiences and thoughts. I have checked bank statements and there aren't any large cash withdrawals or any strange charges.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2021 02:38

He is sorry but says his only been looking and messaging his never been to one.

I was always holding the cigarettes for a friend. It's a ridiculous lie and if you believe it, you're giving him permission to carry on.

An escort on another thread said that she wouldn't take a booking twice from someone that cancelled once. Any repeat appointments?

TheHoneyBadger · 13/05/2021 02:40

Who cares? Isn't the wanting to see one and booking appointments enough?

It's a massive issue in itself. Sorry you're going through this.

SarahBellam · 13/05/2021 02:41

“Only been looking and messaging”. For the last 6 months? I would stake my house on that being a lie.

Topknott · 13/05/2021 02:45

Well only you can decide if you believe him or not. What I can tell you is if he has been making booking and constantly canceling or no showing he will be but on a WOT list. Escorts generally will generally reach out to others & share info about clients so he would be frozen out pretty quickly.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2021 03:11

I'm I naive to believe him?

Of course you are, and you know you are, but for the fun if it, lets say he hasn't met with an escort. It doesn't fucking matter. Sending messages and making appointments is more than enough to kick his sorry arse out.

Don't allow him to play you for a fool.

Original poster
BrokenDown123 · 13/05/2021 03:26

Thanks for your responses. I know it's unforgivable what his done. I'm just thinking about my kids. If it wasn't for them I would have cut all connections with him in a heart beat. I just hate to think I can't give my kids complete family. If his really sorry and hasn't been there and wants to make this work than I will give it ago. But if has been there I can't take him back. I wish there was a way to know this for certain.

OP posts:
TheHoneyBadger · 13/05/2021 03:38

I may be unusual but I find someone sneaking around, communicating with people, hiding things and letting you go on centring them and assuming all is well is worse than infidelity.

For example if a partner went out after we'd been rowing, got very drunk and slept with someone BUT immediately came home and said oh my god, I'm so sorry, this happened, etc I would find that more forgivable than someone flirting and texting and building up emotional ties etc with someone over a sustained period of time and not telling me and showing they had so little respect for me that they were ok with making a complete idiot of me and letting me live in a little bubble of thinking all was well when it wasn't.

Lex345 · 13/05/2021 06:05

I wish there was a way to know this for certain.

He has been messaging other women soliciting sex for SIX MONTHS. This is the part you know about! It is improbable that this is the only thing he has done. When you say going over old bills, do you mean phone bills and therefore have seen texts to a string of numbers or has he been texting premium numbers or do you mean money has actually changed hands?

To be honest, all irrelevant.
You deserve better than this.

Notagain20 · 13/05/2021 06:19

It's not your responsibility to give your kids a complete family, it's not you who has betrayed the kids, it's him. He has already done the damage, broken your trust and shown that he regards women as things to buy.

The best you can do for your kids now is be true to yourself, value yourself and let them grow up with a strong and confident mum. What they really don't need or deserve is a mum who is denying her gut instincts, putting up with lies and disrespect, slowly dying inside as a result and a father figure who is taking the piss and putting an orgasm before his family.

I'm sorry you're in this position but be brave x

MissScotland101 · 13/05/2021 06:27

When you say large amount of money haven’t gone missing then most escorts only charge around £70-£100 for a half hour depending where you are in the UK, London is obviously at the higher end of the market.

Caramel81 · 13/05/2021 06:40

A bloke I knew who used to visit escorts would withdraw a tenner here and there until he had built up £100 to go and see an escort once a month. He said it would be too suspect to his wife if he withdrew it all in one go

MissScotland101 · 13/05/2021 06:41

@Caramel81

A bloke I knew who used to visit escorts would withdraw a tenner here and there until he had built up £100 to go and see an escort once a month. He said it would be too suspect to his wife if he withdrew it all in one go
Exactly, cheats are sneaky as hell.
Shoxfordian · 13/05/2021 06:42

He’s cheated on you

Divorce him

soworried28 · 13/05/2021 06:42

This is one of the things I wouldn't tolerate. a man who married you, loves you, supports you and actually VALUES marriage and your relationship wouldn't even DARE doing this.

soworried28 · 13/05/2021 06:43

Also, completely irrelevant if he's actually been to one or not.

PermanentTemporary · 13/05/2021 06:44

I'm not someone who finds physical fidelity the most important thing in a marriage but I would really struggle with this. I would go and have a counselling session and just talk for an hour. You can't have dreamed of this as your future; you are important; you're allowed, thank God, to decide that your family can continue without having to live with this in the same house.

Trixie78 · 13/05/2021 06:47

Hon he's not cancelling those appointments and even in the (unlikely) event he is this surely must be a deal breaker for you? I could never be with a man who would contemplate and think it acceptable to buy a woman for sex. He's a misogynistic twat and you need to get away. He has no respect for you or any woman in his life. Also get an STI check. I'm so sorry 💐

MissScotland101 · 13/05/2021 06:51

I have an escort friend who told me that she would never get into a relationship again because so many men that see her are married, she said the majority were married and that some of them told her that men simply get bored of sleeping with the same woman for years and that 99/100 it’s nothing to do with their wives and everything to do with them, I say that if a man knows he is like this then he has no place getting married. She is so messed up now and has started seeing women because she says what’s the point of falling in love with a man if he is going to get bored of her a few years into it, I suggested that men can simply try spicing up their marriage and she said the men say “but sometimes I just want someone different from my wife, for example my wife is a slim, small cheated blonde so then I’ll want a curvy busty brunette”!Shock

wdmtthgcock · 13/05/2021 06:52

They are always "just looking".
I don't believe him. Sorry OP.

Anyway say he has only been looking.... that's just as bad. He's made appointments - that means he intended to go. Even if he has cancelled up to now it means there will come a point where he does go.

My ex regularly went to brothels and I took him back a couple of times (why, I have no fucking idea...I had other problems at the time). They never change. It's just so sleazy and disgusting and also shows a complete disregard for women - he thinks it's perfectly ok for him to pay for sex.
I think you should go with the assumption that he has slept with one or more escorts and decide what you do (rather than try to find out whether he actually has or not). As I said the intention was there.

updownroundandround · 13/05/2021 06:53

@BrokenDown123

I agree that your H is the one who ''cannot give his children a complete family'', not you !

You did nothing wrong.
He has been contacting escorts for 6 bloody months !

It is quite frankly laughable that he expects you to believe his lies !

I'm afraid you'll find it impossible to 'make a go of your marriage', simply because all trust is gone.

You'll always be 'on the lookout' for dodgy phone charges/missing cash/ what he's up to for 4 hrs on a Sat evening etc etc

But he'll be so much harder to catch at it now, because he'll buy a new phone/open another bank account etc so that he can keep his secrets safe from you.

All you'd be giving your poor children is a suspicious mother always having to check up on her husband, and a cheating father who puts his 'jollies' above his wife and kids ! Definitely not a good relationship model for your kids to aspire to, is it ?

But if, on balance, you still want to 'save' your marriage, then he must admit the truth. And the truth must not be hidden from your families. Lies and deceit always corrupt, and come to light eventually. So if you both want to 'get past' this, then he must also admit the truth to both his and your family, so that he really owns up to what he has done, and sees and feels the effect it has on all of you.

If he's not willing to tell the truth, and not the whitewashed 'I'm really innocent' crap about going as far as booking the escort (ffs !), but not meeting her (really ????Hmm ) then I'm afraid your marriage is already over, you're just extending the time the 'death throes' will take.

Morgan12 · 13/05/2021 06:56

Do you have a daughter?

bubblebath62636 · 13/05/2021 07:29

He's full of shit the dirty bastard.

Get rid and don't look back.

MarshmallowAra · 13/05/2021 07:54

A happy single parent family is a complete family.

The happy, perfect nuclear family on brochures etc. is all very well; does that fantasy scenario of smiling parents include the bloke sneaking off back to the hotel room to message prostitutes?

MarshmallowAra · 13/05/2021 07:58

So have you seen the content of the messages?

Have you seen if he had UK punting or similar accounts?

You'd need to check these, before he deletes everything, if you can.

Even if he hasn't really met with s prostitute, it's hardly decent partner/husband material, is it.

MarshmallowAra · 13/05/2021 08:00

*your H is the one who ''cannot give his children a complete family'', not you !

You did nothing wrong.
He has been contacting escorts for 6 bloody months !*

This too.

You can give your kids a traditional, stable family; he's the one who can't.

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