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Original poster

Ex's ex wanting to have dd number.

75 replies

unicornsarereal72 · 12/05/2021 18:58

I've not responded to this yet because I don't want to react with emotion.

Ex left me for ow. They were together a few years. I'm sure she likes dd and dd reports that she was kind. Etc I've no issues with her in anyway. And have never seen or had any contact with her. As there was never any need

When ex went awol for months on end she had no contact with dd either.

They have now split up. There are no joint siblings so not a relationship that will need to be maintained.

Dd has not had her phone number before. Dd is 8. And only has a phone so her dad can keep in touch more easily.

X has told dd today he is no longer with her. But would dd like her number to keep in touch?

Dd has asked me. Everything is screaming inside to say. Why would you.

But my sensible head feels it would probably fizzle out over time. So replied that it was a lovely idea to keep in touch.

What are other people's thoughts. Thank you.

OP posts:
BingBongToTheMoon · 12/05/2021 19:03

If your DD wants to, why not? She was another person who loves your daughter.
As you said, it likely will fizzle out.

Checkingout811 · 12/05/2021 19:07

How has the ex contacted your DD today?

AlmostSummer21 · 12/05/2021 19:10

I would hate it as I'd like the woman to be out of my life, but if DD wanted I'd let DD - for DD's sake not super bitches.

@Checkingout811. EX. is KIDS dad

whisperingsummer · 12/05/2021 19:11

No, I think it's a way to get him back, she doesn't want to split and hoping being in touch with your dd will keep them in communication.
She was the ow, his gf not a mother to her or a friend at 8 years old.

Checkingout811 · 12/05/2021 19:12

@AlmostSummer21 oh sorry 🙈 I thought she meant- DDs dads ex.. as in the other woman.

BlueVelvetStars · 12/05/2021 19:12

NO 🌸

HerRoyalNotness · 12/05/2021 19:13

No. If she was a teen perhaps but not at that age.

romdowa · 12/05/2021 19:14

It would be a no from me. Your dc is 8 and will probably never see this woman again. What could they possibly need to keep in contact for?

Original poster
unicornsarereal72 · 12/05/2021 19:18

@Checkingout811

Dd has a phone so her dad (my ex) can keep in touch with her more easily. Ex left me for ow.

Ex and ow have now split up. Ex has asked dd if she would like ow phone number. So ow can keep in touch with dd. Dd only has phone here. It goes nowhere else so any messages will only been seen by me.

@romdowa that is my feeling too. There is no further relationship between dd and ow. Particularly as ex has now quickly moved on to new girlfriend.

I

OP posts:
romdowa · 12/05/2021 19:21

And when the new girlfriend gets dumped will she want your dd number too ? Your daughter needs a clean break when these women come and go.

Spied · 12/05/2021 19:24

I'd not be happy about it.
Could be a means of manipulation and keeping tabs on what her ex (dd's dad) is up to and at 8yo your dd may not recognise the coercion so really just be a pawn in an adult game.
Even if this isn't the case I don't think it's really beneficial at all for either party.
If they met in the street then a 'Hi, how are you?' is lovely but anything more isn't appropriate imo.
Different if DD was an older teen and they had things in common.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2021 19:24

Absolutely NO WAY.

Milliepossum · 12/05/2021 19:26

The OW was part of breaking up your dd’s family, please teach your dd to have boundaries, that woman has no business maintaining contact with a young child.

Original poster
unicornsarereal72 · 12/05/2021 19:27

Thank you. My whole body is screaming no. But I can't rationalise why it isn't a 'nice' thing. And know dd dad. My ex will say I'm being difficult.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2021 19:29

My ex will say I'm being difficult

Why would you possibly care what that arsehole thinks?

Original poster
unicornsarereal72 · 12/05/2021 19:29

@Milliepossum Dd doesn't know that though. Although made no secret about it when ex left I explained that he didn't love mummy anymore and that he has ow now who makes him happy. And ow was on the scene from day one of us splitting up.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 12/05/2021 19:30

Say ok and monitor closely any questions about her dad then block

user648482729 · 12/05/2021 19:31

I’d hate this but I also think that not much will come of it so for your DDs sake I’d let it go.

QuentinBunbury · 12/05/2021 19:32

See I think its more likely your exH wants to use DD to keep tabs on OW. By giving DD her number it keeps a contact route open if for example OW has blocked ex.
I think I'd say no unless your DD actually wants to stay in touch

Original poster
unicornsarereal72 · 12/05/2021 19:32

@Aquamarine1029 valid point and I don't hold any value in what he thinks. I just didn't want to be 'petty' if this was just an emotional reaction.

I have had to have words with ex already this week about dd spending weekend With him and new gf after dd had no idea that ow was off the scene. And had seen ow with dad 4 weeks ago. 🙄

OP posts:
minniemomo · 12/05/2021 19:33

It's likely to fizzle over time but I can't see the harm, kids benefit from having loving adults in their lives and it matters not if they are biologically or legally related

toocold54 · 12/05/2021 19:40

I think it’s lovely.
She obviously likes your DD very much and doesn’t want her to think just because she’s spilt up with her dad that she’s going to stop talking to her too.

If DD wants to give it to her then I’d definitely let her and it’ll end up fizzling out on its own but it’s nice for your DD to know she cares about her still.

Cimone · 12/05/2021 19:50

Absolutely not. It was totally inappropriate for your Ex to even suggest such garbage to an 8 year old child. That is the woman HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH AND LEFT YOU FOR. Though you have no animosity towards her, there is no reason to get a minor child involved in adult tawdry behavior. Why did you lie to your daughter is my first question? She asked you for honesty and logic and reason, and instead you gave her garbage lies and pretense. Stop it.

Sit your baby down and explain to her that her role in your exes life is that of a child, and she is not to be mixed up in adult affairs. That means she is NOT to talk to t hat woman (who will be milking her for information), and that this is part of life the coming together then moving on. Teaching her this early to codependently hang onto dead relationships is the wrong way to parent. Teach her boundaries. Teach her to say "NO!" Teach her to look out for her own best interests.

Say NO! You will not be getting that woman's number and if anyone tries to force it on you, tell me immediately and I will handle it. Then you do just that. Protect your child from stupidity . Always.

Happycat1212 · 12/05/2021 19:54

No way!

Original poster
unicornsarereal72 · 12/05/2021 19:56

@Cimone thank you for such a passionate reply. I do appreciate it. But there was no way i was going to tell a 4 year old about ow. I felt at the time. I told her the truth in an appropriate way. Daddy doesn't love mummy anymore but has 'floss' now and that makes him happy. Aka he loves her now not me.

It is not for a child to take on adult issues. You are right and that is also true for parents who separate. You don't want your children to take sides. Etc and I felt it was the right approach for me and my children.

OP posts:
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