Not sure anymore

[Kaleu]

Hello
I have been married for 25 years and the last 10 have been so rocky!
Not sure if it's me are if I'm crazy like he tells me I am!?
About 2015 he started drinking more and hanging out with his friends more
There was a time I walked in a bar and a girl was sitting on his lap and he never seen me until I went up to him he told me nothing to get upset by it ok? And the we were with friends and he was making eye contact with a chick we know ugh I ask him about it and he tell me if I'm not giving it to him he has to get it some where else ugh and there was a time he was getting off work and going and talking to a bartender lots after work!
He has hit me couple times and raises his hands at me and puts me down all the time. We separated but I went back to him nothing has changeed. I don't know nothing else and never have been on my own lost.
He tells me has never cheated but he would never let me touch his phone.
Am I crazy for thinking that and staying

I think there are many reasons why you are crazy for staying, the domestic abuse and gaslighting being the major ones, the drinking and disrespect and lack of love the runners up.

Surely being single is a massive improvement on this absolute rubbish?!

I think he sounds a real nasty piece of work. He hits you, he cheats (you know it in your heart), he puts you down, he drinks, really what is there to stay for?

Yes, you might feel lost at first because you've been together a long time, but you can do this - be strong. Have you got family or friends who can help you?