Is something actually wrong with my cousin?

[booboocachu]

I've NC for this but am a long standing poster (Mexican house thief, Sistine screamer, cancel the cheque etc).

I am becoming increasingly fed up with my cousin but I'm worried too.

Some history.

I'm a fair bit older than her and remember her as as a very high needs baby and extremely intense child with a lot of difficult emotions. She was dreamy and disorganised and did not make or keep friends easily.

In her teens and 20s she got on a more even keel and things seemed to be going well. She was still very prone to crying a lot and catastrophising with not much of a sense of my needs / boundaries. For example I remember her calling me on my landline at midnight when I had small children to discuss a work issue that was bothering her for example or another time calling up to shout and scream about some perceived slight on my part. But she was still fun and had some perspective and even self awareness.

Now she is in her 30s and all that dreamy
disorganisation and ups and downs seem to have gone completely and been replaced by paranoia and rage.

She is obsessed with money and will openly speculate on her inheritance. She was furious when her PIL downsized as had been planning to move into their house when they died.

She has not been able to stay at any jobs because she argues with and resents any authority figures

She seems to have no empathy for others and talks at them at great length about her paranoid concerns and worries.

A lot of her friends have now dropped her and her siblings have distanced themselves too.

I do love her but I don't understand this personality shift. Does she sound NT? Why would someone shift from emotional ups and downs to what seems to be a purely negative outlook? And what can I do?

And what can I do

Unfortunately, nothing apart from talk to her and politely say you've noticed her personality change and that she doesn't seem happy, you're very concerned about her and advise her to see her GP.

Has your cousin had any kind of trauma in her life at all. such as a very bad accident,or maybe lost a friend who has had the same. Sometimes people will have a change in their personalities, if they have been through some very bad situations, as in life threatening ones.

@54321namechange

Could she perhaps have ASD?

For fuck sake.

I'm so sick of strangers shouting autism when someone tells a tale of rude behavior.

@user77hjjy same 🙄

An ASD diagnosis seems to be the answer for a lot of posters on here. How about.... some people are just naturally - different / unsociable / uncaring / unaware / couldn't give a shit / self centred / narcissistic / suffering from a period of depression / just going through a rough patch etc etc etc the list goes on but ASD/ADHD seem to be such a common reasoning on this forum 🤷‍♀️

OP - there's possibly an underlying issue here, perhaps a bit of depression (maybe even bipolar? I have experience and there's a little of what you say rings as familiar) BUT as a PP said, all you can do is listen, say you've noticed her change in behaviour and you're here if she needs a chat. That's all you SHOULD do, you have your own life and while you can be a support, these people will inevitably break you x Wish you all the best x

That must be a MN record, second post.

DS1 has ASD and these aren't his behaviours, but it presents differently in females (and everyone, tbh).

Unfortunately, women with ASD are very often misdiagnosed with bipolar or EUPD, because there's a lot of overlap in symptoms (I can see this in my family).

Your cousin needs to get a GP appointment in the first instance, if you can persuade her to get help.

[quote Meggymoo777]@user77hjjy same 🙄

An ASD diagnosis seems to be the answer for a lot of posters on here. How about.... some people are just naturally - different / unsociable / uncaring / unaware / couldn't give a shit / self centred / narcissistic / suffering from a period of depression / just going through a rough patch etc etc etc the list goes on but ASD/ADHD seem to be such a common reasoning on this forum 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
I was about to say the same thing. It's grim.

Yes, women with autism present differently but they aren't typically paranoid and filled with rage which aren't ASD symptoms.

It sounds more like some kind of psychological disorder. Unless she goes to ask for help though, they're not much you can do. Except protect yourself.

Also the lack of empathy in autism is a complete myth.

I also said FFS at the suggestion.

For the first half of your post I thought ASD/ADHD. My house is full of it (me and the two children) however absolutely NOT the rage or horrible behaviour. We all have empathy too .
The thing is, what can you do? I guess putting a label on shitty behaviour might help you with her behaviour but this attitude perpetuates the huge misconceptions around neurodivergance and will it change anything?

Could it be a personality disorder? There is lots of interesting information on the Mind website.

bipolar?

Who knows OP. She could have any of the following personality disorders or none at all...

Suspicious:
Paranoid personality disorder
Schizoid personality disorder
Schizotypal personality disorder

Emotional and impulsive:
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Histrionic personality disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder

Anxious:
Avoidant personality disorder
Dependent personality disorder
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)

(Copy and paste from ‘Mind’ MH website)

@Gassylady

Could it be a personality disorder? There is lots of interesting information on the Mind website.

Xpost! 😊

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/personality-disorders/types-of-personality-disorder/

It sounds like cptsd

It could be all sorts of things. But what kind/if it is a mental issue can only be ascertained if she seeks help. She needs to seriously talk to her GP or see a good therapist.
The paranoia and rage could all come from out of control anxiety, but what is causing it/making it so bad is not something "randoms on the Internet" can identify.
And to help her you need to protect yourself first.

@54321namechange

Could she perhaps have ASD?

FFS I bet if the OP hadn’t referred to empathy in her post you wouldn’t have said that. Not one thing is the post suggests this.

Why have you got to do anything? If she’s a pain just ignore her.

Thanks all. I agree that there's nothing much I can do, I know she's had therapy in the very distant past I wonder if she would again. I think it's the change in personality that's thrown me. I don't understand where all the anger has come from. I don't think there have been any traumas, although I wouldn't necessarily know. I miss the old her, I'm worried that she's losing her best years to paranoia and loneliness.

Sounds nothing like ASD to me.

This sounds like she has a mental health disorder but it's impossible to say what without a more in depth history. If you want to help encourage her to go to the gp or seek help privately if that's an option for her. Is she aware she's very up and down?

It does sound as though something is wrong and it is possible to become gradually more sour if things are repeatedly turning out badly as it sounds like things have. It would be a shame if she has been struggling through an undiagnosed condition and this was the reason why she constantly hit bumps in her work and relationships. I think any of us would become bitter if those two major things never went well. Maybe she is the author of her own troubles, maybe she's a lost soul who has never received vital support.
If you can discuss it with her that might be a kind choice, but it sounds like it would not be simple. If no-one cares enough to try to get to the bottom of it then her trajectory isn't likely to change. But then some people reach a point where they reject any intervention no matter how well intended. Which would be so sad, she's only young. Can you discuss it with anyone else in the family, it's a big thing to try to confront alone