Is something actually wrong with my cousin?

[booboocachu]

I've NC for this but am a long standing poster (Mexican house thief, Sistine screamer, cancel the cheque etc).

I am becoming increasingly fed up with my cousin but I'm worried too.

Some history.

I'm a fair bit older than her and remember her as as a very high needs baby and extremely intense child with a lot of difficult emotions. She was dreamy and disorganised and did not make or keep friends easily.

In her teens and 20s she got on a more even keel and things seemed to be going well. She was still very prone to crying a lot and catastrophising with not much of a sense of my needs / boundaries. For example I remember her calling me on my landline at midnight when I had small children to discuss a work issue that was bothering her for example or another time calling up to shout and scream about some perceived slight on my part. But she was still fun and had some perspective and even self awareness.

Now she is in her 30s and all that dreamy
disorganisation and ups and downs seem to have gone completely and been replaced by paranoia and rage.

She is obsessed with money and will openly speculate on her inheritance. She was furious when her PIL downsized as had been planning to move into their house when they died.

She has not been able to stay at any jobs because she argues with and resents any authority figures

She seems to have no empathy for others and talks at them at great length about her paranoid concerns and worries.

A lot of her friends have now dropped her and her siblings have distanced themselves too.

I do love her but I don't understand this personality shift. Does she sound NT? Why would someone shift from emotional ups and downs to what seems to be a purely negative outlook? And what can I do?

@booboocachu

On the asd point.

My DH has asd and adhd but he manages both very well. I do see similarities between my cousin and DH and both are very self centred. But whereas he is extremely gentle and decent she seems to have got further and further away from her childhood personality. And my DH has actually suffered trauma - it didn't make him angry as she is.

OP as is commonly said, meeting one NNTP means exactly that, you've met one. NNTP aren't all the same and neither are people with complex mental health needs.

Just because your husband doesn't rage and has trauma in his background, doesn't mean that someone else won't. My cousin had a personality change after a head injury and sounds similar. However, she was brought up in a dysfunctional home and her siblings are similar.

She has an obsessive and histrionic personality disorder, which includes paranoia and psychosis. She lacks empathy, is manipulative but can be very charming. She didn't used to be like this as a child but you don't know what's happened to your cousin either in her childhood or in adulthood that accounts for the change.

Unfortunately, I can't be around my cousin as I find her behaviour too overwhelming and find her too difficult to deal with. It's a shame as we used to be very good friends when we were teenagers but she's attacked me and started a smear campaign about me amongst other things. She won't seek treatment or, if she does she hides anything relevant to it because of her paranoia so she can't really be helped. It's a shame.

Your cousin needs to seek help and to comply with treatment. Support her if you can but don't take risks to your own health by doing so.