Is he tight or aibu?

[Hamster555]

Went out with my Dp & LGirl at the wknd, saw a Joe Wicks recipe book, looked great barely treat myself, tbh it was for us all to use and he said straight away are u sure U want to get that I was like omg first what has it got to do with him, and he said u can prob get it online cheaper...anyway i said it's prob a reasonable price as couldn't see the tag. Anyway he ended up holding the bk as I was with my daughter and as we were distracted he hid it on a shelf! I didn't say anything until we left that section and he didn't say anything and I said were you going to tell me u hid that book & he said it'll be half the price online. Slightly petty but I just think it wasn't his choice to make! He also earns 60k and I earn 20k is it just me also or is that tight? Same place wknd prior he was fretting over buying dd a bunny as it was £15 she fell in love with it and I just thought really.

To be clear he always knew form the start where my earning limit was but and we don't in his words struggle for money, he will say I can have this if I wanted it etc but is also quite tight and only really buys things for us or the home with the majority say on his part which is probably fine as he earns more but I don't know if I'm being totally unreasonable and if so that's fine I'll shut up 🤦‍♀️

I was buying it also not him!!

I think it's less about him being tight and more about him being childish and hiding the book that would annoy me and telling me what I can or cannot do.

It’s hard to know really
Do you buy a lot on impulse? I’d always check if I could get something cheaper online.
Do you feel equal in the relationship?

He sounds tight as! I'd have gone back and got the book off the shelf!! I have quite the opposite issue to you though my DH doesn't let me pay for anything and it really annoys me.

To be honest I often pay a little more to buy things from local shops, as I feel it's really important to support them. My DH is happy to buy on line, but would never dream of telling me not to, or prevent me buying from wherever I want.

Do you have shared bank account/funds or is he saying you can't buy things with your own money?
Is DD joint child and you live together?

Sorry did you buy a rabbit on impulse or was it a planned purchase? Strange to fret over £15 for a planned purchase. Otherwise, if you’ve a habit of buying shit without thinking it through, or leaving yourself short of money so he has to bail you out then YABU.

Interesting replies! I just think he decided it was prob cheaper online and made that decision for me, known him a long time now, it was fact he just made the decision it wasn't right it's my money I wasn't asking him to buy it after all. I doymt impulse spend I don't have a lot left to do that and really wanted it but I also felt like someone else said like it's right to buy something occasionally or else the shop wouldn't exist! I think he's tight as he's ok buying loads of sale stuff but if it's over £15 he get twitchy!! But doesn't mind browsing £2k watches online! Never just buys me anything randomly. Like my friend has her birthday today and her partner is taking her lot to buy a watch! He buys things that he gets enjoyment from for us but I think that he can easily take back if required. I'm questioning my relationship with him a lot lately on many levels

@MichelleScarn

I have my own BA, he has his own, we have a savings joint At but it's rarely used only sits there for Emergencies. Yes our child is together and we live together, married x

Maybe I’m “tight” but on a joint income of £80k, I would not be impulse buying a Joe wicks cookbook and yet another stuffed toy for my child at a full unknown price. Maybe at a charity shop. Probably not though depends on whether I could get both for under £2.

Recipes you can get online for free. Joe wicks cookbook is just going to be a selection of recipes he’s found online and likes with a few fancy photos. Not worth paying money for imho. And most children have enough stuffed toys to populate a village, so no need to get in habit of buying yet another toy on a regular shopping trip.

It may not seem much, but it all adds up over time. Not saying you are wrong, just that I’m frugal and so is your DH.

The rabbit was an impulse but I was ok for her to have it as I can't even remember the last time we went out and bought her a soft toy, this is the thing she isn't showered with stuff she doesn't need. I plan my own money very carefully and I don't overspend, I never ask him for anything never have, I just said i think she should have it, he moaned about the money but was fine when I said let's go halves. I wasn't suggesting he buy it but it was fact he thought he was going to and obv didn't really want to,l think he was being a bit tight

@PlanDeRaccordement

I thought the book would be around a tenner, they sell online for about £8 new but the bunny we knew how much it was and we do rarely impulse by soft toys esp at £15 so I didn't think it was a really big thing at the time, just interesting to see other people's takes though for sure x

He sounds like he's quite miserly. He will only spend money on what he values and he believes he is always correct over what is acceptable to spend money on.

I don't mind people being careful but I can't stand miserly people that consider their opinion superior to others.

I think it depends on the history of other spending decisions too in this case.

I much prefer using a book than my phone for recipes but wouldn't but a full price cookbook. Nor would I buy soft toys.

Maybe he’s quite stressed being the main earner?

Do you work part time to look after your joint child?

@RandomMess he def is quite a bit overly anal when it comes to spending money, I do understand being frugal but she's definitely going to be our only child and we rarely do go shopping it's rare we see her so excited and she relay loved this toy I think being me I didn't even think twice it was sold but he would quite happily if i wasn't there very likely put it back which I just think is a bit mean! And hiding the book without asking me was wrong I think it was my money so should've been my mistake if I got ripped, exp lesson for me

@RosieGuacamosie No I work full time M-F, I've always worked full time. He says a lot of the time he isn't stress, apparently he does not do stress, I don't think you could though tbh earning that I think it probably comes with the salary but he says he doesn't get stressed - I think I've decided he's def a bit on the tight side!

Everyone should be able to have a little pocket money to spend on what they like now and again, provided all the bills and financial obligations have been met.

We’ve all been cooped up indoors and not been able to go many shops. How nice to be able to support local shops and not Amazon (tax avoiders).

Do you always have to ask his “permission” to buy things for yourself.

@Hadalifeonce

To be honest I often pay a little more to buy things from local shops, as I feel it's really important to support them. My DH is happy to buy on line, but would never dream of telling me not to, or prevent me buying from wherever I want.

This ^^

I bought three books recently from a local independent bookshop for more than I could get them on Amazon. I think they need the money more than Jeff Bezos.

The hiding of the book would have annoyed me.

Assuming finances are shared, surely it’s a joint decision what to do with the money. Do you do a lot of impulse buying?

@ThewaterlilliesofGiverny

Well this is the thing! We have been stuck in for months. Shes spent most of her life in this house, Ldown happened when she was 6mo. A lot of people had to use Amazon etc or other places online which sadly contributed to the demise of the HSt so it was prob a bit more so it was there for our half a day out! He's quite happy to nose around and not buy anything but then I think if everyone was the same that shop wouldn't exist in very few short months also.

I don't no and I'd hate to be with someone if I had to ask his permission but he does always like to put his penneth worth in to me about if I should by x y or z, maybe he worries I'll spend all my money but I'm not stupid! I only spend what I can afford within my budget

@Sandra15 Yes I totally
Agree that man is one of or the richest man in the world because it's now probably the biggest retail platform in the world, hence the HS is dying and many are becoming redundent, I hate to say it but we are all fuelling it to a degree or other. I suppose that's the free market economy but if left to unregulated it runs wild and turns into a megabuck making monopoly where very few do well out of it in the end!

@PlanDeRaccordement

Maybe I’m “tight” but on a joint income of £80k, I would not be impulse buying a Joe wicks cookbook and yet another stuffed toy for my child at a full unknown price. Maybe at a charity shop. Probably not though depends on whether I could get both for under £2.

Recipes you can get online for free. Joe wicks cookbook is just going to be a selection of recipes he’s found online and likes with a few fancy photos. Not worth paying money for imho. And most children have enough stuffed toys to populate a village, so no need to get in habit of buying yet another toy on a regular shopping trip.

It may not seem much, but it all adds up over time. Not saying you are wrong, just that I’m frugal and so is your DH.

I agree. I'm not short of money but that is because I don't impulse buy stuff I don't need. Cookbooks don't get used anyway, they just hang about until taken to a charity shop.

So have I understood? He told you not to buy the book using your own money and then hid it?
In that case he's not being tight, he's being controlling. It's none of his business what you spend your own money on,unless you can't meet joint financial commitments as a result.
Ugh. Buy the book and refuse to tell him how much you paid.

So have you asked him why the fuck he thinks he can dictate what you spend your own money on?