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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dreading tomorrow

91 replies

Washyourtoes · 10/05/2021 01:20

I can’t sleep because I am so scared about tomorrow. I don’t have anyone to talk to.

I discovered that my partner had fundamentally lied to me about well absolutely everything about himself and our relationship. It has absolutely devastated me. I’ve not spoken to him since finding out, partly because I can’t bear the thought of being lied to even more and partly because I don’t think I am able to talk to him without breaking down. When I didn’t reply to initial normal texts he started texting and calling repeatedly till I blocked him. Then today he tried to come by. I pretended I was not in.

The whole thing is complicated by the fact we work in the same place. I will see him for the first time again tomorrow. He will try to speak to me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t ever want to see him again. I’m going to leave my job, but I still have to go in for my notice. I feel sick. I texted him just now, saying I don’t want to speak to him or see him again, to not call or text, not ever come around again and to leave me alone at work. Then blocked him again. I wish I could just not go in tomorrow.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 14/05/2021 14:55

Wow! Op you come on here with your cryptic hysteria and when it turns out it was unfounded, you blame MN.

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 14/05/2021 15:54

@AgentJohnson

Wow! Op you come on here with your cryptic hysteria and when it turns out it was unfounded, you blame MN.
That's hardly fair to the OP and not what she has done.
premium77 · 14/05/2021 15:58

well that was quite the (unnecessary) circus

BlueVelvetStars · 14/05/2021 16:21

well that was the weirdest Thread ever 😳

OP you cannot be annoyed at mumsnet, for reaching the same conclusion as you, based on the information you shared. 🤣

Maggiesfarm · 05/08/2021 23:45

Fast forward less than three months and the op is living with the man. How's that for speed?

Tread warily op. It has all happened too fast.

MyOtherProfile · 05/08/2021 23:58

@Maggiesfarm

Fast forward less than three months and the op is living with the man. How's that for speed?

Tread warily op. It has all happened too fast.

So? Seems pretty mean spirited to dig back and find this thread just to criticise the OP.
LEMtheoriginal · 06/08/2021 00:02

What Myotherprofile saud. What a shitty thing to do Confused

CarpeVitam · 06/08/2021 00:05

3 month old thread ....

madroid · 06/08/2021 00:11

Down bitches.

People have misunderstandings. Get over it. Some mean cows on this thread.

PieceOfString · 06/08/2021 00:18

Op, you sound amazing. Your personal code of ethics is so strong. When you thought he had lied you immediately enforced your boundaries for the kind of man you will tolerate, even though you were in emotional turmoil. You faced him at work though you were dreading it!
You sound brilliant. I'm so glad for you that you have been able to hear it directly from his ex that the person you thought he was is real. I hope you can recover from your roller coaster and enjoy your relationship.

LEMtheoriginal · 06/08/2021 00:20

"Down bitches" Grin

JoyOrbison · 06/08/2021 00:28

"Down bitches"

Alright Barbara Woodhouse, chill out Confused

Maggiesfarm · 06/08/2021 00:32

I'm not criticising at all, I sympathise with the op, but I think it is relevant to understand the background to the latest. Somebody else pointed this out to me otherwise I would not have known.

FortunesFave · 06/08/2021 00:39

@madroid

Down bitches.

People have misunderstandings. Get over it. Some mean cows on this thread.

Ew.
Westchesterarms · 06/08/2021 00:59

@PieceOfString

Op, you sound amazing. Your personal code of ethics is so strong. When you thought he had lied you immediately enforced your boundaries for the kind of man you will tolerate, even though you were in emotional turmoil. You faced him at work though you were dreading it! You sound brilliant. I'm so glad for you that you have been able to hear it directly from his ex that the person you thought he was is real. I hope you can recover from your roller coaster and enjoy your relationship.
I think what would have made the op amazing is if, instead of just cutting the poor guy off, she'd actually behaved like a normal person and just asked him what was going on. Instead her boundaries, created by her melodramatic begaviour, caused distress to all concerned. Can't see why any of that makes the op brilliant.
Maggiesfarm · 06/08/2021 01:29

I see her as an extremely vulnerable person and wonder who she has in real life with whom she can discuss these things. Sometimes parents and/or siblings are good for that (sometimes not of course).

She certainly hasn't done anything wrong and, from what she says, neither has he. It just all seems a bit rushed.

When I think back to my young days, before meeting my husband at 23, I was very vulnerable and easily persuaded, so I have some empathy. There was nobody I could talk to confidentially or who cared about me sufficiently to be able to help. Of course I might not have listened anyway but it would have been nice to have someone good who really cared. There was no Mumsnet then either :-) (that's all a long time ago and I'm now 61, I don't want to turn this thread into being about me).

One thing I am sure about is that we all wish the op well, whatever happens.

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 06/08/2021 07:46

@Maggiesfarm

Fast forward less than three months and the op is living with the man. How's that for speed?

Tread warily op. It has all happened too fast.

What a horrid, bitchy thing to post on an old thread. You should be ashamed of yourself.
iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 06/08/2021 07:53

…And hopefully no one is stupid enough to think you actually have the OP’s best interests at heart here. “How’s that for speed” is hardly caring, it smacks of hairy-hand hunting with its “caught you out” tone. If you believe the OP is vulnerable, this is exactly the sort of thing you shouldn’t be posting publicly on her old thread. Commenting kindly on the new one would have been much better than digging up an old post which was full of nasty comments and leaving a judgy one yourself. How on earth do you think reading all this again will be helping OP?!

Windmillwhirl · 06/08/2021 08:33

You told us he was a liar. Pmsl

NeonDreams · 06/08/2021 08:52

OP, it's good that this time he was genuine. Don't blame yourself, you saw the signs, you read them as any of us would.

NeonDreams · 06/08/2021 08:54

@Maggiesfarm

Fast forward less than three months and the op is living with the man. How's that for speed?

Tread warily op. It has all happened too fast.

@Maggiesfarm Wait, where does it say she moved in with him?

Regardless, where I am many people move in with their boyfriends a month, 2 months after going out so 3 months seems normal, a bit belated even since she has known him for a lot, lot longer.

Polmuggle · 06/08/2021 09:00

@Windmillwhirl

You told us he was a liar. Pmsl
I think OP means on the other thread, not this one.
Maggiesfarm · 06/08/2021 09:08

He didn't lie.

Chickychickydodah · 06/08/2021 09:16

I would have a word with hr or manager and explain the situation , don’t leave your job if you enjoy it. He’s won if you do that!

MsHedgehog · 06/08/2021 09:29

@iwannabelikeyouhoohoo

…And hopefully no one is stupid enough to think you actually have the OP’s best interests at heart here. “How’s that for speed” is hardly caring, it smacks of hairy-hand hunting with its “caught you out” tone. If you believe the OP is vulnerable, this is exactly the sort of thing you shouldn’t be posting publicly on her old thread. Commenting kindly on the new one would have been much better than digging up an old post which was full of nasty comments and leaving a judgy one yourself. How on earth do you think reading all this again will be helping OP?!
This.

Such an unnecessarily bitchy comment. What was the point?!