Husband Wants Me To Now Get An Abortion BUT Baby Was Planned - Help?!?

[Wimbymom]

Hello everyone! Thank you SO much in advance for reading this. I am in dire straights as I can't talk to many people about this since I am only 7 weeks along. My husband and I have been up and down the last few years. He is a VERY difficult person - controlling, financially and otherwise, has a bad temper and goes from 0-60 for seemingly very small things. He shuts down and doesn't talk to me for weeks on end if I make a mistake or don't anticipate his needs. I know what you are thinking - he sounds like a nightmare and he is a lot of the time but I do love him and we have a three year old son. We almost separated this Christmas but we had a few months to cool off while I stayed with my parents and our son in the States. So with all the childcare help and a fresh perspective (being outside gloomy England), we reconciled and even decided to have another baby. I fell pregnant quickly and we came back to England this last week finally but within 24 hours of arriving, he has done one of his traditional flips (it's back to Dr. Jeckyll now) because I got sick after my second covid jab and "didnt help him" enough for 24 hours straight off a red eye. He still cant tell me what I was or wasn't supposed to do differently but just blames me for everything stressful in his life(like doing household renovation chores and driving our son to school). He has a stressful job and travels a lot but I take care of our son so we both have stresses. Now he says he wants me to have an abortion since he has changed his mind in these last few weeks! I am a week away from turning 39 and I know this is the last baby for me and he WANTED a baby only a week ago. Now he says he would rather live alone that deal with me and definitely doesn't want another child. My head is in a tailspin and I cant even talk to most of friends as I am so early in the pregnancy that no one knows! I'm even worried I will miscarry with all this stress. Help! What can I do in a situation like this? Has anyone been in a similar one?

It sounds like he tricked you into returning to the UK.

Don’t go back to the states, he can make you come back if your child’s habitual residence is the ‘gloomy UK’.

Why on earth would you even begin to contemplate bringing another poor child into this mess? He is an abuser. The choice is obviously yours whether or not you keep this baby, but you need to give your head a good wobble.

My ex and I tried years for a baby, didn’t happen so stopped thinking about it (didn’t use any contraceptio) and ended up falling pregnant. Ex first thought was that I should abort as he was too old (42) and it would ruin our lifestyle and his sport. I said no, he came around and then we split a before baby was 2 years old (typical story of his head was turned, I’d let myself go after having a baby bla bla bla) . He carried the resentment of his life changing due to baby and never fully bonded with our child.

If I could go back in time, would I change my decision? No, not at all. I can look back now and realise that it was a one way relationship and none of my needs or wants was ever met by him. I’m finally starting to be in a good place and I’m enjoying the single life.

So if you have any doubt at all do not get an abortion.

My husband and I have been up and down the last few years. He is a VERY difficult person - controlling, financially and otherwise, has a bad temper and goes from 0-60 for seemingly very small things. He shuts down and doesn't talk to me for weeks on end if I make a mistake or don't anticipate his needs.

None of that represents in love and happy.

Your children also don’t need to grow up around it, it will effect them massively.

my cousins ex was american, and had their kids while in the usa, and still had no right to remove them without his permission.. court battle was ugly, but focused on what support the mother had, and what relationships the kids had here and in the usa.. she got permission to move to the usa with them, but has to faciliate regular contact back to the uk with their dad.

Do not just leave and expect it not to bite you in the ass if he fights you over it. You need his permission, and some kind of agreement of contact between you.