Reflecting on my relationship, some things just don't sit right with me. I know it's my own autonomous decision on whether I am 'happy' with these things or not, but I am not sure if they are hallmarks of abuse or if I am just too sensitive...
- Name calling, sometimes in a 'joking' way. For example, DP will say things like 'you're a pain in the arse', 'you're annoying', in a joking fashion. Other times, during arguments, he will say things like 'you're behaving like a bitch/cunt'. I hate swearing and seldom would ever talk like that to him, and would never use language like the c word. He never calls me it directly, but says I am acting like a 'x'.
- He doesn't really take accountability for things. He will apologise and admit he did something wrong, but then follow it with 'but you did x to make my behaviour worse' or 'I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't of done x'. And he constantly uses the phrase, 'you had your part to play in it all too, it's not all me'.
- He will touch me in public, in a sexual way, even though I have told him not to and that I don't like it. Nothing too OTT, but things like quickly putting his hand down my trousers and grabbing my bum. He will also do this at night time - if I have said no to sex, and even sometimes if we have had sex, he will constantly pester me all night by trying to touch me, even if I repeatedly tell him no and to stop it and get pissed off. I end up having a terrible nights sleep.
- Recently, he has started to 'forget' that he has agreed to doing certain things or pretends he doesn't understand. For instance, he kept deleting WhatsApp conversations and lying about a certain friend of his, so when I found out he said he would be completely transparent and stop deleting his conversations with her. I then found out he'd deleted it and he said he 'regularly deletes conversations from his phone' (he doesn't as others remain, apart from hers) and then he said that he 'didn't realise he'd agreed not to delete the conversations at all, only that he wouldn't delete it if something that could upset me came up'.
Now that I've written it down, it's terrible isn't it...