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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Comments about Dds weight.

55 replies

Intrusivedilemma · 28/04/2021 17:11

I posted not too long ago about H saying DD doesn’t need anymore chocolate because she has chubby cheeks...
I’ve just had a corker from my MIL. “I didn’t realise they get cellulite so young, you need to start using those legs dd”

She is 2. 2 years old.
I don’t even know what I’m asking. I’m so fucking upset. I really feel like I need to get a divorce to escape these endless comments about her weight. She is a normal 2 year old, very tall for her age and not overweight whatsoever. She is absolutely perfect.

MIL lives in our house with us, there is no escape. Even if I get a divorce she will be alone with them 50% of the time.

What the fuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Intrusivedilemma · 28/04/2021 18:46

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
DancesWithFelines · 28/04/2021 18:48

That is awful. Have you tried pulling them up on it?

Original poster
Intrusivedilemma · 28/04/2021 18:50

I have, every time. But I’m now at the point that it’s only so long until she understands what is being said and there is ALWAYS a next time. I’ve spoken to H about the cellulite comment and he said he will speak to her, but it now just doesn’t feel enough. Why would someone ever think it’s an ok thing to said to anyone, nevermind a two year old??!

OP posts:
PinkCookie11 · 28/04/2021 18:51

Oh ffs op that’s horrendous.

Did you speak to them about it?!

She lives with you, hats off to you, but not her baby not her business.
Tell her your not happy

Dunairbeanat · 28/04/2021 18:56

I totally agree with you op. These sort of comments should never be said to a child particularly a child as young as your little girl.
This happened to me from a very young age and, without wanting to upset you, started a lifelong battle with food.
If you love a child this is the last thing you should do.
The person I am now would tell them to f**k off but probably not the best idea. Sit them down and tell them it must not happen again. If it continues then all bets are off.
It seems to happen to girls far more often and your lovely daughter does not deserve this.

Silverfly · 28/04/2021 19:01

You've spoken to DH but does he realise how upset you are and how important this is to you? They need to stop making these comments!

StevieNix · 28/04/2021 19:07

You need to speak up for your daughter op!
Regardless of if she is 2 years old or 22 years old, 2 stone or 22 stone - this needs to be stopped NOW! Obviously as she is 2 they may be rationalising it as she doesn’t understand etc but it won’t be long before she does, and even ‘harmless’ comments about her body will shape how she views herself and others. I wonder if she was a boy would they make the same statements? Hmm

PurplePinkParade · 28/04/2021 19:13

I don't want to upset you OP but my personal experience with this was horrific. My mum made these sorts of comments about me from being tiny. One of my earliest memories is me being about four and her pulling at my tummy and calling me a porky pig. She used to make me run round the garden 10 times before I was allowed my dinner. My dad stood by and watched, occasionally said 'hey come on, that's not nice' but never took me out of that situation. I developed bulimia at age 11 and still battling it now at 25. If anything as the years went on and it continued, I gained weight and did then become fat, as I felt worthless and ate my feelings. Food became my only 'friend'.

Please, please stop them. They may think it's harmless but lots of small comments add up and it becomes abuse. They would never say this to an adult. Don't let your daughter grow up hating her body, she's perfect as she is.

Original poster
Intrusivedilemma · 28/04/2021 19:15

@Dunairbeanat I had exactly the same whilst growing up and still have loads of issues with my weight now. I’m really sensitive to DD having the same issues with food that I had (and sometimes still have!). As soon as she said it I scooped Dd up and said “don’t ever say that again.” She laughed like it was a joke and I said again “don’t say things like that to her”. It’s fucking horrific, I know it’s awful to say but it makes me want to pack her stuff and send her on her way. She is very critical about SiL’s weight and SiL has so many mental health issues now.

Dd was an awful eater up until maybe 5 months ago, now she’s eating me out of house and home (Grin) I couldn’t be happier because I no longer worry about her eating. Can’t understand why she thought it was ok to say, joke or not!

OP posts:
Original poster
Intrusivedilemma · 28/04/2021 19:17

@StevieNix definitely wouldn’t say it if she was a boy! She’s awful to SiL but treats H like a little Prince. Fucking infuriates me!

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 28/04/2021 19:24

I'd say "I think I'd be more mindful of what I said if I were you,MIl,remember I may be picking out a care home for you...."

DianeCherry · 28/04/2021 19:28

Christ what a horrible woman. I was brought up with this kind of treatment and have had weight / body image issues all of my life. It's child abuse. Tell her you'll report her

VimFuego101 · 28/04/2021 19:29

She sounds hideous. My mum was like this to us and my sister and I both suffer from weight issues now. Why does she live with you?

pointythings · 28/04/2021 19:30

Time to start going nuclear about this - it has to stop. Your MIL and your husband are setting your DD up for a lifetime of major eating disorders and they need to learn and acknowledge that.

notagainmummy · 28/04/2021 19:31

FFS. That's appalling. DS was like a little Buddha at 2 but is skinny now. Toddlers are often chubby things

EnglishRain · 28/04/2021 19:33

Can you get in the habit of pulling them up on it straight away? Then at least DD will also hear you doing that and see that it's not an OK comment to make. So inappropriate. I don't know what else to say OP Sad

Dery · 28/04/2021 19:54

“Time to start going nuclear about this - it has to stop. Your MIL and your husband are setting your DD up for a lifetime of major eating disorders and they need to learn and acknowledge that.”

This. It’s very hard to have to challenge your H and MIL but these comments are potentially lethal.

CombatBarbie · 28/04/2021 20:17

Toddlers are meant to be chubby, I miss blowing raspberries into my daughters thighs when they were younger!

And we wonder why we have a problem with body image 🙄

Kelly345 · 28/04/2021 20:37

Devils advocate. Is it possible that she may actually be carrying a little extra weight and you are just not able to see it yourself?

Clymene · 28/04/2021 20:41

No. Your daughter should not be living in an abusive environment like this. Leave him and tell him why. Tell him you will fight 50/50 custody and why.

He needs to understand his serious this is.

This is no better than your daughter living with a granny who smacks her.

Vallmo47 · 28/04/2021 20:45

Horrific OP, I am so sorry. Protect her from this madness as soon as you possibly can.

Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 28/04/2021 20:53

You have my sympathy, OP.
My mum made horrible comments about overweight people all the time growing up and 'fat people being a drain on the NHS'. I have dysmorphia and weight issues now.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 28/04/2021 21:41

FFS

This is outrageous really. You must be seething and understandably. I'm tempted to say LTB.

Leave the whole bastard lot of them.

RantyAnty · 29/04/2021 04:39

You really have to shut it down.

Does MIL have to live with you?

I'd tell her next time she says something nasty, you're moving her out under a bridge as that's where nasty trolls belong.

choli · 29/04/2021 04:47

@EKGEMS

I'd say "I think I'd be more mindful of what I said if I were you,MIl,remember I may be picking out a care home for you...."
Why would the OP be picking out a nursing home for her husband's mother? I'm sure her mother in law won't be giving her power of attorney. So it's just an arseholish attempt at a threat really, isn't it?
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