Page 2 | Comments about Dds weight.

Intrusivedilemma · 2021-04-28T16:11:15+00:00

I posted not too long ago about H saying DD doesn’t need anymore chocolate because she has chubby cheeks... I’ve just had a corker from my MIL. “I didn’t realise they get cellulite so young, you need to start using those legs *dd*” She is 2. 2 years old. I don’t even know what I’m asking. I’m so fucking upset. I really feel like I need to get a divorce to escape these endless comments about her weight. She is a normal 2 year old, very tall for her age and not overweight whatsoever. She is absolutely perfect. MIL lives in our house with us, there is no escape. Even if I get a divorce she will be alone with them 50% of the time. What the fuck.

Tossblanket · 29/04/2021 05:30

I'd be saying one more comment like that and you're out, gone.

Same to husband.

FindTheTruth · 29/04/2021 06:12

NHS say "Steady weight gain is one of the signs that your baby is healthy and feeding well"

Lessthanaballpark · 29/04/2021 06:18

Can you criticise her weight/looks every time you shut it down then ask her how she feels about that.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2021 06:20

Honestly. I’d make it very clear to her and your husband, one more comment and either she goes or you and your child go. And the same to him as he’s charred with the same brush.

LittleBookOfKalms · 29/04/2021 07:31

I agree with @Bluntness100

Comments like this will set your DD up for body image issues and EDs. There's not a man (or MIL) on earth worth that risk.

The cellulite comment in particular is just so wrong. Who the fuck even thinks about a toddler like that? It's not normal!

exLtEveDallas · 29/04/2021 07:36

Honestly, I’d just say “Fuck off” anytime she or DH says something. When they complain, say that you are just being as offensive as they are. It might bring things to a head

Original poster

Intrusivedilemma · 29/04/2021 11:21

MIL has to live with us as she can’t afford to live on her own. That’s a whole other story! Was meant to be short term but I’m now realising that this may not be the case.

She is very old fashioned so not sure I could tell her to fuck off 🤣 I wish I could! But I will keep being stern and am actually planning to sit down with H to discuss this being her last chance. Id rather she lived in a hostel than damage my child’s self image.

To the PP who said they were playing devils advocate and that maybe dd is carrying extra weight .. she is two years old. She has literally followed her percentile line since she was born so is perfectly healthy and very tall. She has a great diet but I do allow her to have treats
a few times a week because I don’t want her to think of any food as bad! But she has a ton of exercise and eats loads of vegetables and fruit.

OP posts:

pointythings · 29/04/2021 11:33

Unless your MIL is very elderly and frail, she should behave like a functioning adult and sort out her own life issues. That means working, cutting your cloth, being independent. Not living off your son and making nasty comments about a healthy toddler's size. Your husband is very much to blame here too, and he needs to step up right now.

Kelly345 · 29/04/2021 11:35

@Intrusivedilemma

MIL has to live with us as she can’t afford to live on her own. That’s a whole other story! Was meant to be short term but I’m now realising that this may not be the case.

She is very old fashioned so not sure I could tell her to fuck off 🤣 I wish I could! But I will keep being stern and am actually planning to sit down with H to discuss this being her last chance. Id rather she lived in a hostel than damage my child’s self image.

To the PP who said they were playing devils advocate and that maybe dd is carrying extra weight .. she is two years old. She has literally followed her percentile line since she was born so is perfectly healthy and very tall. She has a great diet but I do allow her to have treats
a few times a week because I don’t want her to think of any food as bad! But she has a ton of exercise and eats loads of vegetables and fruit.

My friend was exactly the same. Utterly convinced her DD was just perfectly proportioned for her height and age, but here's the thing. She wasn't. She was overweight and the only person who couldn't or wouldn't see it was her mother. The child is now notably overweight compared to her peers and mother is still convinced she is a normal weight for her age and height. She isn't. I'm just putting that out there because sometimes those closest just don't see it.

pointythings · 29/04/2021 11:44

kelly345 if OP's DD is tracking her percentile line for height and weight, she isn't going to be overweight, now is she?

singlemummanurse · 29/04/2021 12:02

Whether the ops dd is overweight is kinda a moot point though and not the issue. If the mil had genuine concerns about the 2yo's weight that still does not make her comment directed at a 2yo acceptable. If she has genuine concerns she needs to approach op when the child is not around and explain her concerns, not make derogatory comments about a young child's body when they are within earshot and starting to reach an age where they may internalise those comments which can be extremely damaging.

EKGEMS · 29/04/2021 12:13

@choli Yes l, you are right but equally assholeish to say such nasty things about her baby granddaughter. Most likely I'd be seriously reconsidering my relationship with people who are so cruel about an incident child

EKGEMS · 29/04/2021 12:15

Yes I agree you are right-sorry for that

Triffid1 · 29/04/2021 12:19

My DD IS overweight. I worry about it constantly. But, and here's the kicker, we have never ever said a word to her or about her in her hearing. Because she's 6. And we are her parents and we cannot risk messing with her body image and/or her relationship with food. So we think about what we give her and are actively encouraging her in doing more sporty activities, and trying to make sure she is out and about walking/running as much as possible but she is oblivious.

And your DD is only 2?!? It's outrageous.

Also, who cares if she's old fashioned. You don't have to accommodate her sensibilities as clearly she is NOT accommodating yours.

Benelovencd · 29/04/2021 12:49

Nip it in the bud. I have heard these "helpful" comments since I was your DD's age. Tall for my age and the right size but constant put downs for being "bigger" than the other kids. Put an end to it. It will only get worse. It didn't help and lead to eating disorders for me especially as I was accused of being too sensitive for objecting.

Benelovencd · 29/04/2021 12:59

@Kelly345

Let's say the OP's DD is overweight. What exactly do comments about being fat and cellulite do to help a two year old other than destroy her self confidence, and negatively impact her self image?

What exactly is the point of the comments?

Are they justified if she's overweight?

Is it okay to break down and emotionally abuse a child because they are overweight?

This is not a 30 year old woman who "needs a kick up the butt" (even then terrible way to go about it), it's a 2 year old girl being bullied in her own home.where she is supposed to be safe?

If the OP's DD is overweight surely these comments do more to hurt and hinder any progress than actually help. Because you are saying well if her DD is overweight then she needs to hear that. That's not okay

LoudNowSing · 29/04/2021 20:11

[quote Benelovencd]@Kelly345

Let's say the OP's DD is overweight. What exactly do comments about being fat and cellulite do to help a two year old other than destroy her self confidence, and negatively impact her self image?

What exactly is the point of the comments?

Are they justified if she's overweight?

Is it okay to break down and emotionally abuse a child because they are overweight?

This is not a 30 year old woman who "needs a kick up the butt" (even then terrible way to go about it), it's a 2 year old girl being bullied in her own home.where she is supposed to be safe?

If the OP's DD is overweight surely these comments do more to hurt and hinder any progress than actually help. Because you are saying well if her DD is overweight then she needs to hear that. That's not okay[/quote]
What she said. Also, cellulite on a two-year-old? FFS!

me4real · 29/04/2021 22:14

babies/2 year olds often have that chubby cheeked dimpley look, that's normal for that age.

This is awful OP

Opaljewel · 29/04/2021 22:47

I've had these helpful comments from my dad since very small. I now have binge eating disorder which I'm waiting for treatment for as I'm also overweight and it sabotages my dieting. I've suffered poor self esteem all my life and always wondered if I'm good enough and also have anxiety. There are right ways to go about it. Protect your daughter op.

EasterEggBelly · 29/04/2021 22:58

Another one here with a fucked up relationship with food thanks to my parents.

Protect your child OP. This is abuse.

I’d be doing whatever it took to get those people away from my child.

billy1966 · 29/04/2021 23:11

@Dunairbeanat

I totally agree with you op. These sort of comments should never be said to a child particularly a child as young as your little girl. This happened to me from a very young age and, without wanting to upset you, started a lifelong battle with food. If you love a child this is the last thing you should do. The person I am now would tell them to f**k off but probably not the best idea. Sit them down and tell them it must not happen again. If it continues then all bets are off. It seems to happen to girls far more often and your lovely daughter does not deserve this.

Absolutely shocking and just so dangerous OP. This will destroy your daughter.

I actually think you cannot go over the top enough with your MIL.

Are you living in her home?

Talk to your GP.
Because what your MIL and your husband are doing emotionally abusive and talkingbto your GP will create a paper trail that you may need.

If they both don't STFU you will need to reflect on what your future holds.

Mammyloveswine · 29/04/2021 23:19

Omg my youngest is 3 years 3 months and still
Has proper squishy toddler legs! I LOVE them!!!

He has chubby cheeks and a total baby face still and is just delicious!!

Happymum12345 · 29/04/2021 23:25

Are they being serious? It sounds like they are completely mad.

Pinchoftums · 29/04/2021 23:32

My very fat 2 year old is a very skinny 14 year old. As long as the treats are little (as in not a whole chocolate bar but a couple of pieces or a few crisps and not a bag) then ignore!

StayingHere · 29/04/2021 23:42

Cellulite?! Fucking hell who even thinks it about a toddler.
2 year olds are rarely fat in any other way than normal chub. Both mine were chubby cheeked and a bit rolly at that age and were very slim by 5. You need to call them out asap so no body imagines occur for your lovely DD.