My son is 16 and he’s had a girlfriend (16) for the past 9 months. During lockdown he obviously couldn’t see her, but now he’s trying to make up for lost time.
Meet up 1 arrangements - she cancelled because she didn’t feel well.
Meet up 2 - she cancelled because “her parents were being mean”.
Meet up 3 - she ghosted DS when making plans and said she fell asleep
Meet 4 - she agreed to meet, confirmed the morning of and then ghosted DS
Throughout the Easter holiday she didn’t see him once, but was out a lot with friends.
Meet 5 - DS turns up at her house (invited) and she cried (wouldn’t say why), hugged him and fell asleep, but he was thrilled to see her regardless
Meet 6 - Arranged but she ghosted him and didn’t answer her texts the day of.
DS was upset so explained to her that - at her request he was going to forgo his family holiday (long holiday long haul) this year so she wouldn’t miss him and so they could meet up, but if this was how it was going to be, then he’d have to rethink. She promised the earth, “no don’t go on your holiday, my parents are looking forward to taking us on day trips”. So my son said, if you can’t make a meet, then that’s no problem, just say that...but the ghosting has to stop. She agreed.
Meet 7 - arranged and day of she ghosted him and said she fell asleep again
Meet 8 - Parents were mean abs so she went to sleep hence the ghosting.
Meet 9 - arranged in advance and this time I was due to pick her up and bring her to ours. The day of, she ghosted DS and I wasn’t sure what was happening. Finally she messaged ‘I can still come over, but the traffic is bad and I’m going to be home really late from school’.
I said ‘DS, sounds like she wants you to cancel’...he says ‘no no, can we pick her up but later?’ I say ok, so he texts back that we’ll pick her up whatever time she likes. No reply. Nothing. An hour passes and I say, look, she’s not coming. I have to go out.
DS is upset, but resigns himself. We go out. He sends her a message saying ‘forget it then’. He gets an IMMEDIATE response “I was just about to text you that I can still come and I’m ready”. DS says ‘that’s great! I’ll call my mum!”.
He phones me and although DH and I have just got to where we were going, we leave and come straight back to get him. DS has hopped in the shower and is getting ready. Girlfriend texts and says ‘I’ve had a shit day at school and now this. All my parents wanted to do was spend some time with me. I’m so pissed off. I’m not coming over’.
DS is devastated. He breaks down and is inconsolable. It’s disappointment after disappointment. She told him not to text back, so he hasn’t. He did however blame me saying ‘if only you’d waited...’.
I was furious after being dragged home to pick her up. I personally think she’s wasting his time and his studies and MH are suffering. She’s young and immature and clearly isn’t ready for all this. Not her fault, but I want him to move on and focus on other things.
I’ve told him that this isn’t how it’s meant to be. That it’s meant to be fun and lighthearted at his age...but he just gets upset with me.
He hasn’t got out of bed all weekend now and is utterly depressed. She was also be meant to be coming over tomorrow, but I suspect she won’t be.
How can I make him see that he’s wasting his time and affecting his school and other social life?