Is this a red flag?

[Ariannah]

At an ice cream shop with a new date, we got cornets to take away and go for a walk in the park. I ordered strawberry. He said “Are you sure you want that? They have loads of flavours? I said yep, I like strawberry. He said “but they’ve got literally dozens of flavours?” I said yep but I want strawberry. He said “just this shop has more flavours of ice cream than anywhere else, there’s loads of choice”. I said yep but I’ve picked strawberry. He said “Ok then...” and rolled his eyes and paid for it. Now I keep thinking about it and it niggles me because I feel like maybe I’m too vanilla (or strawberry!) or maybe he’s just controlling?

More annoying as fuck than a red flag.

I would not be having any more dates with this man. Undermining your own choice like he did here is unacceptable behaviour. You are an adult with agency.

Just odd. Definitely a red flag that he is irritating, not sure about anything else.

Besides, strawberry is the best flavour.

Annoying. You pick and have what flavour you like. You were hardly forcing him to have strawberry. It would make me wary, he appears to have too much to say for himself

Yes tbh I think it is a bit of a red flag. It seems like a small thing, but all the small things add up and it can spill over into the big things. Maybe if he had said it once, it would have been mildly irritating. But the fact that you stood your ground and he kept pushing, that would bother me. I probably wouldn't dump him immediately.... But I'd just keep an eye out to see if it happens again.

I think it's partly incompatibility. He obviously sees you as unadventurous. He wants someone who looks for new experiences I imagine. But rolling eyes is a sign of contempt and you don't want to be seeing that on a first date!

Really annoying
Say thank you, next

FUCK. THAT. GUY.

Honestly, that he would question (criticise) you like that is simply unbelievable. Who in the fuck does he think he is, and this is how he behaves on a first date, never mind behaving this way ever? Unreal. So yes, massive red flag.

I wouldn't even bother speaking to him again. Block and move on.

What flavour did he have?

To be honest, I’d have changed my mind to vanilla just to spite him.

@ThorosBeta

To be honest, I’d have changed my mind to vanilla just to spite him.

😂

Sounds like he was trying to impress you and was annoyed that you weren’t bowled over by his choice of ice cream shop!!

TBH I find it weird when DP orders vanilla ice cream - it seems such a...I dunno....wasted opportunity maybe?! But then I’ll order something with caramel and nuts and sauce and then be yearning for a bit of vanilla to balance it out!

It may well be a metaphor for our relationship

In this situation I’d definitely be on the lookout for other examples of him undermining my choices in case this is a pattern not confined to ice cream.

@ThorosBeta

To be honest, I’d have changed my mind to vanilla just to spite him.

Hindsight is wonderful

I wouldn't say red flag but It's odd he was kept asking, like... let it go man...you wanted strawberry the end

Not a flag by itself, only if it were in tandem with other similar events.

Well it's not the way a man behaves if he's super keen on a woman and thinks he's punching above his weight, now is it.

If Taylor Swift had chosen strawberry d'ya think he would have gone on about it?

Not so much red as strawberry coloured

Not a flag at all. It's a fecking ice cream. Having said that maybe's there's a bloke's forum somewhere talking about the red flag of an unadventurous ice cream choice and what does it all mean???? muses

Probably fuck all and at least he paid.

Sounds like he was trying to impress you and was annoyed that you weren’t bowled over by his choice of ice cream shop!!
Maybe. He took me somewhere with loads of options and seemed really miffed that I picked strawberry. Of course he didn’t ask WHY I picked strawberry. Because I have some mild food allergies and I didn’t want to look picky by asking for the allergen menu. I thought strawberry looked safe because it had no nuts or other bits in it. He picked a rocky road pie which had marshmallows and biscuit crumbs and sauce.

Yep, it's absolutely a red flag. He questions your decision, tries to get you to change your mind, and then eye-rolls when you stick to your guns. So already, he's telling you he has no repsect for what you want/decide. If he's this determined to not allow you a choice over ice cream, what's he going to be like over important stuff?

Theye-rolling would kill it for me.

Is he going to be like this with every ‘wrong’ choice you make ?

Oh my goodness, I have a gorgeous lovely friend that does this.....and....it....drives.....me....insane! I sometimes jokingly shout at her to say " I want white wine...not a G and T, not a Vodka and Tonic, not a pornstar martini as you have suggested....I WANT A WHITE WINE!". I will take a guess that if you go out to dinner with said date you will get the same thing...."are you sure you want Scampi and chips? How about the sirloin steak? Theres a lovely prawn salad on the menu...what about that? Oh, look they have gammon steak with a fried egg...why dont you have that? Good luck OP...I wont mention what he will say if the date gets intimate between the sheets and he chats to you about positions!

It doesn't sound anything on its own. But on my first time going out with new man I had taken bottle of Cava to old friend's birthday. We'd been through 3 year degree and lived together post grad for a year so knew each other really well. She said something like "thanks so much" and I said "it was only cheap" . We had a very jokey, flippant relationship. He said to me later, you shouldn't have said that about the Cava. And I thought, wind your neck in , nothing to do with you. I said nothing and brushed it off. It was nothing but spoke volumes about him. Wish I had walked away then and saved myself a world of pain.

I agree it sounds like he's "testing boundaries" a bit.

When I've been in controlling relationships it's always started with "little silly things" so you feel silly and petulant about complaining?

"You don't need your jacket leave it at home",

"We'll meet on Tuesday not Wednesday even though I'm free both nights if you've said Wednesday suits you more."

Escalates to:

"Why are you wearing that I don't want you to?"

"I'm angry because you've gone out to do something nice that is "just for you""

Normally first dates should be very "NO I'LL GO WITH WHAT YOU'RE HAVING OH NO I INSIST I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE."

I often have dates who just order exactly what I'm ordering so the date paces itself a bit better and we're not worrying about food and drink

(and I do the same - say the other person really wants alcohol I'll drink with them, etc? Or if someone wants a pudding make sure that they have it and split or have a coffee)

Or maybe that's quite a silly British thing to do, and someone is more assertive about what THEY want to order.

But having a strong reaction to what you're ordering is creepy and a red flag.