Is this a red flag?

[Ariannah]

At an ice cream shop with a new date, we got cornets to take away and go for a walk in the park. I ordered strawberry. He said “Are you sure you want that? They have loads of flavours? I said yep, I like strawberry. He said “but they’ve got literally dozens of flavours?” I said yep but I want strawberry. He said “just this shop has more flavours of ice cream than anywhere else, there’s loads of choice”. I said yep but I’ve picked strawberry. He said “Ok then...” and rolled his eyes and paid for it. Now I keep thinking about it and it niggles me because I feel like maybe I’m too vanilla (or strawberry!) or maybe he’s just controlling?

It would be in my books, yes

Definitely wouldn't be seeing him again. I'm mean if you'd refused a flake or chocolate sauce I can understand some questioning but otherwise he should just get what you ask for.

The mood I'm in currently I would have asked what flavour did he want me to have!

If it was a playful one off suggestion and that's one thing, but 3 times and an eye roll, not great! Maybe depends on tone - friends and I might mess around like this but that's after years of knowing each other where teasing is expected, not a new date scenario. But why didn't you mention about your food allergies? Not that you have to of course, but it gives more context for choices. And expecting him to ask why you didn't want anything else - well that would have been really impolite and confrontational of him to do that I guess (but probably not as much as the eye roll!)

I wouldn’t say red flag as such but yes annoying.

I would tell him that it’s annoying!

It seems off, I wouldn't appreciate the eye roll either! I imagine if you had given in it would be the start of him questioning choices you make, sod that!

Or if he’s just a new date decide if you really want to see him again.

Tbf I got my kids an Ice cream from the ice cream van the other day and my daughter picked strawberry and I remember saying to the other children why would she pick that, it’s the worst flavour 😂 the ice cream van sells all sorts of flavours you can’t just get anywhere unlike strawberry that you can pick up in Tesco’s. Maybe I’m a red flag 🤣 so I can see his point!

He’s not autistic, is he, or with some other neurodivergent trait?

He's a bit pathetic. You're an adult, you like strawberry ice cream. You order it, not some combo of sauce and sprinkles and whatever the fuck else. An ice cream parlour was a nice idea for a walking date but not everyone has a sweet tooth and particularly wants to try different sugary combinations. I don't. Eye rolling is rude and contemptuous. You absolutely did not have to explain your allergies or justify your choice. Get an ice cream, leave, that's it. What's his beef. I probably wouldn't bother with this one again. If he thought an ice cream parlour was really going to impress me with their flavours. He should get out more.

@Happycat1212

Tbf I got my kids an Ice cream from the ice cream van the other day and my daughter picked strawberry and I remember saying to the other children why would she pick that, it’s the worst flavour 😂 the ice cream van sells all sorts of flavours you can’t just get anywhere unlike strawberry that you can pick up in Tesco’s. Maybe I’m a red flag 🤣 so I can see his point!

I agree with this. If I go to an ice cream shop, I usually try to pick a flavour that I can't get at the local supermarket. I went to one last year and they did carrot cake flavour which was to die for...

Anyway, was he paying? Maybe he thought you were keeping it basic to keep cost down and he wanted to reassure you it was okay to splurge? I don't think questioning you numerous times is necessary though. I probably would have checked with you once and then accepted it.

Reminds me of the time a waitress kept asking me if I wanted wine. She had absolutely zero idea that someone might actually have different preferences to herself. I could have been a recovering alcoholic for all she knew. I found her behaviour annoying and I think you may come to find his behaviour annoying too, if he's always going to be like this. Yes, it would be a red flag for me.

Obv you are a strong and definite woman, I thought I was when first dating Dp and not putting up with his nonsense about how I made him a cuppa. But eventually you can get worn down.

It does seem a bit of a wasted opportunity to go into an ice cream shop with more flavours and pick a 'boring' one.

Libelula21
He’s not autistic, is he, or with some other neurodivergent trait?
do we need this every time a man is a twat?
it’s hugely insulting to people who genuinely are ND 🤬

The eye rolling would be a red flag to me. I mean it basically implies he thinks you are being shit for wanting something different to what he wants you to want.

Or he wants you to think he thinks you are being shit and see if you therefore change your choices for him. As pp said, testing your boundaries.

I'd be on my guard and watching this one.

At first, I thought not a red flag. But it absolutely is! How bloody strange! To keep asking as well?! That behaviour would only get worse wouldn't it?
I'd have snapped at him and said, "what have you got against strawberry FFS?". Just plain strange.

Unless there are other signs of controlling behaviour, I would find it annoying rather than a red flag. If it had been said in a jokey way I think it would probably be ok too.
Someone I was dating told me I peeled a banana the wrong way (from the stalk) and while there weren’t any red flags with him, the comment was the final nail in the coffin for me as he was pissing me off too much with know-it-all comments.

And reminds me of the time, I was coerced into choosing something different off a menu. Bearing in mind, I like and try all sorts of different food anyway! So, I got my goat curry (as they were so insistent and I didn't want to look a bit) even though I said I wouldn't like it. It was fucking grim... Jesus. And I was annoyed at the person I was with, but mainly with myself tbh. Stick to your guns. Sounds a bit controlling to me.

It doesn't sound like much but it would have annoyed me. I like what I like and should be able to have that, regardless of the other options!

I wouldn't write him off, but I would keep my eye out for me of this kind of thing.

I think he was party annoyed you picked strawberry because he was hoping you'd pick something else so he could try yours too 😜

Could be a red flag. Or it maybe he felt embarrassed for picking a more "childish" option (not that I wouldn't). I remember a tortured convo with a bf over going to MacDs as in ' are you too cool to eat there and am I embarrassing myself by suggesting it' kind of way.

And another BF thought eating steak was the most amazing treat and kept trying to insist I had one. He thought it was due to the expense, but no, I just didn't want it.

@Libelula21

He’s not autistic, is he, or with some other neurodivergent trait?

Oh for Christ's sake.

Displaying arsehole behaviour doesn't = autism.