Feeling awkward around boyfriend

[Alex908]

Has anyone ever felt like this or am I being needy, I see him for one day and one night a week, been together a year a half. He is not chatty in between these times at all doesn’t ask how I am or anything. It was always a bit patchy but now seems to be worse. The problem is I now feel awkward when I see him again and he I saying I’m not affectionate and causing the ‘problem’. I’ve tried initiating more contact in between seeing each other but that doesn’t seem to work.

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Does he mean you aren't up for sex enough or quick enough after a week of no contact? You are allowed to feel how you actually do feel. If he can't accept that it's time to end it, not learn how to change to accommodate him.

No just not smiley and cuddly he says but I find it more and more awkward

Do you have sex?

I’m inclined to think he doesn’t really care about you but he likes a shag, so if he keeps you hanging on a string he gets that. He may even have another gf he sees the other nights. Hence he can’t really contact you or she’d start asking questions.

I’d dump and move on. You hardly see each other, it’s awkward when you do. What’s the point in pursuing this. It’s dead in the water. Him blaming you is just him being an arse.

You’ll find someone better.

If he cannot be bothered to even message an affectionate how are you between seeing you he doesn't care and is likely to be using you as a FB.

It does like he is using you for sex.

He should want to see you more than 1x a week, talk to you during the week, go on holidays together, make plans together.

What did he do for your birthday, valentine's day, and christmas?

If you find it awkward he probably isn't the one for you.

Last minute stuff for those events :(

I just mean awkward as in it’s as if every time I see him I have to rebuild a baseline connection again

I honestly don't see why you would be 'smiley and cuddly' with someone who apparently wants you to be taken out of your box, all ready to be played with, once a week, and then put back and not to bother him for another week.

What on earth is in this for you, and why don't your feelings matter to you more than his? It's awkward, you're not enjoying it, so end things.

That’s exactly how I feel a doll in a box. I don’t know, I do enjoy his company when we are around each other and he seems so caring but then it’s as if a switch goes off and I don’t exist out of that bubble.

I think you deserve better. There will me someone out there who it will feel so easy with and will want to be with you.

He does text me a little bit but it’s nothing that a boyfriend would send it’s just stuff about him and stuff he likes. It’s getting tedious and I’m in tears today.

OP I learned the hard way that communication is massively important. I thought ex was just very 'blokey' (stereotype I know) and that he just wasn't good at expressing his feelings but in the end it was a massive factor in us divorcing.

I would talk to him about how you are feeling (those feelings are valid!). If nothing changes though and if I were you I'd move on.

what would you tell someone else to do if they were in your position? I would personally tell them to leave and move on. When you find someone who treats you properly you won't miss this guy.

That’s the thing I’ve told him so many times I can’t keep a connection like this. He assumes I mean I want marriage and living together now and gets arsey - I don’t I just want a loving connection. I know I need to let go. When I’m with him he is so caring but this box feeling is making me feel so dreadful.

I wouldn’t even call this person a boyfriend. He’s just someone who meets you once a week for sex presumably. I would finish it and find someone who wants to be with you and enjoys your company every day. Sorry

I suppose so. We do do stuff together and not all about sex on those days but I suppose it’s still not right to feel like I am bothering my own ‘boyfriend’

Some people can just switch on the charm when they want to to string you along. Don't settle for that.

He's using you as a spunk sock. You can do better. Do better.

Yes I know :( not easy to face when you have projected something more loving into it all

He sounds like one of those people who can compartmentalise their lives, and you are in one of those compartments that he visits only when he feels like it.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I know and I find that extremely worrying as I know what that can lead to.

The thing is when I see him in person again after these worries I feel stupid and everything seems loving and easy but when I’m apart from him I know it’s not right and I am sure he has a few people on the back burner. Why I am doing this. It’s not as if I even need a relationship or anything, I was single for years before this and I love my own company. I don’t know why Ian putting myself through this when I know he will drop me as soon as someone else comes along or one of the back burners looks more appealing.

• I am

Also I hate this guilty feeling I have, so I’m supposed to be seeing him tomorrow but I’m dreading it as I have nothing to say to him! And it’s not because I haven’t done anything it’s just because I feel so bored by it all. It’s as if I suddenly have to switch on and switch off if anyone gets that? But I feel guilty?