Feeling awkward around boyfriend

[Alex908]

Has anyone ever felt like this or am I being needy, I see him for one day and one night a week, been together a year a half. He is not chatty in between these times at all doesn’t ask how I am or anything. It was always a bit patchy but now seems to be worse. The problem is I now feel awkward when I see him again and he I saying I’m not affectionate and causing the ‘problem’. I’ve tried initiating more contact in between seeing each other but that doesn’t seem to work.

[quote Alex908]@EscapeDragon I have tried a few times very calmly and he was so upset that I felt really confused and thought I am in the wrong here[/quote]
But he doesn't care that you get upset. He doesn't try and explore the reasons you've repeatedly tried to break things off. He just wants you to do as you're told to fit his life.

Tell him over the phone that you don't want to be in a relationship anymore and wish him well. Him being upset is his own issue. Don't stay with someone because they guilt you into it.

@Alex908 - no-one’s in the wrong. You’re allowed to want different things from a relationship.

What he’s offering is not enough for you. It wouldn’t be enough for me either. His rigid insistence on once a week hook-ups has consequences. The consequence is that you feel like you have to start afresh each time you see him, you don’t like that feeling and, after 18 mths of this, you’re reaching the conclusion that this isn’t for you.

He wants it all his own way and he wants you to be happy with that but you’re not and you’re allowed not to be. Since he refuses to meet you halfway, it looks like the relationship is over. It’s irrelevant that it upsets him. It apparently doesn’t upset him enough for him to change the arrangement. If he cared enough about you, he would look for a compromise but he doesn’t. Don’t waste time with a guy who doesn’t care enough to want to see you more than once a week and don’t fall for his promises of greater commitment in the future. Your heart’s no longer in it. Best to end it sooner rather than later.

If a relatively short relationship like this is causing you so much confusion, doubt and tears then it has run its course and he isn’t the one for you. He’s not going to adjust his character and it doesn’t sound like intends to do any giving. Move on or still be pondering this next year (and for as long as you hang about waiting for him to be what he has no intention of being).

He may well get upset but it doesn’t sound like that’s going to be for the reasons you’d like it to be and so I think you should tolerate his upset and call it off, not in a “nice” way but in a factual, direct way that isn’t apologetic, isn’t “it’s not you, it’s me” and presents a fait accompli, “I’ve decided to call time on this relationship because we don’t want the same things”. Then he’ll know you don’t want to marry him for sure (as that seems to be such a worry for him), and you can get on with your life and, who knows, meet someone who wants a proper well rounded relationship that doesn’t need the tears and the second guessing.

Yeah, it’s crap. He’s not a boyfriend. He’s a fuck buddy. Please get rid.

The reason you feel so shit is because of how terrible this relationship is - and it has had a hugely negative impact on your self-worth.

Rip off the plaster (him) and you will start to feel better almost instantly.

Why are you only allowing yourself a half life?

Don’t beat yourself up OP, for fell for a guy you felt you had a real connection with it over time he has shown that he is not willing to give you what you want from a relationship. You’ve tried really hard with him, he knows how you feel and yet chooses to ignore it. So he is never going to change. I agree with PPs that there is probably someone else in his life, which is why he doesn’t feel he has to make much effort with you. Move on and enjoy being solo again; someone else will come along that is willing to make the effort to be with you. 💐

*you fell for a guy.

Autocorrect! 🙄

This is doing nothing for you and after alll this time it won't improve. You see how he is. Either accept a half life/love, or end it.

[quote Alex908]@EscapeDragon I have tried a few times very calmly and he was so upset that I felt really confused and thought I am in the wrong here[/quote]
And what does he actually do to change his behaviour?

Nothing. Because he wants you to change your behaviour and accept him for who he is.

Do you really want to stay in the relationship to make him happy, and make yourself miserable?

You have a choice in the matter.

You can't see the wood for the trees. We can.

I know. Thanks everyone

Aw that's shit. My ex was like this and I did end up getting pregnant to him and he is equally shit with our kids. It's actually ok to have the feelings you do and also - shock- it's ok to be want to working towards marriage and kids. It's odd of him to be wheeling this out to shut you up. I wish I'd told my ex to get to fuck before I got pregnant then I wouldn't have to watch his lack of interest in our kids. The short term pain would have been worth it but I've always been scared of conflict and put others wants before my needs and seen my feelings as too much and invalid. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! Although I'd love to go back and slap my younger self. Hope you are ok. I hate facing up to this kind of stuff. Maybe he's just not capable of giving what you want and that's ok but your feelings are valid. I get totally what you say about having to reconnect.

Do either of you have kids? Do you live far apart? If not, I dont really understand why only seeing each other once a week.

I would discuss it with him, but if this is the most he will offer then I dont think he's a good match, I can't see him changing.

There's literally nothing to work with here. I'm sorry OP.
I have more affectionate, fun communication with my very casual FBs than you do with your boyfriend of a year!
You deserve better.

Life's too short. Dump him and be happy. You will meet someone better suited once he is out the picture.