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Original poster

Feeling awkward around boyfriend

65 replies

Alex908 · 22/04/2021 16:04

Has anyone ever felt like this or am I being needy, I see him for one day and one night a week, been together a year a half. He is not chatty in between these times at all doesn’t ask how I am or anything. It was always a bit patchy but now seems to be worse. The problem is I now feel awkward when I see him again and he I saying I’m not affectionate and causing the ‘problem’. I’ve tried initiating more contact in between seeing each other but that doesn’t seem to work.

OP posts:
FizzyApricot · 22/04/2021 17:21

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are allowed to not work out. It's meant to be a positive thing and it doesn't sound like it is for you. You don't have to meet him tomorrow or ever if you don't want to.

Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:23

But when I have tried to end it in a nice way he gets so upset and I think I have it all wrong? :(

OP posts:
EscapeDragon · 22/04/2021 17:25

Is there are reason why you see each other so infrequently?

A year and a half into a relationship, most people would be seeing a lot more of one another unless they lived a very long way apart.

What does he do on all the days when he's not with you - has he said?

FizzyApricot · 22/04/2021 17:26

Him being upset doesn't mean you have to stay with him. It is about what you want not him. Being broken up with can hurt but he will get over it. This is your life and only you can look out for yourself.

KarensChoppyBob · 22/04/2021 17:27

EscapeDragon, I'm guessing the lockdowns have been a factor ??

blacksax · 22/04/2021 17:28

He doesn't get to decide whether you are together or not. You can make that decision, and if you feel that the relationship isn't going anywhere, then you have every right to end it whenever you want. He does not get a say in that.

End it in a slightly less nice way next time.

Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:28

Also he will tell me his future plans, holidays, where he’s moving hopefully, and he will never mention us or me, there is no future to this is there?

OP posts:
EscapeDragon · 22/04/2021 17:29

@KarensChoppyBob

EscapeDragon, I'm guessing the lockdowns have been a factor ??
Doesn't seem to stop most people.
Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:29

@EscapeDragon he likes his own space apart from me. I’m scared to push it as he always starts on that I mean I want to marry or live with him.

OP posts:
something2say · 22/04/2021 17:31

It sounds like the quality of relationship he can provide and indeed that he wants and is happy with doesn't match yours.

The shoes you've picked are rubbing.

Sad as it is, it seems you can find a better fit elsewhere.

And remember, just because he doesn't agree and would keep things the same doesn't mean it's right for you. You deserve simple uncomplicated ongoing happiness xxx and if you take a chance, you might find it xxx

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2021 17:32

Don't see him again, break up with him by text if you want, and then block him.

He is using you and you're allowing it. Stop this nonsense right now and move on with your life.

KarensChoppyBob · 22/04/2021 17:33

T*he shoes you've picked are rubbing
*
I love that analogy.

Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:33

Truth hurts

OP posts:
KarensChoppyBob · 22/04/2021 17:33

(Bold fail obvs)

Quincie · 22/04/2021 17:36

Do you have any clue what his parents retationship was like?
A bit cold and dificult?
And how were your parents - did you have a loving, caring long term relationship as an example?

Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:37

@something2say I do feel a bit led on though. He said he wanted a long term relationship and to eventually see each other me. Balls that I went off words instead of actions like a mug.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:37

*more not me

OP posts:
EscapeDragon · 22/04/2021 17:41

He appears to be happy with the relationship as it is now. You aren't and when you have tried to discuss things with him he shuts you down.

I'm really sorry you are in this situation, but it doesn't look like things are going to change for the better does it? As the saying goes - it's not you, it's him.

You're unhappy as things are, and that's it really. Your feelings are important. Just tell him that you have decided that the relationship isn't working out, so you have decided to call it a day.

Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:46

@EscapeDragon I have tried a few times very calmly and he was so upset that I felt really confused and thought I am in the wrong here

OP posts:
something2say · 22/04/2021 17:47

This could be his favourite sort of long term relationship though. This suits him. The fact that it doesn't suit you is what's just as important. I'm sorry xx however summer is here and that's a fantastic time to be single x

RachelRavenR0th · 22/04/2021 17:50

It’s tedious. Dont settle for tedious. He isnt the one for you.

FizzyApricot · 22/04/2021 17:52

In the long term though if you aren't happy then there isn't any point staying with him. And he might be sad initially but that's ok and he will be OK. If you aren't happy it's better not to make it last longer than it needs to.

FizzyApricot · 22/04/2021 17:54

Look at it as doing him and you a favour by allowing you to be with someone who makes you happy and he can be with someone who is happy to be treated like a doll in a box.

Original poster
Alex908 · 22/04/2021 17:54

I know, I suppose all my doubts fade when I’m in person with him and I feel awful for thinking like this but I need more than to be an afterthought (or what feels like one)

OP posts:
Palavah · 22/04/2021 17:56

@Alex908

But when I have tried to end it in a nice way he gets so upset and I think I have it all wrong? :(
So? Has he changed his behaviour at all?

Don't you deserve better than these crumbs? A healthy loving relationship shouldn't leave you in tears.