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Original poster

"When I'm in a relationship, I wouldn't go out without my partner, it's not fair on them".

95 replies

MarshmallowAra · 22/04/2021 12:54

"When I'm in a relationship, I wouldn't go out without my partner, it's not fair on them".

What would you think.of a man who made that statement?

OP posts:
CattingTime · 22/04/2021 14:39

@EscapeDragon

Agree with others. Basically it means: "You're not going anywhere unchaperoned."

Exactly.

Bananalanacake · 22/04/2021 16:09

It's clingy, pathetic, unhealthy and controlling.

MrsPsmalls · 22/04/2021 16:14

I would think he doesn't want to do the outing that is being proposed and is using partner as an excuse. Just like people say they have to be home by 10 as the sitter has to leave and they are using the children as an excuse!

Original poster
MarshmallowAra · 22/04/2021 18:26

@Wanderlusto

That kiss on the lips goodbye you mentioned- I dont think the fact that you have partner is what specifically potentially makes that inappropriate.

I mean, it wouldnt bother me if a girl gave my bf a cheeky kiss goodbye on the lips after a few drinks at a party. As long as i could see the intention wasn't to initiate anything but just to show affection. But it might bother HIM if he barely knows her or isn't much one for displays of affection like that.

But it's not like its cheating. It's just some other person acting a little inappropriately. And I'd trust my partner to the extent that it wouldnt bother me.
Nor would I blame him for it.

But the implications of the man in your scenario is that he would think it was somehow your fault for even being there, should someone act inappropriately towards you. Basically that he is saying you would be to blame for any unwanted attention. And that really isnt on.

That's all very true. And yeah I can imagine what his reaction would have been if something like that had happened while with him and I'd told him about it.
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 22/04/2021 19:44

It actually sounds like my ex he always promised me he would shoot the man i cheated on him with but just kneecap me so I learned my lesson (he said this after we got married if he had vocalised it before I would have run obviously) I pointed out I never cheated but it was pointless

MsMeNz · 22/04/2021 22:18

Yikes. That is a big red flag......🏃🏃🏃🏃

OldWomanSaysThis · 22/04/2021 22:30

He knows he would be tempted himself so he assumes you would be too if out alone.

Strawbfields · 22/04/2021 22:33

This is controlling. This man is trying to manipulate you into sharing these bizarre values. He sounds like a weirdo.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/04/2021 22:38

@OldWomanSaysThis

He knows he would be tempted himself so he assumes you would be too if out alone.
This. So much this.

Run for the hills!

OutComeTheWolves · 22/04/2021 23:03

One of my greatest pleasures in life is an evening when the kids are in bed and dh is out with his mates. I love sitting in an empty living room, enjoying the peace and watching whatever I want on tv.

Sunflower1970 · 22/04/2021 23:24

Avoid avoid avoid

Natsel84 · 22/04/2021 23:28

I would think what a fucking knob ...the end

GentlemanJay · 22/04/2021 23:44

Run!

Dontletitbeyou · 23/04/2021 05:45

OldWomanSaysThis

He knows he would be tempted himself so he assumes you would be too if out alone.

Absolutely agree with this . People who don’t trust their SO , usually don’t trust themselves, or are actively cheating themselves , hence the expectation that everyone else would act the same way .

If you get the chance to get back with him , please don’t , you’ll not be doing yourself any favours at all , unless you like the idea of someone watching over you and trying to control your life .

harknesswitch · 23/04/2021 08:08

It's either controlling behaviour or shows a complete lack of trust in that person.

If it was my partner that said, and tried to enforce that, they wouldn't be a partner for much longer

Thatsnotmyfacemynoseistoobig · 23/04/2021 08:11

Weird

MagpieSong · 23/04/2021 08:23

Deeply concerning and suggestive of an immature, underdeveloped personality.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 23/04/2021 08:24

Ha ha what he means is when I'm in a relationship I expect my partner to not go out without .me. god I bet being in a relationship with him is a bundle of fun.
On another note, I work in a huge company, so many affairs have started there, also I know of people who have met people doing something as mundane as Tescos or going to the gym, does he let his partner go to work, shop and workout alone, or do they have to a company each other at those times too.

scoobydoo1971 · 23/04/2021 08:26

Even if this wasn't controlling and needy, that level of co-dependency would have me running for the hills. I could not imagine having to organise my life comings and goings around my OH. People are much more attractive when they have friendships, hobbies and interests that are not all centred upon you.

MagpieSong · 23/04/2021 08:37

@scoobydoo1971

Even if this wasn't controlling and needy, that level of co-dependency would have me running for the hills. I could not imagine having to organise my life comings and goings around my OH. People are much more attractive when they have friendships, hobbies and interests that are not all centred upon you.
Perfectly put.
Original poster
MarshmallowAra · 23/04/2021 08:57

@OutComeTheWolves

One of my greatest pleasures in life is an evening when the kids are in bed and dh is out with his mates. I love sitting in an empty living room, enjoying the peace and watching whatever I want on tv.
Confused

Well if I'd done that, he would have been perfectly happy. It was the going out separately that was his issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarshmallowAra · 23/04/2021 08:59

@harknesswitch

It's either controlling behaviour or shows a complete lack of trust in that person.

If it was my partner that said, and tried to enforce that, they wouldn't be a partner for much longer

Oh sorry I see now you're getting at the other side of it .. that you're happy/glad if your DH goes out.

Yeah I would be fine with it too, in was not asking him to limit his social life in any way.

OP posts:
Constantcrayfish · 23/04/2021 09:03

Thank goodness you’re out of that relationship.

As others are saying, I’d run a mile. Either he’s deluded, controlling, clingy or all three.

Original poster
MarshmallowAra · 23/04/2021 09:05

@MagpieSong

Deeply concerning and suggestive of an immature, underdeveloped personality.
You have linked this up with his other main "issue" that i noticed; in retrospect his interaction with people was occasionally volatile and lacking maturity (and accompanied by v rare apologies or even acknowledgement of his behaviour) ... Something v surprising for his age and circumstances.

It seems like he hasn't matured/couldn't somehow mature in some ways.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarshmallowAra · 23/04/2021 09:06

@Theunamedcat

It actually sounds like my ex he always promised me he would shoot the man i cheated on him with but just kneecap me so I learned my lesson (he said this after we got married if he had vocalised it before I would have run obviously) I pointed out I never cheated but it was pointless
ShockConfused

Wtaf.

Are you in NI?

OP posts: