Am I Crazy? Older man.

[South12]

I'm 29. I've been seeing a 54 year old man for the last few weeks.
My friends think it's going to end in tears (mine) but I can't help being drawn back to him.

Is the age gap too big?
Would you think it was weird if your friend was in a similar situation - either age?

I need some perspective I think.

As long as your happy it doesn't matter what others think, it's your life.
If you have the same plans in life it could work, only thing I thinking that might be an issue is if you have the same views on children, do you have any or want them, is your bf past wanting them or maybe he does. If it's only been a few weeks I guess your not worrying about that for now but it might become an obstacle but I am only assuming of course.

You're 2 adults and if you enjoy being with each other, that's great and actually nobody else's business at all. I think it's fine and you do not need other people's approval, OP.

I'd probably feel like your friends do. Depends what you want. Long term or just fun. Does he have children? Do you want children? I think the different life stages are significant. Have you touched on future plans at all? Are they aligned?
Did you know each others ages before you met?

I'd say no if it's a long term relationship you're looking for. I think he's the most likely one to be hurt.

It is a huge age gap, if you're thinking long term I wouldn't consider it.

I personally don't think that decent, well adjusted people in their 50s date people in their 20s.

How did you meet? It's been a couple of weeks only - are you intimate yet? Does he have grown up children and do you want children at some point yourself?

Theoretically no issue. Did you meet at work? Is he recently divorced from his wife, and was there infidelity involved? There's always a wee bit of me that with these age gaps. Due to utterly different ways of growing up, age of him regarding if you want children, age of him whilst you're still up and ready to do things- hells be in his 70's whilst yours in your 40's, he'll be retired when you're in your 30's and still have 30 years of work/ career.

I suppose I'd think it's all a bit Paul McCartney, but hey ho you're both adults.

Hell no.
Please don't waste your young years on some old man.

I wouldn’t say it’s a big gap but it all depends what you both want from life? Do you want kids etc and does he? I’m 31 and dated a few older guys and found they Just wanted a happy time and already had had their family

If your friends have met him and seen you together and still warn you off, then it's worth listening to them. If they're good friends. But if it's just on the numbers, don't worry so much. They might change their minds when they meet him.

That's the same age as me and my Dad, it's a massive no from me! Unless you don't want kids or a long term relationship

It can work. I have the same age gap with my DH, we've been together nearly 20 years and have an 11 year old dd. We were similar ages to you when we met. We both have an older dc too - his daughter is a similar age to me which was a bit weird for quite a while - for all of us! We get on very well now and she is great with dd.
You need to see him as an individual not just a number. A lot of people I know were very cynical early on but I like to think we've proved them wrong. My DH is very fit and healthy for his age although I do think he does less with dd than might be the case with a younger man but who knows! Take it slowly and do what feels right for you. You can listen to your friends but if they are judging him just on his age rather than him as a person then no point paying attention to what they think!

Well to me 29 sounds old as I’m 23! As in, I wouldn’t date a 29 year old, let alone someone twice my age and I wouldn’t advise my friends to either.

However you’re old enough to make your own decisions. I wouldn’t get with a 50 year old but it’s your prerogative. The dynamic is a bit off - he’s probably into the sex, you’re possibly into having a older “father figure” type. But I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily creepy at your ages as you’re both consenting adults.

If you want kids or are not sure if you want kids then move on immediately.

If you are definite you don’t want kids then things to consider are how the age gap will impact you in the future. There are a lot of relatively young women who end up as carers for their partners and aren’t able to enjoy their retirement eg travel because of this.
And yes aside from those issues I think it’s weird and inappropriate.

I'm in my 50s and would find it weird if a friend, whether male or female, was dating a 29 year old. That's almost the same age as some of our children. It's awkward socially and culturally and I'd worry about the older person's judgment and motivation to be honest.

Yes, he has kids around my age. We both have a wide range of friends of all ages so I don't think it would be "socially awkward" but maybe thats wishful thinking on my part.

They may still be thinking things but just keep it to themselves.

So he's interested in women the same age as his daughter?

Ick.

@billy1966

So he's interested in women the same age as his daughter?

Ick.

This ^^

I'm (almost) 29 and my dad is 53. I think it's fine for now, but terrible on the long term.

I'd analyse it from this pov: what do you see in him that men your age don't have? What do you get from this relationship?

So he's interested in women the same age as his daughter?

Is it really ick though? It's not like I'm 18. I really don't know. I don't want people to judge me or him but inevitably it will happen.

As for what I see in him.. he knows what he wants, he's very self assured and confident. I feel good when I'm with him.

Yeah I don’t think the age difference is that “icky” - you’re not a teen/young adult (no offence) and it doesn’t suggest he sees his 30 year old daughter in a sexual way either.

It’s more a question of what do you both see in each other, as presumably you’re in different life stages and should have other dating options that are closer to your own age. But if it works for you, that’s fine.

I’m 52, don’t think I could date anyone in their 20/30’s, not just the age gap, but all the life style and social references that come with it.
But if works for you, go for it

Sorry op but I think it's grim. Any man in his 50s who wants to date a woman so much younger than him is suspect. Especially given the fact he has a daughter your age.

I imagine he sees you as a play thing.