Am I Crazy? Older man.

[South12]

I'm 29. I've been seeing a 54 year old man for the last few weeks.
My friends think it's going to end in tears (mine) but I can't help being drawn back to him.

Is the age gap too big?
Would you think it was weird if your friend was in a similar situation - either age?

I need some perspective I think.

@spudsmama

I would say keep the conversation flowing about what you both want from the relationship and your lives. I met my partner when I was 27 and he was 45 and we've been together 7 years and have a nearly 3 year old together. We keep making sure we are both on the same page about what we want in life and what we want together, when we find differences in our plans we discuss everything a lot and work on the compromise. We haven't hit anything that has been big enough to cause a problem yet. I'm well aware of the issues of being with someone older, becoming a carer, and a widow etc. and maybe I'll feel differently when the time comes but we are a really great team and it's been so easy since we first met. His friends almost always did a double take when they found out how young I was but we always all just made a joke out of it. I think some of my friends were a bit weirded out at first but saw what we had and got over it.

But the age gap is much less for you. This is 25 years v your 18 and although yout age gap is massive, and yes when he’s seventy you’ll be fifty two, and you’ll really really feel it. It’s no where near as bad as 25 years. She’d be his age now and with a 80 year old.

I had an LTR with a man with kids only a couple of years younger than me. It didn’t work out because he was a dick, but the age gap wasn’t the problem......

It really isn’t your friends business. If he is a good man and is treating you well, they need to let you get on with it.

Do you want kids tho? Do you have them? I wouldn’t have dated a much older guy if I still wanted more kids, unless he definitely wanted more too.....

I've only got a 12 year age gap to deal with. It was fine in my 20s and 30s, less so in my 40s and in my 50s it's proving quite tough as he is turning into a grumpy old man. I'm sure not all blokes do this but what is fine now (especially in a new, fresh, fun relationship) is going to feel very different when you're 49 and he's 74.

So when you're 50, he would be 75. That's a No from me.

I'm 51 now and have kids in their 20's. And that's what they are to me : kids. And I'm afraid that I DO find it icky that he fancies women that are the same age as his kids.

Health issues related to age start to kick in as you hit your mid fifties so you may find if you end up together he'll start to slow down while your still in your prime. If you start a family you may end up looking after him as wellas your children. My DM's second marriage was to a much older man. She left him when the hip replacements, knee ops
and other age related illnesses became their married life.

@youvegottenminuteslynn That was the least of what he lied about in the beginning! We pretend the first year never happened.

I know someone like this, he’s in his 50s and only goes for women in their 20s. I find it creepy AF! 🤢 Personally I think 25 years is definitely too big an age gap if you’re looking for something long term.

I’m your age and I wouldn’t. Me and DP are months apart in age.
I love really active stuff (I have a horse, fell run, hike, scramble etc) and DP is the same. With someone much older it wouldn’t be too long before there was a real gap in what we were capable of doing.
I also wouldn’t want to spend my 40s looking after someone who was getting really very old.

I'm in my 50s. I think it's too big an age gap.

[quote TippledPink]@youvegottenminuteslynn That was the least of what he lied about in the beginning! We pretend the first year never happened.[/quote]
But stayed together?!

I think how you met is important. Sometimes men who like much younger women like to be in relationships with a mis matched power dynamic.

If for example he used to be your teacher, I would wonder what his game was

@spotcheck

I think how you met is important. Sometimes men who like much younger women like to be in relationships with a mis matched power dynamic.

If for example he used to be your teacher, I would wonder what his game was

Or, like the thread from the other day, where the man in his early 60s had 'rescued' the woman in her 20s from an abusive relationship by furnishing a flat for her and her children.

No strings attached there...

At that age, unless he is a model or a competitive fitness type/athlete, he is highly likely to be saggy, wrinkled and balding. So why would you bother getting involved with him when you could have someone in the prime of their youth? Its ridiculously easy to attract older men...

I'm 33, my husband is 51. We met when I was 25.

Our age gap has genuinely never been an issue, but I do appreciate I am likely to be alone when I reach my 60s. That said I made the decision that I'd rather have 40 years with the man I adored than be without him.

Every relationship is different, but if you're questioning it, it probably isn't right.

Big age gap in my relationship with DH being older. I never wanted children. Being different ages can work. Being at different life stages can be challenging. We’ve been together a long time but it’s by no means always easy.