Date doesn't want to swap numbers yet!

[nolovelost]

Went on a first date today, it was lovely and he wants to see me again.
When I said maybe we could swap numbers as it would be easier, or we could just stay as we are for the moment, he said that he wanted to carry on messaging on the site for now!
While we were on the date, he did say that he'd had some dates just disappear on him.
Red flag?

I think so yes after you've met...like he's hiding something

As someone who was using online dating for a while, I would tend to think he is suggesting this so he is able to continue using the app whilst talking to you. I could just be being cynical But men (and women of course) using dating apps are very rarely just talking to one person

Is he definately single?

My first thought is that he's married.

Really odd! Married? East to hide an app on the phone, not so easy to hide numbers and texts

It doesn't feel right. Either he is married or he isn't interested. If you are not happy then say so. Start as you mean to go on and have good boundaries.

It's Facebook dating so you can't see if they're online.
He said unprompted that he only likes to speak to one person at a time. I know a lot of men do the opposite though. He also told me that he has PTSD from the RAF which was the majority of the conversation! Felt a little heavy but I can understand he wanted to get it out there. It was a walking date, so probably wanted to prepare me incase he felt uneasy. Suffers with a brain injury too due to a fall. He seems lovely though.
I am close to giving up though, because in the space of 6 weeks I've had several ghostings and lots after one thing which has luckily been determined before meeting!

Can you message him on facebook then?

I have been on literally hundreds of OLD dates and have never ever ever NOT swapped numbers BEFORE meeting!

For your own safely you should have his number
and talked to him before meeting.

Of course he's married! Block and dump!!

He sounds like hard work already OP. I’d leave it here and move on. Sorry.

I was thinking he's not really that lovely if he just delivered an intense monologue about his conditions. Did he ask you any questions? I don't do OLD anymore so I'm really not the best to give advice, but it seems like you're projecting how lovely he is because he's the best of a bad bunch so far? You have to have boundaries of steel otherwise the cocklodgers, cheats and abusers sniff you out. I would leave it

I reason why I didn't get his number was because I've had enough of giving it out to men that just end up ghosting and flaking, and trying to initiate sex talk.
When dating on Facebook you can't view their main profile, just they dating profile. I've tried for a while to search for him but I can't find him.

I’d wonder if he didn’t want to give u his phone number because it makes it easier for him to disappear

There were a few times where I thought he was talking about himself a lot. He did ask me a few questions but didn't really seem as interested as I was about his conversation.
I've been OLD for years and normally good at filtering out the no hopes!

When I’m on old I only talk to people in the app as I don’t want them having my number and sending me dick pics and texting during the night etc. And if I block they borrow a mates phone and text me. WTF. I want contact on my terms. Not pestered.

I don’t know if guys ever feel these things or not but he may just be a private person rather than married.

You need his surname and address and you can see whose on the electoral roll in the household. That ought to make things clearer.

Normally as a fella I am an advocate for giving a bloke the benefit of the doubt until there’s firm evidence of being untoward - but I have to say this sounds very odd.
Like other posters have said here - I've never been on a date with someone who I had not swapped numbers with - and - had a phone conversation with before we met and I’d find it really odd if I’d met someone who effectively said let’s hold off on numbers for now.

In my view, total red flag.

I'd love to find out his surname but that would look a bit weird asking him that!
He told me the road he lives on, and I obviously know his car. I might drive down there and see what's occurring! Probably won't find out much though. He lives with one of his daughters too.

@nolovelost Perhaps no more odd than not wanting to swap numbers - but I can understand how hard that can be to get into a conversation. Mind you, to be fair I have had ladies ask for my surname early on to ensure that I am not some kind of nut - which I've never had a problem with.

If he is uncomfortable giving you that - another red flag?

Nope, nope, nope. Run for the hills. Whatever his reason is, it's not good.

This wouldn’t bother me. If he still hasn’t given you his number by the end of the 2nd date I’d be concerned though. Personally I never gave out my phone no to OLDs until after the first date, I think it’s sensible to not give out your phone no to a total stranger.

Haha should I ask for his surname now?! I can see me ending up blocked by tomorrow! It's ok really, I'm hardened to all this shite.

He told me the road he lives on, and I obviously know his car. I might drive down there and see what's occurring!

Wow that’s pretty intense stalker behaviour after one date! I can see why he didn’t want to give you his number. 😂

@Shrivelled exactly - after the first date! We've had that date!

@nolovelost what the worst that can happen lol

I'm not a stalker but if people are saying it's a big red flag then I'm going to question his behaviour. Jesus!