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Original poster

Date doesn't want to swap numbers yet!

72 replies

nolovelost · 18/04/2021 22:12

Went on a first date today, it was lovely and he wants to see me again.
When I said maybe we could swap numbers as it would be easier, or we could just stay as we are for the moment, he said that he wanted to carry on messaging on the site for now!
While we were on the date, he did say that he'd had some dates just disappear on him.
Red flag?

OP posts:
Original poster
nolovelost · 18/04/2021 23:16

Oh I forgot to say, he wanted to pick me up to drive together to the place we were walking because we're pretty close to each other and it would have made sense to! I politely declined.

OP posts:
MusicWithRocksIn1t · 18/04/2021 23:21

He wanted your address but won't swap numbers... run far far away.

Original poster
nolovelost · 18/04/2021 23:21

But you're right, I should never have met up with him without getting his number or surname, quite foolish of me really.

OP posts:
HareIsland · 18/04/2021 23:25

OP, quite aside from the no number thing, was the date really that ‘lovely’? Because a man who monologues about his PTSD and brain injury, at length on a first date and doesn’t seem that interested in what you say about yourself sounds tiresomely self-absorbed and dull.

You’re worth more than that.

Zzpplant · 18/04/2021 23:31

Seems unusual not to want to give his number. I’d be as or more concerned about him taking up most of the conversation on your first date to talk about his health. I can understand him wanting to disclose a serious problem such as PTSD early on but going on and on about it is too much too soon. He should be interested in learning more about you not just going on about himself. He sounds unaware of safety concerns too in wanting to pick you up in his car on your first date. You don’t know his surname and he doesn’t want to give you his number yet thinks you’d be cool with getting into his car? I don’t think I’d want to take this any further nolovelost

HollowTalk · 18/04/2021 23:34

@HareIsland

OP, quite aside from the no number thing, was the date really that ‘lovely’? Because a man who monologues about his PTSD and brain injury, at length on a first date and doesn’t seem that interested in what you say about yourself sounds tiresomely self-absorbed and dull.

You’re worth more than that.

I agree with this. What was so lovely about it?
Osirus · 18/04/2021 23:37

@Shrivelled

He told me the road he lives on, and I obviously know his car. I might drive down there and see what's occurring!

Wow that’s pretty intense stalker behaviour after one date! I can see why he didn’t want to give you his number. 😂

Same thoughts myself - don’t stalk him already!
Lovelydiscusfish · 19/04/2021 03:33

I dunno - when I briefly did OLD there was a split between men who wanted to give me their number immediately, and ones who reacted to my request for it as if it was tantamount to a suggestion that we meet up for a night of necrophilia! Someone said this is because there are a lot of fable female profiles on there trying to harvest men’s numbers for some form of nefarious purpose?

After an actual date tho he presumably knows you exist. That would be a big length to go to just to get the fella’s number......

Maybe ask him what his concern is? Nothing to lose......

youshallnotpass9 · 19/04/2021 04:18

He also told me that he has PTSD from the RAF which was the majority of the conversation! Felt a little heavy but I can understand he wanted to get it out there. It was a walking date, so probably wanted to prepare me incase he felt uneasy. Suffers with a brain injury too due to a fall.

I would have to try and google, but I am sure, this is part of some sort of scam

category12 · 19/04/2021 06:06

Gosh, I'd be out of there.

Original poster
nolovelost · 19/04/2021 07:45

Do I say to him that although I understand that he wanted to disclose the PTSD and head injury early on, I thought that the coversations were too deep and that he didn't seem interested in what I had to say? So he's aware for his next date? I don't want to make him angry but I also don't want to block without an explanation!

OP posts:
Original poster
nolovelost · 19/04/2021 07:52

And mention the not swapping numbers?

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 19/04/2021 07:55

I'd mention the number thing, I find that more of an issue.

Changeychange1 · 19/04/2021 07:57

How dare he say that to you? Is he a control freak? Bin him Flowers

GelfBride · 19/04/2021 08:02

Please don't say any of that stuff to him. It's not your job to put him straight. Don't say anything to him. You don't want to piss him off and have him as an enemy. Let him go and see loads of other people and be much more chill about it all.

Tangledtresses · 19/04/2021 08:02

It's probably because you'll be able to find him on social media, WhatsApp, Instagram etc
As soon as you have a contact in your phone these things are easy to find....

Red flag from me

Lozzerbmc · 19/04/2021 08:06

Red flag from me too a) re mobile no and b) talking of himself too much. Shouldnt he be more interested in finding out about your brain and you? (Ive ignored red flags at my peril)

Nonmaquillee · 19/04/2021 08:12

I'd walk away - he knows all the tricks to keep you at a distance until he clicks his fingers.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 19/04/2021 08:22

I’m a woman and I prefer to use the app - sometimes carry on with it for messaging even if we have swapped numbers. I’ve had some weird experiences with giving my number out.

WouldBeGood · 19/04/2021 08:24

I’m not sure I’d say anything, but just decline politely if he does suggest another date. Without going into reasons.

I do feel for you @nolovelost. It’s hard!

midnightstar66 · 19/04/2021 08:31

More than one red flag going on, however if I knew someone was planning to stalk down my street after one date then that would be even more of a red flag so I'd say neither are suited and to call this one a day

Original poster
nolovelost · 19/04/2021 08:57

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Eyevorbig0ne · 19/04/2021 09:05

Sounds like high effort for low reward.
Why be an unpaid therapist to someone you've just met?

Wanderlusto · 19/04/2021 09:12

I try not to give my number out until I've met the guy but that's because I've met a few I wish I'd never gave my number to because they've turned out to be creepy.

But by the end of your first date he should have your number and vice versa. The only reason I can think for him not to give you his number is that he doesn't intend to see you again but didn't have the decency to tell you.

Unless he is married/taken already and doesn't want you knowing.

Either way though, yes, red flag.

Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 09:49

Op I mean this gently but if someone has ptsd and brain damage then it’s possible you will see behaviour that you’d not describe as the norm. As yet you don’t know how these issues impact him. These are very serious and complex issues, likely why he spoke immediately about it. And they will impact his behaviours.