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Original poster

Female 34 dating male 20? Advice needed.

68 replies

Skyatsky · 18/04/2021 21:24

20 yo bloke crazy about my friend. However, he does not know her age as she looks a lot younger (she is 34). He is forever asking her on a date etc. She has asked my advice, it would just be for fun on her behalf as the age gap is too big to develop into anything serious.

What do I tell her:

Go for it?

Or

No go?

Advice appreciated.

OP posts:
AramintaLee · 18/04/2021 21:30

At 20 years old, you're mature enough to make decisions about how you want to have a sexual relationship with... but I guess she needs to think about what she wants. If it's a serious relationship and children, I wouldn't be setting my sights on a 20 years old (who is probably just trying to tick a box and brag about having shagged an older woman)

Personally I just wouldn't go there because 20 year old boys are just ugh.

Plumplumbadum · 18/04/2021 21:34

A friend? Yeah right.
Look it's just plain creepy and weird. What the hell would a sensible 34 year old woman see in a 20 year old boy? And yes, I do mean boy.

autumnalrain · 18/04/2021 21:39

Just wrong

Fabuloser · 18/04/2021 21:41

Your friend should really explore this opportunity it could be something really beautiful.

Original poster
Skyatsky · 18/04/2021 21:43

She has no intentions to deceive him, her age has just not been asked. If she gives in and decides to date him then she would tell him her age beforehand.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skyatsky · 18/04/2021 21:44

@Plumplumbadum fun I suppose.

OP posts:
DropBearThere · 18/04/2021 21:48

A 20 year old is barely more than a child, no life experience, just out of school and many not that independent from parents. So I think it’s a bit gross and predatory, even though it’s legal. I’d think less of a 34 year old friend if she was going after someone who was a teen a short time ago.

HedgleyTheHedgehog · 18/04/2021 21:50

@Fabuloser

Your friend should really explore this opportunity it could be something really beautiful.
If it was a 20 yo woman and a 34 yo man you'd say the complete opposite
Fabuloser · 18/04/2021 21:51

He is legal though. Some 25 year olds still mommys boy, no independence or anything. A man would not hesitate twice to pluck that opportunity. Can't we just be happy for her? Gosh this site is so regressive on some matters.

Sandra15 · 18/04/2021 21:55

I went out with a 35 year old when I was 20 and my parents went ballistic. I was at uni and not under their thumb but they went spare. He was just too old for me in the long run and reminded me of my dad.

Bang4Bond · 18/04/2021 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RulesDontApply2Me · 19/04/2021 06:11

She will struggle with the difference in maturity in the early years, but no reason why it wouldn’t last forever (if that’s what she wanted).

She should go for it.

MyOtherProfile · 19/04/2021 06:14

Predatory? Clearly not unless you meant h chasing her!

MyOtherProfile · 19/04/2021 06:14

Him

StarlightLady · 19/04/2021 06:55

Fun, fun, fun! The world is a very serious place right now, so l would suggest if he can string a sentence together, seems mature for his age and this is purely about fun, go for it.

But my first reaction would be to look him straight in the eye and say “l am 34 you know”.

There is also the issue that even in this sexist world, she is likely to be the higher earner, if he is earning at all. To sum up, fun days out, good (safe) sex and don’t let emotions rule your head or expect the long haul.

Washingtofold · 19/04/2021 07:06

@HedgleyTheHedgehog

‘ If it was a 20 yo woman and a 34 yo man you'd say the complete opposite’

Nope that’s not true . Pretty much everyone was right behind Charles when he at age 32 married the 20 yr old Diana
Seems that the majority of people have a much bigger problem with an older woman being with a younger man than the other way around
Personally though , I think the life differences between a 32 yr old and a 20 yr old are just to big regardless of which he gender is older / younger
At 32 , a 20 yr old would have seemed very young to me but everyone’s different and you will need to decide what’s right for you OP . Just be sure to be honest with him

Guavafish · 19/04/2021 07:07

If it’s fun she should go for it!

DrWankincense · 19/04/2021 07:13

Hmm. Isn't the 'rule' half your age plus 7?

Idk, it would depend on their personalities, but 20 really is young.

NotaCoolMum · 19/04/2021 07:34

Gross 🤮

Onedropbeat · 19/04/2021 07:53

A male family member married their girlfriend when he was 20 and she was 31.

They started dating when he was 18.
To me that was too young for a 30 year old to be dating

10 years on and they have children and are still married.
I have no idea if they are happy. There seems to be a huge imbalance in the relationship and the shared friendship groups don’t work as well.

She’s also always worrying that one day he will just up and leave because he’s missed out on having any of the fun he saw his friends have when he was married with babies by 21

Wanderlusto · 19/04/2021 08:34

At 32 my age range is 26-36 normally but i suppose if I were to drunkenly get off with a 20 year old some time then I'd chalk it up to a fun night.

I'm not sure I would encourage a friend to date a 20 year old though. But if she was really attracted to him and there was good chemistry...I'd maybe suggest she go for it but just treat it as a bit of fun.

Bearclaw · 19/04/2021 08:41

When I was 20 I dated a 29yo man. At the time I thought it was fine. But now I’m more mature, with hindsight it feels like rape and abuse. I was very easily led and manipulated because of my youth, it wasn’t an appropriate relationship. Just because the younger person feels fine about it now doesn’t mean it is fine. I’d recommend your friend should stay away.

ZappedOut · 19/04/2021 08:44

Totally up to her. Everyone is different. That would make me puke personally but I wouldn't have lead him on enough to be "crazy about" me. Sounds like she's loving the attention of a kid so let her go for it.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/04/2021 08:45

Creepy AF. Gross.

MrsBerthaRochester · 19/04/2021 08:49

I think it's absolutely fine. Abuse? Tosh. Twenty is grown up and as it's likely only a bit of fun she should go for it. I much prefer dating younger guys because quite frankly men my age(mid forties) have too many issues,including a lot with ed!