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Original poster

Female 34 dating male 20? Advice needed.

68 replies

Skyatsky · 18/04/2021 21:24

20 yo bloke crazy about my friend. However, he does not know her age as she looks a lot younger (she is 34). He is forever asking her on a date etc. She has asked my advice, it would just be for fun on her behalf as the age gap is too big to develop into anything serious.

What do I tell her:

Go for it?

Or

No go?

Advice appreciated.

OP posts:
NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 19/04/2021 08:58

I can’t imagine why a a 34 year old would think this was a good idea. I work in a senior role with young people 18-22.
I on them fondly remembering what it was like to be that age but there’s nothing appealing about their lifestyle to someone in their 30s like me and we aren’t anywhere near peers. Some of the lads have had crushes on me/expressed sexual interest but I’d never consider it for a second. I know it would be wrong.

When I was 29/30 there was a lovely 22/23 year old interested in me but I was at the wanting to settle down, marry, have children in the next five years stage and he was just a young man in the prime of his life who could afford to wait another 10 years before having to deal with all that commitment. The age gap felt off then and it was only 7 years. The age gap described would leave me feeling like a creep.

denverRegina · 19/04/2021 09:28

"Nope that’s not true . Pretty much everyone was right behind Charles when he at age 32 married the 20 yr old Diana"

That's 40 fucking years ago 😂 move on, Jesus wept.

happyfeeet · 19/04/2021 09:35

Will never ever work out. I’m only 30 but still couldn’t imagine even dating a 25 years old 🤦🏻‍♀️

HairboStrawb · 19/04/2021 09:46

Go for it I say. There's 9 nears between me and DP and I was very young when I got with him (some would say too young) but we don't care what people think, our parents were happy that's all that mattered to us.

We have been together 11 years, got children and about to buy our second home!

Woeismethischristmas · 19/04/2021 09:52

When I was 22 I dated a man in his late thirties. It was not a forever thing I was off to Australia in three months but it was lots of fun. Actually learnt a lot about sex, it was a pleasant change from pushy, selfish guys my own age tbh.

That said I’m in my forties and wouldn’t date a younger man. Double standards I know!

newnortherner111 · 19/04/2021 09:54

Has he been watching re-runs of the Inbetweeners where the characters like Will's mum?

I think she should own up to her age fairly soon. Though if my hunch about his tv watching is correct, it may make him keener.

Iwonder08 · 19/04/2021 10:00

Depends on her agenda:
To have fun=YES
For relationship =NO

ConfusedOpenMarriage · 19/04/2021 14:07

At the same age as your friend I’d say no, advise her to steer clear.

LivBa · 19/04/2021 14:15

@DropBearThere

A 20 year old is barely more than a child, no life experience, just out of school and many not that independent from parents. So I think it’s a bit gross and predatory, even though it’s legal. I’d think less of a 34 year old friend if she was going after someone who was a teen a short time ago.
Yes , this. I honestly don't know anyone who would even consider this.

It's sick and predatory going for someone barely out of their teens in order to use them for some "fun" even if they're asking for it Confused

Also at age 34, if she wants marriage/kids (I acknowledge she may not but most women do), makes no sense whatsoever to waste any of her time or headspace with such a man.

Honestly some women unfortunately seem to do all they can to waste precious time on the wrong men/bad long term bets then are full of self pity and resentment when their biological clocks are ticking and "there are no good men left" 🙄

LadyJaye · 19/04/2021 14:21

One of my nephews is almost 20.

Knowing what I do about teenage boys and the extremity of their feelings at that age, if I found out that a woman a few years younger than me had got into a relationship with them 'for fun', I'd drop round and have a pretty stern word with them about messing with the emotions of young people barely out of their teens.

This is a pretty twisted scenario, and I'd say the same be the older party male or female.

SingingInTheShithouse · 19/04/2021 14:22

No,

We had a friend who did this, lots of us were very uncomfortable about it as it was like she brought her DS out with her, a lovely lad, but he was just too young & a similar age to a lot of our kids, which made several of the friendship group feel very uncomfortable.

Started off as fun, but he was young & very obsessed with her & convinced her he was serious, they moved in together had kids & split up shortly after when she realised that he was just another kid & not up to the responsibility & he realised that she was human & not the perpetual glamour puss she portrayed herself to be outside

Allwokedup · 19/04/2021 16:21

I’m 33 I wouldn’t go out with a 20 year old no way.

Rozziie · 19/04/2021 17:17

People change so much between 20 and 30 that even a few years' difference in that age bracket matters. I remember being 28 and asked out by a 21-year-old and even that felt completely ridiculous. There's an enormous power imbalance between someone who is just starting out in their adult life and someone who has been an adult for 12+ years!

My last bf had dated a 20-year-old when he was 30 and I found it really off-putting, especially as she was still a student. It just seemed so gross and inappropriate.

Susie477 · 19/04/2021 19:00

I’ve never read so much pearl-clutching nonsense in my life as some of these replies. If your friend wants to go for it with this lad, she should. If it’s just a bit of fun for both of them, so what? Get in there and enjoy it.

Obviously, if she wants something more long-term or serious, a 14 year age gap wouldn’t work, because by the time he was ready to have a family it would be too late for her.

cliftonbear · 19/04/2021 19:42

it’s weird. i’m 20 and if any of my friends said they were dating someone in their 30s i’d assune there was something wrong with them.

Motnight · 19/04/2021 19:49

@cliftonbear

it’s weird. i’m 20 and if any of my friends said they were dating someone in their 30s i’d assune there was something wrong with them.
In what way, cliftonbear?
Treacletoots · 19/04/2021 20:31

I'm a self confessed cougar, ha, but even I think this has disaster written all over it, sorry.

I look a lot younger than I am and dated between 24 and 29 year olds when I was in my early 30s and whilst we had lots of fun, none of them were in the same place realistically and they were just a stop gap for entertainment.

Fortunately they also agreed and no-one was disappointed when they eventually fizzled out, which doesn't seem to be the case here, as he seems a little.bit obsessed.

I'd stay clear. Sorry

Chunkymenrock · 19/04/2021 20:40

Totally and utterly fine. If they are both keen on each other and as they are both adults-why ever not? Attraction is not determined by age!

AnyFucker · 19/04/2021 20:40

Asking for a friend you say ? Aye, right.

LST · 19/04/2021 20:46

I wouldn't. But when does it become acceptable? If she was 44 and he was 30 would it be 'ok'?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/04/2021 23:01

I'm 34. If I found out a guy I found attractive was 20 I would not be attracted to him anymore! Could have been in sixth form two years previously! Grim. Huge, huge difference life experience wise.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/04/2021 23:02

@denverRegina

"Nope that’s not true . Pretty much everyone was right behind Charles when he at age 32 married the 20 yr old Diana"

That's 40 fucking years ago 😂 move on, Jesus wept.

This. And anyway, those of us who think it's fucking grim now would have thought the same at the time!
youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/04/2021 23:03

@Chunkymenrock

Totally and utterly fine. If they are both keen on each other and as they are both adults-why ever not? Attraction is not determined by age!
So what if he was 16? Legal, yes. Appropriate and responsible? Not in most people's opinion, but how about yours?
PurpleTrilby · 20/04/2021 03:12

Simple, she can absolutely fuck his brains out. But she needs to be crystal clear that it is fun only. No falling in love or relationship promise.

bert3400 · 20/04/2021 03:19

Well stuff everyone who says Gross or yuck. When I was 31, divorced with two kids I met a 20yr at work. We actually got on so well . Anyway the rest is history cause we have been together 24 years , blissfully married, have two kids together and are the happiest couple I know . So tell your friend, if it feels right just go for it and fuck everyone else's opinion.