Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What women want

60 replies

Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:00

I’m a 25 year old man who has occasionally looked to this forum for insights on what things women go through, to try and be a better partner.

I’ve been dumped again (second time in 2 years) and I’m feeling I just can’t be enough.

I’m average height (5’10- quite insecure about this) average face, I have graduated but only got an average job in finance. Im kind and really try and look after my partner and can hold a conversation, but it feels like there’s always someone better she can get!!

My question is this - will women always go after the taller, richer versions of me? How much do they really care about kindness and the fact I do my best? Sometimes just feel like giving up

OP posts:
Flyingbirdie · 17/04/2021 20:10

You just haven’t found the right girl yet. A girl who values kind and loyalty than money and looks. But it’s hard at your age, girls around you ages are still out there having fun and playing the field, hence looks and money are more important to them during this period.

Once girls learnt their lessons, slowly going to their 30s, they will learn to value other things than looks and money.

Just chill and enjoy all the experience for now, and learn to find out a bit more about yourself and what kind of relationship and partner that you are looking for.

Good luck 🤞🏻!

DoingItMyself · 17/04/2021 20:14

No, just make contact and be kind. Women want partners. They (we) love kindness and they like good sex, too. Not sure about 'looking after', I think women might want to be thought of as partners not subjects - so sharing care of each other, not necessarily being looked after. I might be wrong though.

DuchessOfSausage · 17/04/2021 20:15

I’m average height (5’10- quite insecure about this) average face, I have graduated but only got an average job in finance.

5'10" is taller than average. Stop thinking of yourself as average. Work on your self esteem. You're only 25, you've probably not met the right person yet. Have fun.

Thingsdogetbetter · 17/04/2021 20:16

Never cared about looks or money at any age. Very attracted to confidence (nor arrogance) and a sense of humour that matches mine. Funny wins every time with me!

Sideorderofchips · 17/04/2021 20:17

You're young yet you just haven't found the right person.

I speak from experience when I say that not all girls are after a taller richer.

Most just want to be loved for who they are the same as you want to be

Thingsdogetbetter · 17/04/2021 20:17

NOT arrogance. Lol

Ruminating2020 · 17/04/2021 20:21

You're only 25, so there is plenty of time to find a suitable partner.

Different women want different things and successful matches are rarely to do with your height or wealth. FWIW, my dh is 5'10" and I was supporting him with my meagre NQT salary when we married.

Are you kind, loyal, honest, have integrity and respectful? Those are pretty much basic ingredients for a healthy relationship.

I agree with pp, just enjoy the experience if someone you like comes along, but know yourself better first.

Boho7 · 17/04/2021 20:23

Just be yourself..dont try too hard 🙂

Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:25

That’s a good point about the situation maybe changing as I age. I suppose it’s hard feeling like you constantly need to compete, but that must be the case for women as well. Reassuring to know that for some people it’s the personality that really matters

OP posts:
Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:26

Thank for all your comments 😄

OP posts:
Clovertoast · 17/04/2021 20:33

Why were you dumped?

pinkyredrose · 17/04/2021 20:36

You haven't met the right person yet, that's all.

Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:41

The first time - she wasn’t ready for a relationship
The second - the relationship was boring her, she blamed it on lockdown

It’s just hard. I know women go through this exact same thing - knowing there will be more attractive girls. But when I commit to someone I really commit.

It’s making me scared to go out with someone attractive because in my head I know that they could get the taller/richer version of me

OP posts:
Boho7 · 17/04/2021 20:45

Are you maybe being a bit too full on ?

Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:47

I don’t think so! I’ve actually taken to matching their energy so as not to get hurt.

OP posts:
NommyChompers · 17/04/2021 20:48

In my experience I always wanted the nice kind reliable bloke but they were always interested in the hot girls like all the others so it goes both ways. Ignore what you have to offer for a moment and ask what you’re after.

Once you know what you’re looking for you can start finding people better matched to you.

Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:48

This perhaps derives from a more fundamental problem with the dating-app generation. Relationships are easily replaced and therefore no longer command the respect and devotion they would once could

OP posts:
Dacquoise · 17/04/2021 20:49

Kind and caring, educated and good conversationalist, good grief man you've got most of the qualities that really matter! 5 foot ten is tall and not every woman wants a basket ball player. What's missing is confidence which you will gain when you meet the right person. You sound lovely. Everyone experiences rejection. Dust yourself off and get back in there. You'll be fine.

Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:50

I’m sorry to hear that, because I really can emphasise! It must really be an issue for both sexes. Maybe 20s is just a difficult time to date

OP posts:
NommyChompers · 17/04/2021 20:50

And stop focusing on looks. Looks get boring real quick. Are you after smart / funny / independent? Or spontaneous / free spirit / creative? Someone who hangs out in the library/rock climbing wall/night club?

Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:51

@Dacquoise

Kind and caring, educated and good conversationalist, good grief man you've got most of the qualities that really matter! 5 foot ten is tall and not every woman wants a basket ball player. What's missing is confidence which you will gain when you meet the right person. You sound lovely. Everyone experiences rejection. Dust yourself off and get back in there. You'll be fine.
You’ve no idea how nice this was to read
OP posts:
Original poster
Jacob174937 · 17/04/2021 20:52

@NommyChompers

And stop focusing on looks. Looks get boring real quick. Are you after smart / funny / independent? Or spontaneous / free spirit / creative? Someone who hangs out in the library/rock climbing wall/night club?
Certainly some of these but could focus on being more spontaneous!
OP posts:
JustAnotherOldMan · 17/04/2021 20:52

Don’t worry about it, go travel and enjoy yourself, work hard and do well.
in 5 or 6 years time the roles will reverse for you, and the women in your age group will be looking to settle down and start a family, youwill be hot property

Boho7 · 17/04/2021 20:53

Everything @Dacquoise said!

NommyChompers · 17/04/2021 20:59

Can you see the irony in you being insecure women are only interested in money and looks and you talking about avoiding good looking women as they will try to upgrade and ‘looking after’ partners. People aren’t objects and if you start looking at individuals rather than ideals you will be lots happier. Honestly this reminds me of the guys at 25 who thought they were ‘really nice guys’ because they’d never let a good looking girl walk home alone.