Dating men with two ex wives

[gonebeyondcaring]

My marriage ended at the beginning of the year and I'm happily enjoying been single and have no interest in dating or getting into a relationship anytime soon. However over the last couple of weeks a man I met in work has been quiet flirty and suggested we go for a drink when lock is over and the rules relax. I just laughed it off and didn't really give a response. This man is very friendly but has mentioned in conversation that he's been married and divorced twice and has children with both ex wife's. Doesn't have a good relationship with either and has limited access to both sets of children because of this. He claims it's because his wives were upset that he ended the marriages. I haven't pushed for any more info I don't intend on entering into any kind of relationship with him and this information doesn't fill me with any desire to even think about it. But it has got me thinking, at my age we are all going to have baggage me included and maybe at some point I might want to be in a relationship again although right now I very much doubt it. But would a man with two ex wives with children and both ex wives hate him would that be a red flag or am I been a bit unfair?

Run.

One of my best friends was her husband’s third wife (first died tragically, second was an incredibly acrimonious split).

It didn’t end happily. He does have a good relationship with their child, but that amount of baggage proved to be damage. She thought she could help him fix it, but he wasn’t prepared to.

Nooooo!

Do not get involved!

Run. I recently dated a man with children by two exes. It soon became clear why.

Too complicated.

2 wives in the context you’ve described?

Run a mile. Then run another.

Red flag. Remember if he has limit contact with his kids is either because a) they don’t want to see him, b) he hasn’t tried to get contact increased through the courts, c) the courts want contact to be limited or d) he is happy to not see them up. None of these are a good thing. If this is how he treats him children just think how he would treat a partner.

Not necessarily. My now ex husband has two ex wives. We just grew apart. Just as some exs get on well I think it's common for exs to dislike ex partners too. It may just be bad luck. Lok at how he responds to and relates to others in life besides his ex wives.
Keep an open mind.

Thank you all for your replies, which I agree with you all. My friends seem to think my judgement is been clouded because my ex was a abusive arsehole! And that maybe this man was just unfortunate and he has bitter wives. But for it to happen twice surely that can't be a coincidence

@Ilovetheseventies that's what my friends seem to think also

@Thatwentbadly has nailed it. He sounds like he has a very inflated opinion of himself and also desperately unaware if he doesn’t realise that any sensible woman would run a mile from that potted summary.

If his wives are bitter, there’s a really good chance it’s because he treated them badly. And it may be a lie - because that story makes it sound like it’s someone else’s fault that he doesn’t see much of his children.

Run like the wind.

The fact you've been in an abusive relationship before means you're much easier pickings for a bad man as your boundaries are skewed. I'm surprised yore even asking the question of whether to give him a chance

@LivBa sorry I mustn't have been very clear, I'm not interested in a relationship with this man or anyone right now. I'm getting my life slowly back together and enjoying been single. The situation just got me thinking about the future and any future relationships, which could be months or years away.

My ex husband now has three ex wives , me being one of them. He's a decent enough guy to be fair.

My partner has 2 ex wives. We have been together many years . I am the one that tells him I'm still making up my mind about us before committing to him ! 😂

I don’t think it’s the 2 ex-wives point, really. It’s the “bitter ex-wife/children he doesn’t really see” element which is the red flag. Sounds like he’s very careless of people he should treat well.

Two ex-Ws are to me more about having had two long term relationships. Some people marry quicker.
But children from a marriage that a parent doesn’t see would be an issue for me.
Unless it’s accompanied with - I am currently in court fighting for access.

My ex DP doesn't see his children who are adults now. Why? Because his ex wife has poisoned them against him. Quite common. Imagine if you cannot see Yr children who are now adults and people you meet pass judgement on you without knowing the full story.

I don't think him being married twice is really the issue but this would be for me:

"Doesn't have a good relationship with either and has limited access to both sets of children because of this. He claims it's because his wives were upset that he ended the marriages."

I dated a man with two bitter ex wives. I am no longer dating him and I'm sure I'm classed as the bitter ex gf by him now.

The first ex isn't bitter btw. I spoke to her quite by chance. Her and his stories do not match up. I believe her.

I would tread very lightly. Or just stroll off, the other way.

Thanks for all your responses, I think context is the key. Not every situation/ marriage breakup is the same. I'm sure there are people who remain amicable and co parent very well. The red flag for me isn't the amount of times married. It was the relationship now with both exes and lack of contact with children. But I don't know the whole story and right now don't need too. Just interested to see what people's opinions and experiences were. Thank you

Yes context is important. The fact he isn't able to see his children due to both ex wife's decisions is a major red flag.

Courts rarely don’t grant access to a parent so him not seeing them much may mean he hadn’t fought for access it.

Two sets of failed vows would be a big red flag for me.

Wouldbt touch him with a barge pole. Not necessarily because of the exs but because they both dislike him. And because of his bullshit about it being because he left them. Aye mate, bet they're gutted to no longer be gifted with your presence

Run.