morbid/delusional jealousy

[Finisher64]

I began reading about this illness and posted on someone else's thread and was advised to start my own so here we go I have experienced the abuse from my partner who I have been involved with for 2 years. It started out amazing everything I could have imagined. We had extreme chemistry and loved being with each other. He preferred that we spent our time alone and was very adamant about keeping family and friends out of our business.
It started a year and a half ago, accusations of my cheating extreme accusations. He said I date raped him in order to have sex with my sons friends in my car. I would shovel my deck in order to get rid of foot prints in the snow, sneak men in my back door, talked to his co workers in order to get information on him in exchange for sex....the list goes on and on.
I have never and would never do such things. I was devastated when all of this started and didn't understand. I thought he had organic matter on his brain and was extremely concerned. Wanted to start couple counselling but he refused. We continued for a year and a half, his conspiracy theories never went away and when he communicated them to me he would verbally abuse me. I was never allowed to know when and where he was working because I was planning to see other men. It became everything about our relationship, he changed our relationship to friendship because he could never be with a woman filled with lies and deception and infidelity. I put up with it for 14 months trying to make him come to his senses and understand that his thoughts were delusions. It didn't help. It has ruined my life and my heart and soul are damaged. I have finally ended this dangerous game but am left feeling with intense sorrow. I really loved him but he is a sick man who hurts me I have no choice, even though I thought we would last forever.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. What sort of an example did your parents show you?.

Why did you think that you and he would last forever?. This man has more red flags about him than are present at a Communist Party Committee Meeting!. I counted at least six red flags just in the first part of your posting.

He is an abusive man. That is all you need to understand about him. Its nothing to do with him having any sort of organic matter on his brain; whatever gave you that idea. His behaviours towards you were all rooted in wanting absolute power and control over you. Abusive men feel entitled to act like they do and he had absolute control over you.

Men like this do make for being dangerous as lovers and they can also certainly do their target a lot of emotional harm. This is going to take you a long time, perhaps some years now, to properly recover from.
Thank goodness therefore you have ended this dangerous relationship. Your boundaries are weak and perhaps skewed by previous poor relationships. These have been further eroded by this man and you certainly remain vulnerable now to being targeted again by an abuser.

I am wondering if you confused love here with codependency because what he showed you was not love but abuse and control. I would also read about codependency in relationships and see how much of that relates to you.

Get therapy for your own self to work out exactly how and why you got together in the first place (you were certainly love bombed by him) and educate yourself a lot more about abusers and how they operate. Look at the Freedom Programme online and read this article also by Dr Joe Carver. Block him on all channels and never be in his presence again.

drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

Thank you for your direct advice. You undoubtedly are correct about everything except the part that he must be ill. I have been in therapy for about a year and yes all is true love bombing, gas-lighting and codependency which I have experienced in other relationships including my daughter who has been struggling with mental health and drug addiction. As for my upbringing true enough not a good example and yes boundaries don't have good ones. Everything that you mentioned are things that I frequently discuss with my councilor. I get it but it doesn't take away the pain and sorrow that's a fact. Thank you for your insight your are knowledgeable, are you a doctor or therapist? Thanks for the article as well I will give it a read for sure!

It has been some time and no one has posted anything on my thread, does anyone one else have anything to add? I would like to hear from other woman who have experienced anything like this? What the end game was for them? Please it helps me to understand and I think it will help with my recovery from this terrible experience.

My ex was very much like this, it just escalated and escalated, there was nothing I could say or do.
I ended it after 4yrs of ridiculous accusations.
I found recording devices around the house, he monitored everything I did.
He will never ever change.

So sad really! I just don't understand why his son or any of his family members won't help him? Yes I am out of the relationship it was making me crazy nothing I said helped him to understand reality as well as how ridiculous all of his accusations were. It's heart breaking because he had a lot of good qualities. I also fell very sorry for his next victim.

The thing is, no one can help him.
He can seek help for himself, but they are so deluded they can't see a problem.
Hopefully his next victim sees red flags early.
Nothing I did or said could or would convince him, it was pure insanity

I know the same for my experience, he thought that everything he was imagining was true and I was an evil woman full of lies and deception he was so convincing he would tell me to set myself free from all the lies and because we were now just friends ( but he acted the same way) that I could tell him the truth. I felt so low so worthless and I realize now that he was making me crazy. So why do I still feel such sorrow? I really do wish that someone would help him. Is it possible that he will not be like this in his next relationship?

He will be like that in every relationship he has until he gets help and that is not your place to help him he needs to do it himself which he won't because he thinks everyone else is the problem, I would set some distance between the both of you for your own safety and sanity

It's very likely he was cheating on you. People that are shit often expect others to behave as shittily as them. It's also likely he is delusional, or a combination of the above. In any case you need to move on from this terrible person. Stay alone for awhile until you have created some healthy boundaries for yourself

I have. We are no longer talking to one another and of course it was my fault. He was very angry with me the last time we were together and he told me I was lucky he did not Knock me out!

I strongly believe my ex cheated on me, I believed the wishy washy story he told me at the time, as I trusted him so much, he then realised how easy it was to get away with it and in a weird guilt projection thing he transferred this on to me.
I pity him, he is seriously unwell and I am well away from the paranoid deluded fool.

I think you need to fully think about who you actually love.

There is the man you spent 6 months with and the man who was controlling and abusive.

They are not the same person, even if they wear the same face.

Hello out there. I am still trying to heal from this roller coaster ride that I lived through the past 2 years. I feel so sick I just can't stand to live without him. What is wrong with me. I wish I could move on I pray, walk,
talk with friends, read articles on self help and healing, and yet I can't seem to let go. Why am I suffering like this. I see myself as a pretty intelligent woman and have lived through many tragic events in my life but this one will not pass. Any suggestions. I am in therapy but it just doesn't seem to be working fast enough. Will I ever recover help please!

So I have went through this, and am in the process of a divorce. My BD and I have 2 children. He's accused me of everything. Said i left him for a month to sleep with another dude right after having our baby. She just turned 1 the 14th. he's sexually assaulted me. Even got so angry because I wouldn't admit to cheating he choked me told me he'd kill me if I didn't admit it. Once I did that's when things got worse. Then he through it in my face all the time that I was a cheating whore. One night he wanted me to admit to something again that I didn't do that was absolutely Ludacris, when I wouldn't he put his cigarette out in-between my ways. He put a knife to my throat, he made me beg him for my life. Sexually assultwd me at knife point. I am holding it together. But on the inside I am a wreck. He was calling me from jail just to tormnet me. Finally I stopped answering but I have serious c-ptsd. I moved out of the house with our kids I also filed for divorce. I go to therapy every week!!!! But what I had to realize I'm not the problem he his. He's a bad person he tricked me in to thinking he's someone he's not. The person u fell in love with isn't real. That's what helps me.

Look up trauma bonding.

What you mean? Look up

He sounds like a complete and utter nut job

He is he's freaking evil. He is so scary he's a big guy like muscular. He's pretty to. He's like Ted Bundy he put his thumbs in my eyes after attacking me in my sleep cuz he said I was whispering in my sleep told me he'd goudge my eyes out. Then licked the whole side of my face and bit my nose. He even told me if I didn't stop talking to some dude in my head he'd kill me. He said he could hear my thoughts. After he put the cig out in-between my eyes he's in jail and I have a restraining order... But he has really scared the fuck out of me. And the shit is so crazy it doesn't seem real.

I have really bad nightmares but I'm tryna get over it.

I was addressing the OP. I didn’t notice it was actually your screen name, sorry!

Lol and that's how anxious as a result of this. Lol I'm sorry

Hug

I am very sorry Traumabonding, this is really bad he is very ill. You are safe now and need to stay away. I know it's crazy because none of what these men think is real or true, yet they are so convinced it's their reality. What you described is absolute horror but it is what absolutely describes morbid delusional jealousy. I did not experience what you did but the emotional abuse was as horrible. And yes he would tell me that someone told me "Don't admit to nothin" there is nothing to admit to because it is not real or true! Never cheated and never did anything to betray him. I have been practicing modified contact but I know deep in my soul that I will have to go NO CONTACT to properly heal. Time is a great healer of many things so I am just praying that with time I will recover and so will you! Take care of yourself I am so sorry for what you went through.

Have faith in yourself that you will survive - and use your precious energy on yourself.

If any abusive person wants to change they can - on their own energy - not by sucking you dry of yours.

It might be slow, or feel lonely, tortuous even, at times but that’s all the more reason to save your energy for someone wanting to do, and be, better.

And that someone is YOU.

I am ok. I guess I really needed to vent that without anyone seeing me. I keep it together I go to therapy and I am better. He is getting out of jail in a month. I just hope you know your not alone but I do understand what your going through. It makes you question your own reality it's tough... Going no contact is the best way to get over it quickly.