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Original poster

Planning a weekend away with friends

69 replies

ByTreetops · 14/04/2021 21:12

I could do with some thoughts on this please. I haven’t seen my closest friends since pre Covid. We have all had both our vaccinations so want to meet up for a weekend once overnight stays are allowed. Dh thinks I’m selfish but I can’t understand why. When I’m away he will have to look after the kids all weekend (13 and 11) and won’t be able to meet his friends to play golf which is what he usually does - and has really missed.

Can you help me see it from his point of view?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/04/2021 21:14

His point of view is completely selfish, so I won't bother trying to examine it. I bet his has form for this.

denverRegina · 14/04/2021 21:15

Don't you normally have weekends away? Go for it, he'll get his turn too won't he?

Joolsin · 14/04/2021 21:19

Calculate how much time you've spent looking after the kids solo since they were born whilst he's played weekend golf. Illustrate via pie chart if you wish! I'll bet one piddly weekend away versus all that time should prove your point fairly comprehensively.

Shoxfordian · 14/04/2021 21:42

He does sound selfish, is he usually like that?

category12 · 14/04/2021 21:44

You get one weekend away, he gets the next weekend for golf - what's his major malfunction?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/04/2021 21:45

Why is it selfish to look after his own kids for a weekend (who are older and dont need such intense looking after)? If you are willing to return the favour. What does he want you to do instead? Not go at all or just not on one particular weekend? Golf is open now anyway isnt it?

PurpleDaisies · 14/04/2021 21:46

He’s being out of order. If you’re not breaking the covid regulations, you should absolutely go and enjoy yourself.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/04/2021 21:46

Is he currently meeting up for golf? How long does that usually take at a weekend?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2021 21:48

So have you said you want to do it the first weekend you can legally and he's unhappy he has to wait ab extra week to see his friends?

category12 · 14/04/2021 21:53

Plus golf courses are already open, so it's just you going away at all, isn't it?

Spideyspidey · 15/04/2021 08:26

I wouldn’t be allowed to do this either.
My DH plays golf every Saturday and at least two evenings a week in the summer and has done FOREVER. As well as going away for weekends for golf (pre lockdown) and having nights out where he stopped away because too drunk to get back and refused to pay for taxi.
I’m not allowed. If I asked he would flat out say no way, not happening. I know this because that’s what happened the only time I ever have asked (pre pandemic) when I wanted one night away with friends for their birthday.
So you have my sympathy. My friends seem to be able to just go and do things and I can’t really imagine the freedom of that. They just say, oh yes I went and had a night away and went to the theatre, or yes I had a couple of nights away on a city break.
Nope. Doesn’t happen here.

AuntieMarys · 15/04/2021 08:30

Why do you allow yourself to be treated like that @spidey?

cheeseismydownfall · 15/04/2021 08:32

@Spideyspidey, that is awful, really awful. How dare your DH tell you that you aren't allowed privileges that he seems to enjoy whenever he wants?

denverRegina · 15/04/2021 08:32

@Spideyspidey that's awful. Why put up with it? You only get one life, I really hope none of my friends are living like this.

Bionicname · 15/04/2021 08:38

@Spideyspidey I believe slavery is illegal in this country.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/04/2021 08:39

@Spideyspidey how long have you been together? What would happen if you just went away for the weekend?

user1493413286 · 15/04/2021 08:42

He’s being very selfish - it’s alright for him to play golf and leave you with the kids but not the other way round. I plan on doing the same and my kids are a lot younger (4 and 1) whereas at your kids ages it’s not like he’s going to be rushed off his feet.

@Spideyspidey that’s not ok and that’s not how relationships work

Flashblip · 15/04/2021 08:42

I'd get huge eye roll the sulks silent treatment for a few days / weeks and you know what I'd have an amazing time with my friends for the weekend.

@Spideyspidey I'd look at re setting expectations with your husband, your an adult and can do as you damn well please

sittingonacornflake · 15/04/2021 08:46

@Spideyspidey I don't know what to say, just, SadSadSadSadSad

You don't have to live like this.

notacooldad · 15/04/2021 08:47

I wouldn’t be allowed to do this either
I’m not allowed. If I asked he would flat out say no way, not happening
😲😥
Shocking and it makes me really angry that men do this to their partners.
All it does is control a person and build resentment.That is not a partnership or a team.

Oldbutstillgotit · 15/04/2021 08:49

@ Spideyspidey. You sound like my God daughter who can only do things when her DM takes the DC as her “D”H outright refuses to do any parenting .
I am so sad for you 💐

Spideyspidey · 15/04/2021 09:25

I used to be ok to go pre dc so I assume he doesn’t want to look after the dc? In the same way I can only go to things in the evening if they are in bed first, luckily there was an exercise class that started really late so I was able to go. The earlier one at 7.30 would have been difficult.
It’s just how it is. I am fully aware that he just doesn’t step up and do it. Whereas often we get back from school and work and he’s gone to golf if an evening. It wouldn’t be the same for one second the other way around. Just how it is.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/04/2021 09:32

But that isn’t acceptable @Spideyspidey. How old are the DC? They are being taught this is the way marriage works which isn’t right

Stonerosie67 · 15/04/2021 09:32

Spidey why are you putting up with this? You sound utterly defeated by him.

Stonerosie67 · 15/04/2021 09:35

Treetops plan your weekend away and have a fabulous time. If you don't, you've set a precedent for the future. You have every right to have fun with your friends, same as he has every right to enjoy golf...except he needs to understand this! He's being completely selfish.

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