Want to be nothing but happy for my friend, but...

[LittleRed53]

A good friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago that she's pregnant. I was so happy for her I almost cried- also because this is the first time someone I'm quite close to is having a baby.

A few days ago she had her first midwife appointment, and texted me right after to tell me incredible news- it's twins! I was shocked and amazed and incredibly excited for her.

This evening she just shared the news on a group chat we have with mutual friends, and it suddenly just hit me and I started crying. The thing is, since I was a kid, for some reason I've always loved the idea of twins, and as my mother lost twins, I know there's that slightly higher chance... Whether reasonable or not some part of me always felt twins were part of my destiny. I know how silly that sounds. I've had 4 beautiful babies and I am utterly grateful for them, yet each pregnancy I wondered if it could be twins, and each time when I found out it wasn't, a part of me couldn't help feeling sad

Now I'm going to watch my friend live this experience that I've always wanted, and I know I won't have, now (my health won't allow for another pregnancy). I'm so happy for her, but I feel like I'm now grieving what I'll never have. And of course I know it's unreasonable for me to be sad about this when there are people (like someone very close to me who I love dearly) who can't have children at all, and here I am with my big family.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do I deal with this sadness?

I have no intention of ever telling my friend how I feel, I just want to be supportive and kind to her because she's amazing and I know it'll be hard work and not easy for her.

@AsterixGoesCamping

It would happen if the friend has had fertility treatment. She will have had a scan at 7 weeks and know if she is expecting twins.

Same here. I had a scan at 6/7 weeks. I had two embryos put in so half expected to see two! Just the one though.

I’m someone who has been through infertility and then adoption (I have two DDs of 12 and 9). I can imagine that I would have taken offence at your thread when the grief was raw, so I understand why some posters have been harsh towards you, OP.

However, I can also understand it. It’s possible to feel wistful about what will never happen. I’m well over the pain of not having any bio DC, having dealt with it in therapy. However, I do feel sad sometimes that I didn’t know my DDs when they were newborns. (They came to us separately at age 1, having gone straight into foster care from birth.)

It’s possible to feel grateful for what we have whilst feeling wistful at times for what will never be. It was a case of using the wrong word, ‘grieving’ was a poor choice of word, which you clearly understand now.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to post and were kind. I have read and thought about every response.

The way I'm now feeling is, I'm still a bit sad and wistful- yes, that is the right word- for what will never be. But I do clearly see how fortunate I am, and I know with my health conditions and life situation, it was really for the best that I didn't have twins, even if I would have just struggled through somehow and been happy to have them.

I am and have from the beginning been truly happy for my friend, she's a peach and deserves nothing but good. I love her two DC and of course I'll love her new babies too. My sad feelings were about myself, not directed at her.

I see that my OP was poorly worded and I apologize for that.