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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He has abandoned DC again

76 replies

Butterfly1020 · 12/04/2021 20:52

Ex left when DC was a couple of months old, had no financial support or anything at all from him for almost two years.

He then came back, I genuinely thought he’d changed. He seemed to genuinely realise what a mistake he had made, and he’s been consistent since then, which was several years ago.

Now he’s fucked off again. He hasn’t even bothered saying goodbye to DC or making any arrangements at all regarding finances. Ignoring my calls and texts - totally out of the blue and unprovoked, after being very involved with DC and seeing them multiple times each week.

I’m so heartbroken for DC. What do I tell them Sad I can’t eat or sleep because I’m so stressed out.

OP posts:
Biscuitsanddoombar · 12/04/2021 21:19

Oh my god OP that is such an horrendous thing to do 😱

I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer but all I can say is I’m so sorry and please if he does try & come back in a few months, don’t let him!

BustyDusty · 12/04/2021 21:43

This man may be suicidal. You are concerned for him as will his family be . Please post a recent picture up of him and supply his name so that the information can share to social media. I'm sure he will be found. xx

LDom · 12/04/2021 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Queenie6655 · 12/04/2021 21:53

Sorry to the other posters
But it also could be that he is doing what he previously did and treating people badly !!!

Original poster
Butterfly1020 · 12/04/2021 21:53

He isn’t suicidal, he just doesn’t want to parent DC, he is safe and posting on his social media while ignoring my messages without a care in the world. He’s just a shit dad Sad

OP posts:
Biscuitsanddoombar · 12/04/2021 22:14

Suicidal?? There’s nothing in OP original post to suggest that!!!

He fucked off once & now he’s done it again

I know it’s no comfort atm OP but if this is how he treats ppl, in the long run you’re better off without him around

Ardvark111 · 12/04/2021 22:15

Mans pov here, some men don't deserve the title father you don't say how old kids are but they will draw own conclusions of him in future. He cant and shouldn't
Just waltz in / out of there lives, just because your rship end,,, Just be the best mum and dad you can be,

PoTheDog · 12/04/2021 22:17

I think @bustydusty was suggesting to do it in order to public shame him for his disappearing act, not because you're worried about him...

Wanderlusto · 12/04/2021 22:21

@Butterfly1020

He isn’t suicidal, he just doesn’t want to parent DC, he is safe and posting on his social media while ignoring my messages without a care in the world. He’s just a shit dad Sad
Shame him on social media.

Post for everyone to see that once again he has abandoned his children. Ask him how you are supposed to feed them.

With a bit of luck the shaming will ensure you at least get some dosh.

Rainbowqueeen · 12/04/2021 22:23

Put in a claim for cms
Be honest with the dc. Tell them that their dad has moved and you have tried to contact him but no response Let them know you are sad and disappointed for them and it’s ok for them to be sad (and angry) too. Listen to them. Advise the school so they can keep an eye on them. Organise counselling if you can. Reassure them that it’s nothing they have done and that sadly we can’t control other people’s actions. Give them big hugs

I’m sorry

Happycat1212 · 12/04/2021 22:49

Erm I think BustyDusty was being serious Confused

BustyDusty · 13/04/2021 00:21

I don't see why disappeared men whom women are concerned about shouldn't have their name and face published?? We do it for missing dogs and cats. This poor man may be stuck in a bush or barbed wire. Or in a ditch with no torch. Your concern is palpable OP. Do please post his picture and name. I will cheerfully share share share. xxxx

BustyDusty · 13/04/2021 00:25

Hoping he is home now. Poor chap. He might need his shorts iroming. xxx

BustyDusty · 13/04/2021 00:26

N ing. Hmm

Ardvark111 · 13/04/2021 00:28

@bustydusty it seems you convinced yourself of the worst 're his houdini, the op clearly states he posting on SM. He has probably got himself another gf and just swanned off,!!!

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 13/04/2021 00:30

What an arse.
Go to the CMS for maintenance and tell the DC you are very sorry but you don't know where their father is. Then suggest something fun to do together.
Its sucks. Especially when the DC are asking where Daddy is. :(

BustyDusty · 13/04/2021 00:31

Sigh

BustyDusty · 13/04/2021 00:34

I think the op should be able to swan off.

The day that men and women have equal rights to swan off cannot come too soon.

Ardvark111 · 13/04/2021 00:37

@bustydusty or take the sigh comment as it's your attempt at humour which has gone tits up for you,!! Grin

Ardvark111 · 13/04/2021 00:43

Further to my previous post as a father myself ( not a absent 1 tho ) I usually would say in circumstances like this. keep the door ajar for him to return into the kids lives, but the op makes no reference to any infrequent indirect contact from him to his kids. as even that is better than zero contact,!!

2ndtimemum2 · 13/04/2021 00:50

@Ardvark111

Further to my previous post as a father myself ( not a absent 1 tho ) I usually would say in circumstances like this. keep the door ajar for him to return into the kids lives, but the op makes no reference to any infrequent indirect contact from him to his kids. as even that is better than zero contact,!!
Please show me evidence where children are better when an absent father drops in and out of their lives!!!!
2ndtimemum2 · 13/04/2021 00:51

[quote Ardvark111]**@bustydusty* or take the sigh * comment as it's your attempt at humour which has gone tits up for you,!! Grin[/quote]
Most people got the joke, I think most people who read your reply cringed at your inability to get it!!

Ardvark111 · 13/04/2021 01:01

@2ndtimemum2 I obviously cannot provide evidence but surely some contact is better than no contact as I said kids will come of age to turn there backs on him if they wish but the children sound very young,!! And saucer of milk for you 're your 2nd post aimed at me Smile

SleepingStandingUp · 13/04/2021 01:07

OP how old are the kids?

DEF put in a CMS claim.

Do you have any contact with his family?

I would be tempted to post on his SM page if you can along the lines of "as you're not replying to any messages, can you please tell me when you intend to see your children again given its been X days since you're had contact with them"

Happycat1212 · 13/04/2021 01:08

Not in my experience. My ex sees my children once a year, comes in begs to be a dad, sees the kids for a few months then disappears again for a year, back again a year later rinse and repeat. It’s causes so much upset because my children feel constantly abandoned and rejected and each time they get over him they have to go through it again. It would certainly be easier if he was fully absent and I didn’t have to continue to pick up the pieces each time. I won’t be allowing it again. I don’t think it’s better for children at all.

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