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Original poster

Colleague and row

68 replies

Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 12:40

So, something happened in work this morning that we needed to speak to our manager about. Colleague who is the same level as me took it on herself to speak to manager. She's always pushy and outspoken but i just let it go as she's normally pleasant too. I went to deal with something else and saw her heading for the managers office and said "I'll come with you as I'd like to hear what manager says regarding X'. She then proceeded to say" it doesn't need 2 of us", kept telling me to "go back", "2 is too much" . I said I'm sure it's fine, it's am important issue. She kept telling me to leave so in the end I said "Well, why don't you go back then?". She literally threw my work pass at me and stormed off saying "I'm capable of doing it alone". I saw manager and went back. I said to her about half an hour later. "Are we OK?I'm sorry if upset you earlier, didn't mean to make you feel bad" . She responded really angrily semi shouting "I can't talk about it now, I'm too angry" I was taken aback and said "What. Why not?" she again shouted 'I just can't, OK'. I walked away and we haven't spoken since. We only work with one other person and the atmosphere is quite bad. If we've had words before it's been brief. I don't take kindly to her trying to send me away like a child. She made a mountain out of a molehill i didn't plan to join her, just saw her and thought it would be useful if we both went. I honestly feel like complaining about her attitude and reaction. I don't like confrontation and obviously she won't talk to me about it. Would a complaint be ott?
Please be gentle, I tried to post in Relationships

OP posts:
Original poster
Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 12:41

Oh, I have posted in relatships, not aibu.

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 12/04/2021 12:49

Maybe she had something else to talk to the manager about and didn't want you there.

I wouldnt complain about her I would just give her some space. She isnt your buddy. You dont have to like eachother.

If she starts causing you issues then by all means take it up with her but as is it sounds like theres just been some sort of one off misunderstanding.

AramintaLee · 12/04/2021 12:54

As she was approaching the manager's office first, I probably would have let her go ahead and deal with the matter if she felt confident it only needed one person. I would have offered my support and just asked her to keep me updated on the manager's response. If you hadn't planned on joining her ahead of time and only decided to join her when you saw her heading to the office, it shouldn't have been a big deal for you to allow her to go in alone.

I do think her response to you was out of order though. Throwing her pass, storming off and then saying she's too angry to discuss it is a tad dramatic.

Wanderlusto · 12/04/2021 12:56

*take it up with HR (not her)

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 16:10

Is there more of a backstory to this? Is she not including you in communications or changes usually? Seems a bit heated for what it was. I’m going through this myself, my coworker keeps going to my managers without telling me about any problems it’s really horrible.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 16:35

Does she feel superior to you in this role, does she feel entitled to liaise with the manager without you? Is she making herself your manager by default.

It's something that needs addressed.

NotaCoolMum · 12/04/2021 16:42

She sounds like a pain in the ass. She had no problem trying to be a condescending twat to you but she can’t handle you speaking up. The problem is not you.

Original poster
Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 17:02

There's no backstory really. We get on well. It's just that she is always first to speak to anyone, sometimes I feel I don't get a chance to put my point forward. We did talk about it at the end of the day and I apologised yet again. She had nothing else to talk to the manager about. She just always jumps in. She has said in the past 'Oh, I'll go' when anything needs doing.It's not that she doesn't include me in communicatiions, she's just in there first straightaway. No I think about it, we've had times before when she's told me "it doesn't need 2 people". It's like she wants to be the one seen doing everything. That sounds tough, Shaz. Have you made your managers aware of what is happening.

OP posts:
IEat · 12/04/2021 17:10

I got shouted at twice in front of 2 different sets of people. It was bloody humiliating, I don’t want to go back to work on Friday, but I have to. Mine was over a a comment I made to a so called friend who went and told our manager I had said x to a top boss
I didn’t bit of course the manager didn’t believe me and went full on rage

Miltonma · 12/04/2021 17:17

You are naive if you think coworker is representing you both equally in all this 1-2 time. You need to find a better way to communicate work you are doing. She is walking all over you and you will already be seen as a pushover. You need to take more control of the situation, for example by arranging the time you both go together to see a manager or at least you also go sometimes. You shouldn't have apologised twice. She was as much to me blame but I bet she didn't apologise for yelling at you.

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 17:17

@Bbq1 no :( as my line manager is also bullying me and not including me in changes etc. Looking for a new job.

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 17:18

It’s very odd that your coworker got that angry though.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 17:18

OP you need to be aware that she is Self Promoting.

Always running into the managers office, likely claiming all credit.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 17:20

@Shaz786o

It’s very odd that your coworker got that angry though.

She likely got angry because OP wanted to go into the Managers office too, which meant the colleague couldn't give her version of the subject, as she has been doing.

She probably sees herself as superior to OP.

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 17:33

@BlueDahlia69 yeah I agree and sounds like what I’m dealing with at work too at the moment

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 17:36

[quote Shaz786o]@BlueDahlia69 yeah I agree and sounds like what I’m dealing with at work too at the moment[/quote]

stand your ground Shaz786o and keep diplomatic, be smart and always keep your cool, eventually they will lose theirs.

good luck 🍀

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 17:38

@BlueDahlia69 oh thank you, how lovely 😊

Raaaaaaarr · 12/04/2021 18:10

I'm with her. If I was to speak to my senior about something I wouldn't want someone tagging along.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 18:12

@Raaaaaaarr

I'm with her. If I was to speak to my senior about something I wouldn't want someone tagging along.

Im sure you wouldn't row about it at the office door either though.

Raaaaaaarr · 12/04/2021 18:18

@BlueDahlia69 if I was annoyed enough with annoying colleague I would actually...

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 18:21

But if it involves both of them as a team?

islockdownoveryet · 12/04/2021 18:26

I think you are totally out of order , she wanted to speak to the manager alone and you wouldn’t let her . If it was me I would of seriously lost my shit with you . If someone says no i want to speak to her alone then that’s that you can’t stop her . If it was a mountain out of a molehill as you say you can speak after her . Arguing in the corridor wouldn’t of happened if you just let her go instead of saying no I want to come . You were actively trying to stop her going to her manager .
Totally out of order to treat colleagues like that .

Unsure33 · 12/04/2021 18:32

I don’t understand if you are both on the same level and you were both aware of the problem why should she not go in her own , it looked to me as if you did not trust her to explain it to the manager which sounds quite insulting to her .

She said she could do it on her own , did it really need two of you to say the same thing ?

Unless I have the wrong end of the stick I am not sure I can see your point of view ?!

Yes her reaction was over the top but sounds like you would not take no for an answer .

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 18:34

@Unsure33

I don’t understand if you are both on the same level and you were both aware of the problem why should she not go in her own , it looked to me as if you did not trust her to explain it to the manager which sounds quite insulting to her .

She said she could do it on her own , did it really need two of you to say the same thing ?

Unless I have the wrong end of the stick I am not sure I can see your point of view ?!

Yes her reaction was over the top but sounds like you would not take no for an answer .

but OP's never gotten in to the manager, her colleague monopolises the contact.

Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 18:41

But op said they both needed to speak to the manager about it.

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