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Original poster

Colleague and row

68 replies

Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 12:40

So, something happened in work this morning that we needed to speak to our manager about. Colleague who is the same level as me took it on herself to speak to manager. She's always pushy and outspoken but i just let it go as she's normally pleasant too. I went to deal with something else and saw her heading for the managers office and said "I'll come with you as I'd like to hear what manager says regarding X'. She then proceeded to say" it doesn't need 2 of us", kept telling me to "go back", "2 is too much" . I said I'm sure it's fine, it's am important issue. She kept telling me to leave so in the end I said "Well, why don't you go back then?". She literally threw my work pass at me and stormed off saying "I'm capable of doing it alone". I saw manager and went back. I said to her about half an hour later. "Are we OK?I'm sorry if upset you earlier, didn't mean to make you feel bad" . She responded really angrily semi shouting "I can't talk about it now, I'm too angry" I was taken aback and said "What. Why not?" she again shouted 'I just can't, OK'. I walked away and we haven't spoken since. We only work with one other person and the atmosphere is quite bad. If we've had words before it's been brief. I don't take kindly to her trying to send me away like a child. She made a mountain out of a molehill i didn't plan to join her, just saw her and thought it would be useful if we both went. I honestly feel like complaining about her attitude and reaction. I don't like confrontation and obviously she won't talk to me about it. Would a complaint be ott?
Please be gentle, I tried to post in Relationships

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 12/04/2021 19:04

She should not shout at you but to be honest you should have taken the hint and just let her go alone, then not keep pestering her about it after. You sound a bit suffocating to work with.

Original poster
Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 19:14

Gosh, now I'm rethinking it as so many of you said it's because she wants to be seen as 'the one with all the ideas", taking credit. I can see that happening. As I said she has done it in the past and I've wondered why she is so adamant it shouldn't be 2 of us. She says it looks 'too much' but if it's an issue that affects us both equally, then I don't see why my manager would question why we are both there. Yes, it's her taking the credit isn't it? She's also part time ( through choice) and I am full time so I have wondered in the past if she's somehow threatened by that? I have been a mug really today. I apologised multiple times (she didn't apologise at all) and i even said "I won't step on your toes again"... God, I'm cringing now.

OP posts:
Shaz786o · 12/04/2021 19:16

Well without being outing are you able to say a bit about what the issue was?

VettiyaIruken · 12/04/2021 19:19

Sounds like she wants to control the narrative. I'd be wondering if I'm getting chucked under a bus tbh.

2020nymph · 12/04/2021 19:21

@BlueDahlia69

OP you need to be aware that she is Self Promoting.

Always running into the managers office, likely claiming all credit.

This. I worked with someone like this, later discovered that she was claiming credit for my ideas and making out that her fuckups were due to me.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 19:22

@Bbq1

Gosh, now I'm rethinking it as so many of you said it's because she wants to be seen as 'the one with all the ideas", taking credit. I can see that happening. As I said she has done it in the past and I've wondered why she is so adamant it shouldn't be 2 of us. She says it looks 'too much' but if it's an issue that affects us both equally, then I don't see why my manager would question why we are both there. Yes, it's her taking the credit isn't it? She's also part time ( through choice) and I am full time so I have wondered in the past if she's somehow threatened by that? I have been a mug really today. I apologised multiple times (she didn't apologise at all) and i even said "I won't step on your toes again"... God, I'm cringing now.

Glad you're seeing things a bit clearer now OP, now you know whats happening you can make sure you're voice is heard.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 19:23

your voice is heard

MichelleScarn · 12/04/2021 19:24

just that she is always first to speak to anyone, sometimes I feel I don't get a chance to put my point forward. We did talk about it at the end of the day and I apologised

But are you not ft and she's pt? So you don't ever speak to the manager on the days she's not there?

Original poster
Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 19:26

@Shaz786o

But if it involves both of them as a team?
Exactly.
OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 12/04/2021 19:26

And if she's part time- through choice as you point out, why would she be 'threatened' by you being full time?

Kat6901 · 12/04/2021 19:26

Do you have meetings with all of you?

Dery · 12/04/2021 19:29

“OP you need to be aware that she is Self Promoting.

Always running into the managers office, likely claiming all credit.”

Not RTFT but this with bells on. She may have an eye to future promotions or even future redundancies in which case she wants to be seen as less dispensable than other members of staff. I’m not criticising her for this, btw. It’s probably a fairly sensible way to proceed. Just make sure that you look after your own interests at work too.

SummerHouse · 12/04/2021 19:31

She behaved appallingly. You behaved like an adult and stood your ground. Well done. You have nothing to apologise for. She was really mean, some people are when they don't get their way. The kindest thing I can think is that perhaps it's not really about this and she has some other major shit going on.

Rise above.
Be professional and calm.
Don't apologise.

Ponypizzy · 12/04/2021 19:52

She is undermining you and pushing you out. Do you have 121 sessions with your manager? I’d raise it with them that you have concerns about working effectively as a team and being able to raise concerns in an appropriate manner. That way it has a more supportive spin than just having beef with your colleague. Definitely don’t let her get away with it.

Original poster
Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 21:09

Thanks for some really supportive, kind and encouraging replies. Unfortunately I can't explain the nature of the issue suffice to say it affected us all equally. Actually, with hindsight it affected me more as i was the first to be aware of the issue and was dealing with it. Our manager didn't have to be informed immediately but colleague chose the moment that I had just sorted it in the interim to run off to our manager. To the pp who said I was "suffocating" no, it's suffocating when you never get an opportunity to speak. To the pp who said I "was actively stopping her from speaking to her manager", I was doing the exact opposite, saying we could BOTH speak to her. It was the first time I had stood my ground and not scuttled off because colleague told me to go and she obviously didn't like it.

OP posts:
BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 21:11

good on you @Bbq1

no more apologising to her and stand your ground. 🌸

ElderMillennial · 12/04/2021 21:13

I think if she went to speak to the manager, unless you'd previously agreed you'd speak to the manager together, it's a bit weird if you to follow her and I can understand her feeling annoyed by it tbh.

ElderMillennial · 12/04/2021 21:15

If you wanted to speak to the manager, you could have.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 21:21

@ElderMillennial

I think if she went to speak to the manager, unless you'd previously agreed you'd speak to the manager together, it's a bit weird if you to follow her and I can understand her feeling annoyed by it tbh.

read the thread

cerealgamechanger · 12/04/2021 21:25

She's being trying to keep herself in the managers ear all this time with her 'just the one of us' meetings. I guarantee she's bathmouthed you all this time and is desperate to be the chosen one. Stop apologising and keep your whits about you going forward. I'd also start keeping a log of her behaviour/attitude. Her throwing your work pass at you is assault. I'd be reporting that.

ElderMillennial · 12/04/2021 21:38

BlueDahlia I've read it.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 21:40

@ElderMillennial

BlueDahlia I've read it.

if you've read the thread then your post makes no sense.

ElderMillennial · 12/04/2021 21:45

We don't have to agree BlueDahlia

If OP only wanted your opinion she'd have texted you rather than posting on Mumsnet Grin

Original poster
Bbq1 · 12/04/2021 22:29

Thanks BkueDahlia.

OP posts:
GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 12/04/2021 22:33

I think i would have a chat with HR if someone actually threw something at me in the office! She sounds unhinged.

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