Colleague and row

[Bbq1]

So, something happened in work this morning that we needed to speak to our manager about. Colleague who is the same level as me took it on herself to speak to manager. She's always pushy and outspoken but i just let it go as she's normally pleasant too. I went to deal with something else and saw her heading for the managers office and said "I'll come with you as I'd like to hear what manager says regarding X'. She then proceeded to say" it doesn't need 2 of us", kept telling me to "go back", "2 is too much" . I said I'm sure it's fine, it's am important issue. She kept telling me to leave so in the end I said "Well, why don't you go back then?". She literally threw my work pass at me and stormed off saying "I'm capable of doing it alone". I saw manager and went back. I said to her about half an hour later. "Are we OK?I'm sorry if upset you earlier, didn't mean to make you feel bad" . She responded really angrily semi shouting "I can't talk about it now, I'm too angry" I was taken aback and said "What. Why not?" she again shouted 'I just can't, OK'. I walked away and we haven't spoken since. We only work with one other person and the atmosphere is quite bad. If we've had words before it's been brief. I don't take kindly to her trying to send me away like a child. She made a mountain out of a molehill i didn't plan to join her, just saw her and thought it would be useful if we both went. I honestly feel like complaining about her attitude and reaction. I don't like confrontation and obviously she won't talk to me about it. Would a complaint be ott?
Please be gentle, I tried to post in Relationships

I can see why she is angry. She specifically asked to go and see the manager alone

I can see why she is angry. She specifically asked to go and see the manager alone

This is not what OP wants to hear though unfortunately

OP it is possible she is ambitious and trying to get attention / show herself in a good light but then maybe you need to try harder if that's your aim too. Don't follow her when she's going to see the manager, it is odd and I wouldn't appreciate that either. Use your own initiative. If you think of something you can do to help you get ahead then you do it but don't just follow her when she decides to have a conversation with someone.

I agree that this colleague is taking credit for raising issues alone with manager.

But I also think it’s inappropriate to have insisted you both go in there together - you can’t tell a colleague they can’t see a manager alone! I don’t think you acted well either. I get why you were eager to discuss the issue to be seen as a joint issue raised.

But in corporate world people will take credit for things, you need to work smarter.

People can go to talk to a manager 1 on 1 when they like & another colleague of the same level should not insist to be present.

It sounds like you should take more ownership of raising issues in future & stop running things past your colleague...and don’t try to barge in on any more meetings!

You could have gone to your manager after & said “I understand colleague raised this issue we were aware of which is great, I just have some thoughts about the issue wanted to run past you as well”

And then you could have had your moment too.

I would consider raising the issue of her throwing your name tag at you.

You could easily turn this around in your favour if you strategise.

Wanting to see a manager alone is fine when someone wants to talk about something that only, or mostly, affects them. This colleague wasn’t in that position, and seems to have appointed herself spokesperson for her peers. Her reaction was completely inappropriate. And yes, it’s fine for two people to approach a manager together about an issue. Sometimes they can have slightly different perspectives, which can be useful. It’s not ‘too much’.

OP, you’re not being unreasonable. Don’t back down.

Actually, with hindsight it affected me more as i was the first to be aware of the issue and was dealing with it.
If you were first made aware of issue and you were dealing with it, then of course you had every right to speak to your manager it at the same time as this awful pushy colleague who is clearly just sticking her beak in. She wasn’t even dealing with it then takes it upon herself to be the person to raise this with management? Absolutely not a chance would this fly with me. The fact that she threw something at you too goes to show how pathetic and unprofessional she is.

It may be “inappropriate” to tell a colleague she can’t speak to a manager alone, BUT when this issue was first in the hands of OP and had been dealt with by OP and not pushy colleague then she has every right to say, actually you’ve not been involved in this much so I would like to speak to management WITH you so the issue is related correctly and if you need to speak to them alone I will leave and you can do that after.

Stand up more and take initiative not to allow this pathetic woman to walk all over you and think she is some sort of go between for you and management.

I feel sorry for the manager

Relayed* not related

But OP can speak to her manager any time. Why does she only think of it after colleague does?

You snooze, you lose, OP.

It sounds to me you are not very proactive and maybe your colleague is.

Throwing things is not ok but this is a separate issue.

@RiojaRose

Wanting to see a manager alone is fine when someone wants to talk about something that only, or mostly, affects them. This colleague wasn’t in that position, and seems to have appointed herself spokesperson for her peers. Her reaction was completely inappropriate. And yes, it’s fine for two people to approach a manager together about an issue. Sometimes they can have slightly different perspectives, which can be useful. It’s not ‘too much’.

OP, you’re not being unreasonable. Don’t back down.

This sums the situation up well, @Riojarose. She does appoint herself as a spoksperson definitely. She has done it before and it's almost sneaky either while I'm actively dealing with an issue or straight afterwards. There's never any discussion about who should raise the issue or if indeed it even needs raising. Yes, I too think sometimes 2 people can be beneficial to add perspective etc. It seems, very important to her to see management alone.

@SmallPrawnEnergy

Actually, with hindsight it affected me more as i was the first to be aware of the issue and was dealing with it. If you were first made aware of issue and you were dealing with it, then of course you had every right to speak to your manager it at the same time as this awful pushy colleague who is clearly just sticking her beak in. She wasn’t even dealing with it then takes it upon herself to be the person to raise this with management? Absolutely not a chance would this fly with me. The fact that she threw something at you too goes to show how pathetic and unprofessional she is.

It may be “inappropriate” to tell a colleague she can’t speak to a manager alone, BUT when this issue was first in the hands of OP and had been dealt with by OP and not pushy colleague then she has every right to say, actually you’ve not been involved in this much so I would like to speak to management WITH you so the issue is related correctly and if you need to speak to them alone I will leave and you can do that after.

Stand up more and take initiative not to allow this pathetic woman to walk all over you and think she is some sort of go between for you and management.

Thank you, you get it @SmallPrawnEnergy. As I remember it, I was dealing with the issue and she left to discuss the matter. When she was telling me to "go back'' etc, I was telling her I thought it would be useful to speak to management WITH her not instead. It was only when she got quite unpleasant that I said" You go back then". Some pp"s think it was a personal matter for her but it absolutely wasn't and I would never, in a million years prevent any colleague speaking to management whenever they liked be it over a professional or personal matter. That is, however, what she was attempting to do to me.

@ElderMillennial

But OP can speak to her manager any time. Why does she only think of it after colleague does?

You snooze, you lose, OP.

It sounds to me you are not very proactive and maybe your colleague is.

Throwing things is not ok but this is a separate issue.

@ElderMillenial I know she can speak to our manager at any time but I am allowed that privilege too. It wasn't a case of "snoozing", it was the fact that I dealt with the issue at hand, then before we can briefly discuss it and decide on thr best course of action, she's running to the managers office. I am a very proactive person. On numerous occasions, I have raised complaints on behalf of other staff and spoken out challenging company wide changes. Staff have said to me in the past, I should be the union rep but that's not for me me. It's not a lack of proacticity, more the fact that she does it behind my back, for want of a better phrase.

You both sound kind nightmares. Who cares who tells the manager? Grow up.

It does not matter what the situation is, there is never ever any reason to shout at another person.

Moving forward keep your distance and unless necessary keep team/personnel discussions between you, the person involved and the manger. No-one else needs to know.

@Allwokedup

You both sound kind nightmares. Who cares who tells the manager? Grow up.

oh how mature

Allwokedup you are entirely missing the point. You aren't aware what the issue even is. I wouldn't want to work in an environment where people were saying 'Who cares who does what?'

OP she’s trying to take the credit and you can’t do anything about this.
What you CAN do however is make sure that your work is noticed and that everyone else is on your side.
I’ve had colleagues who keep running to manager for every small thing. They’re very free to do so because the rest of us were actually actively DEALING with issue.
Find a way to swan in after her and diplomatically emphasise yours and others roles in fixing things. Because I suspect she’s stealing all the credit and badmouthing all of you

I think what Allwokedup means is in a team you work together and the manager probably doesn't care who does what as long as the job is done.

Don't find a way to follow her. Just use your own brain first and go to your manager when you consider it necessary.