Is this a red flag?

[FriedTomatoe]

Been dating a really nice man for 3 months now. We have a lot in common and get on really well together. There's only one issue- he refuses to drive to see me. The reason is because 7 days a week he volunteers for meals on wheels and is "too tired" to make drive to see me (1 hrs 15 mins) afterwards. The first month of dating him, he kept on saying how he would make the effort.

In the past I've been really rubbish at spotting red flags in a relationship and just want to know if this would be one?

Yes. This is a red flag. His needs come first and you are running about after him. He is showing you who he is. Believe him.

Hmm, so how do you see each other then? Do you go to him? Or do you meet halfway?

Sorry, posted too soon. I think taking turns to drive to each other's places would be fair, given the circumstances.
But if he expects you to travel to him every time, that's clearly not on!

Are you an Uber op?
Relationships aren't delivered.. They need mutual respect.. He has none for you or your relationship..

He said in the 1st month he'd make the effort. 2 months on, he's not making the effort.
No effort in a relationship= no relationship.

He isn't making the effort to see you. So does this mean any plans for a weekend are out of the question because he's too tired?

So far I have been to his most weeks - except for our first 2 dates where we met outside. I haven't minded because up until a few weeks ago it was easier for me but now work has gone back to normal and I don't want to be doing it unless there's a good reason.

1hr 15mins is a long drive. What do you mean he "refuses"? How do you get to see eachother? Do you drive to him?

Not wishing to stereotype here, but is he older? So his “only” job is the voluntary one? Does that equate to full time hours?

@FriedTomatoe

So far I have been to his most weeks - except for our first 2 dates where we met outside. I haven't minded because up until a few weeks ago it was easier for me but now work has gone back to normal and I don't want to be doing it unless there's a good reason.

Crossposted. Does he work AND volunter 7x a week?

Yes red flag.

So if you didn't drive to him, you wouldn't see him? That's completely one sided. You should congratulate yourself on spotting this red flag. 💐

Think his excuse is pretty feeble. If he likes you he should share the travel load and not expect you to do it all. I dislike the overuse of the phrase ‘red flag’ . Rather, I’d say if he’s not willing to put in the effort, particularly at the start of a relationship, then neither are you.

I suspect he's learned he really only wants to date in his home town, or maybe he's not that in to you.

So far I have been to his most weeks - except for our first 2 dates where we met outside.

He basically just wants a shag to show up at his house. Minimal effort. Ditch him. You deserve better.

Being 'driven to' can be harder, though. You have to tidy up, make meals etc.

He definitely doesn't tidy his house anymore. Usually, he's just getting home from work when I arrive.

Lol yes. Cheeky sod.

7 days a week he volunteers for meals on wheels

Does he really? Have you seen photos of him doing it? I've never met anyone who does volunteering 7 days week. Even if that's true and he farts sunrays, he's putting volunteering above making an effort with you.

HumunaHey Yes, he does work and do voluntary work on top of that. I really liked that about him when I met him.

Its a Red flag from Jackie.
NEXXXXT!

How does he do meals on wheels and a regular job? Isn't he working when it's lunch time?

EarthSight I love your perspective about farming Sundays 🤣. It's definitely true. There are pictures on his FB page of it and on Sundays he volunteers in his Church.

If he was really interested he'd make the effort.

Farting sunrays

What he's telling you is you're not important enough to make any effort for, and that's only 3 months in when he should be excited to see you. Sorry.