Think it’s over because of my snoring - feel helpless

[Lunafeline]

I’ve tried nasal sprays and a nose ring, now he’s gone downstairs to sleep. He’s never done that before. He’s not being horrible about it but he’s getting very frustrated with the lack of sleep. I don’t know what to do but to walk away because I feel so ashamed.
I understand how it feels to be sleep deprived and it’s only a matter of time before he resents me for it. I can’t bare the thought of that. I don’t think anyone can help, just need a handhold as I feel heartbroken x

Can you sleep in separate rooms?

Have you tried something like CBD oil. Get checked out for sleep apnoea first though.

Don't feel ashamed OP - this isn't your fault.

I snore when I sleep on my back so I have trained myself to sleep on my side and that seems to have worked.

But my parents sleep in separate rooms because of my dad's snoring, and they've been happily married for over 50 years.

No it’s not possible at the moment. Lack of spare bedroom x

Also you need to calm down a bit as you are taking it very personally.
If he is like me he probably just wants to sleep.
My husband wants to do the i feel so bad chat when he has snoring episodes and honestly having to regulate someone else's upset while really tired is no fun.
He also feels a bit ashamed/bad about it but he shouldn't.

I think you need to treat is as a factual issue to be addressed
Have you been to the doctor?

So why don't you get a sofa bed and sleep on the sofa? Why are you leaving him to go downstairs when you are the one who snores?
Snoring is awful and nobody should be expected to sleep next to one, but it's easily fixed by the snorer sleeping elsewhere.

Have you been to the GP? Do you know the reason why you're snoring? Often there are things that can be done.

Earplugs?

I agree with Pp - book a doctor’s appointment and in the meantime, be the person who sleeps elsewhere, but do it in a cheerful spirit (ie don’t be a martyr about it all or he’ll feel bad!)
He doesn’t sound as if he’s being mean about it so hopefully he will appreciate your efforts.
Good luck op! I hope it works out xxx

Have you tried an anti snoring mouth guard? It's worked wonders for my lifelong snoring DH.

I haven’t been to doctor as he insisted it wasn’t that bad. I will book appointment though, I want to find a solution.
He has earplugs but it doesn’t seem to help. I’m mortified

I think ending a relationship over snoring is very extreme. I have slept in a seperate room to my DH for 10 years due to his snoring and don't resent him for it.

My DH took my need to sleep personally for YEARS and it actually brought us far closer to splitting than if he had just accepted that I love him but cannot function on years and years of being woken 10 times a night.

He took the view that he couldn't help it and if I loved him I would put up with it and it brought us to our knees. I just wanted to be able to sleep without being made to feel guilty or told that I didn't care for my DH.

When he eventually accepted the issue we tried all sorts (I can't wear ear plugs due to needing to hear the kids and also tendency to ear infections that they significantly exacerbated) and found that propping himself up on 4 pillows works remarkably well. Since then he rarely snores, on the rare occasions that he does I can handle it or leave without being made to feel bad. Those two extra pillows possibly saved our relationship!

Please allow him to sleep without making him feel bad. He knows you can't help it but no one can live for years on constantly disturbed sleep.

Are you overweight op? I was and a terrible snorer- I've lost 2 stone and am snoring much less now!

I know he needs sleep and it’s seems my snoring has got worse over the past year. My previous job involved wearing heavy PPE and it really seemed to affect my sinuses. I’m in a new job and haven’t had to wear the mask for 4 weeks, now my snoring is worse. I’m going to try and calm down as I know he will be tired and don’t want to make him feel worse.

I’m very petite and slim. I’ll have to go to doctors as I can’t think of a reason why it’s got so bad

I found changing a soft pillow for a firm one made a massive difference, I was verging on being a problem snorer, I was becoming aware of being prodded awake through the night.
Can't remember the brand name but they're memory foam which have a side that stops your head getting so hot.

You may have a polyp in your nose which could be removed.

Yeah you can go to the doctors. Maybe try going to sleep after him so he can get into a deeper sleep first if you can. Don’t take it that he doesn’t love you though, sleep is super important

Have you tried breathe right strips?

Have you tried looking at your diet in any way? Too much dairy including Easter chocolate will block my sinuses making more congestion.

I agree with earlier advice to not take his reaction so personally and dramatically. You don’t want to make him feel bad for needing to remove himself for sleep. All you can do is go to the doctor and try various things, be apologetic, but don’t go overboard. It’s not your fault you snore but equally it isn’t his fault is he needs to go elsewhere to get some sleep. Good luck OP.

You need to try more and get to the doctors. It’s horrible living with a snorer, it really is.

It’s also awful for your own health too.

It might be worth recording yourself overnight. I did and I was horrified. I thought my DH was exaggerating. Anyway I wasn’t overweight. Just at the top of my BMI to be considered OK but I lost a stone and haven’t snored since.
Definitely speak to your GP.

I agree with others- it's not a personal failing to snore and I cant see why someone would end a happy relationship for it. I feel you are catastrophising about it a bit, which isnt helping how you feel.

Do you wear a Fitbit or anything that tells you how you sleep? Snoring is a health issue and can indicate disorders which will impact your wellbeing over time (not just your DH). Go to the GP, and highlight your history of sinus issues