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Original poster

Passion after 40.. is it possible?!

73 replies

grapefruitforest · 09/04/2021 23:50

I've been in a long distance relationship for 8 months. We're both in our early 40s, divorced, with children. We have no plans to move in together in the future or blend our families.

So, I think we should just be enjoying each other at such an early stage with no commitment. romance, staying up late chatting and getting to know each other better, lots of passion!

Last night my boyfriend came to bed, played on his phone, farted a lot, and gave me a peck on the cheek before falling asleep. It was our last night together for a while, he went home today. This is just an example, but it's generally how our relationship is.

Is this really it? I'd rather be single again than this. (My bf does know how I feel about this, I've told him, he doesn't seem to get my point though and says he loves me so much and proves it by coming to visit me etc) Does what I want exist at this stage in life?! I would love to hear some positive stories! (Or even just that I'm past the passionate stage and I should stay single!)

OP posts:
MrsMaizel · 09/04/2021 23:55

When was the last time you had sex ?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2021 00:01

Last night my boyfriend came to bed, played on his phone, farted a lot, and gave me a peck on the cheek before falling asleep. It was our last night together for a while, he went home today. This is just an example, but it's generally how our relationship is.

Nope. Hard and fast pass. He's not even trying, is he? I'm 48, married almost 25 years and my husband and I are still passionate with/for each other. Obviously not swinging from chandeliers every night, but we still fancy each other enormously. You're only 8 months in and it's shit. You can do better.

BouquetsAndBalls · 10/04/2021 00:01

It does exist! Don't settle for that.

I was single for years after my divorce but I had an 18 month relationship with a lovely man when I was 48. We laughed constantly, had fantastic sex, couldn't wait to see each other and, if he needed to fart, he left the room Grin

I'd still hear it but that just made up roar anyway.

Sadly, our kids being such different ages meant we broke up but you shouldn't give up on passion. No way. You deserve more.

BouquetsAndBalls · 10/04/2021 00:02

*made us

MajorNeville · 10/04/2021 00:06

I'm 53 and dh is 49, still plenty of passion here.

Pviolet · 10/04/2021 00:06

It’s absolutely possible, I’ve very recently had an in bed lots of sex, break to eat, lots of sex day!

Original poster
grapefruitforest · 10/04/2021 00:10

Thank you! That makes me feel so much better! He really doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I don't mind if he doesn't want sex every night, but a proper kiss and cuddle and some sort of connection would be nice, rather than turned away from me on his phone. It feels like I'm still in the honeymoon period and he checked out of it at about month 4!

OP posts:
Original poster
grapefruitforest · 10/04/2021 00:11

@Pviolet

It’s absolutely possible, I’ve very recently had an in bed lots of sex, break to eat, lots of sex day!
I want one of those...! 🤣 Thank you for the Hope!
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/04/2021 00:12

Not sure what being 40 has to do with anything. DH is mid 40s, 3 DC, never heard him fart and he’d far rather have a shag than play on his phone.

This is not a keeper. You know that. Chuck him out.

Original poster
grapefruitforest · 10/04/2021 00:18

@AnneLovesGilbert I was single for a few years before I met him. My last relationship was with my children's father which was full of passion and connection at this stage of it. I suppose I'm connecting it to my age and situation in life because it's been so long and I'm in such a different life stage.

I've told my bf I don't think we're compatible. It's not worth arguing over. He says he's happy with our relationship and he really can't understand why I'm not.

OP posts:
B1rdflyinghigh · 10/04/2021 00:18

You're not happy...end it. Find someone who doesn't fart in bed.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/04/2021 00:25

If he’s not listening to you or respecting your valid opinion chuck him back even quicker!

You deserve to feel cherished and desired.

Pviolet · 10/04/2021 00:33

You can end a relationship for any reason you like, you don’t have to settle. You deserve someone who thinks you are the most interesting, fun, attractive, sexiest person on the planet, acts that way and treats you accordingly!

RiverSkater · 10/04/2021 00:36

@AnneLovesGilbert

Not sure what being 40 has to do with anything. DH is mid 40s, 3 DC, never heard him fart and he’d far rather have a shag than play on his phone.

This is not a keeper. You know that. Chuck him out.

You've never heard your DH fart? My DP farts constantly, it's like breathing to him.
Original poster
grapefruitforest · 10/04/2021 00:36

@Pviolet

You can end a relationship for any reason you like, you don’t have to settle. You deserve someone who thinks you are the most interesting, fun, attractive, sexiest person on the planet, acts that way and treats you accordingly!
I needed to hear that. Thank you. I don't mind if I don't find that person.

It's really difficult to end a relationship with someone who you love and who says they love you though. He's a good guy and they're hard to find. I just need more from a relationship.

OP posts:
Grimsknee · 10/04/2021 01:13

Love is about acts, not just words. It's pathetic of him to respond to requests for more romance/respect/connection with "But I love you so much I show up to your house!". Words are not enough.

Fwiw I'm mid 50s, been married 30+ years, any farts in bed (from me or him!) are accidental and followed by a "pardon me". Obviously mature love is different from youthful love, but there's still passion there. Key to long-lasting passion is mutual respect, keeping some things mysterious/private, and not taking each other for granted.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2021 01:31

How much does he really love you though when he dismisses your concerns and needs? All he seems to care about is that it works for him.

That's not love.

PermanentTemporary · 10/04/2021 01:34

Bloody hell! Admittedly I'm only 5 months in and we don't get to see each other much because lockdown, but we can't get enough of each other when we actually get to meet, and we take snacks to bed because we're there so long. We're in our 50s.

jessstan2 · 10/04/2021 01:36

grapefruitforest: ... I think we should just be enjoying each other at such an early stage with no commitment. romance, staying up late chatting and getting to know each other better, lots of passion!
....
Yes.

Don't settle for less than you want.

Eight months isn't long, keep options open. Life is for living.

isitsummertimeyet · 10/04/2021 01:37

mid 40s here, been together 16 years now, still have the bedroom funky chicken dance at least twice a week and its always good..

he wants to play candy crush rather than pleasure you he needs to be binned..

StarlightLady · 10/04/2021 04:12

Early 40s here. Passion makes my world go round.

House rules. No shoes worn in the house. No phones in bed unless there is an emergency.

In these circumstances of him going away, l would expect an extra celebration in the middle of the night or the morning.

Leavethedooropen · 10/04/2021 04:25

No, why would you put up with that?

The bed to yourself would be better.

It’s not enough that he ‘loves you’ and ‘shows up.’

Yes there is passion between couples at your age and older. I divorced at 49 and I can vouch for that.

stoopider · 10/04/2021 05:05

It’s not a keeper. Seems sad and passionless.

Parkerwhereareyou · 10/04/2021 05:27

Sounds a bit ropey to me, OP. Not to do with being 40. He’s just comfy and can’t be arsed.

I don’t think passion is to do with age (hasn’t been so far for me) - it’s a question of putting it centre stage in your life. There are times when this might have to be a deliberate choice, action. Sounds like your bf isn’t bothered, but wants the security and snugness of a relationship.

My experience in my 40s is if anything a more intense and curious sense of passion, a kind of omg yes just do it.

I’m not sure your bf would do it for me! I think this is who he is now he’s got comfortable... roll on the next 30 years. Do you want that?

ButtonMoony · 10/04/2021 05:40

Nope sorry,not for me.

Both early 40s, together 2 years, live together so see each other everyday (Alllllll daaaayyyy every day latelyHmm)

The number of days we haven't dtd at least once since getting together would probably be countable on your hands. Only really ever happens when one of us is sick or too pissed/stoned.

No passion would be a deal breaker for me after 8 years never mind 8 months.

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