Ex and I broke up just before Christmas. We had been together 5 years. He said we should talk about us, we'd become more like friends than a couple, things had 'fizzled out' between us. And there was truth in that, but it had been more on his side than mine. Of course, until I probed, he didn't volunteer the information that he'd been seeing someone behind my back since September. And after more probing, suspicions I had at various times over the past few years were also confirmed.
There was one woman who participated in an a sports club ex and I were part of who just stopped coming about 2 years ago. She and I got on really well. I had welcomed her into the group about 12 months previously, given her advice on equipment, etc. Made sure she knew about social events and so on. We had great conversations and really clicked. She was older than me (about 14 years, closer in age to my ex) and felt like she was someone who gave me good advice from the perspective of someone older. She suddenly stopped attending the club and cut contact with me. I knew deep down it had something to do with my ex. We didn't advertise our relationship at the club and I suspected she hadn't realised and had asked him out, he turned her down, told her he was seeing me, and then she was too embarassed to come back. It turns out that was almost what had happened. She asked him out, he said yes, they went out and only then he told her he was seeing me. She was too embarassed to come back to the club. They didn't start a 'relationship' but they stayed in contact, met for lunch a few times as her office was very near where he lives. He admitted to me that they had sporadic email contact and she would check in to see what his 'situation' was, i.e. was he single yet. I don't believe they slept together while he was still with me.
I don't believe the woman he was cheating on me with just before we broke up is going to develop into anything serious. I think he has probably already embarked on some sort of relationship with the woman above and even if he is 'playing the field' for now, she will ultimately be the one he will start to see exclusively. And it is that that kills me. She is arguably better than me in every way. She is extremely attractive, successful in a prestigious profession, has much better income than me, is interesting and intelligent, lives in a beautiful house, has access to a lovely holiday home. Of course he would prefer her to me. She is amazing. I thought she was amazing! I really, really liked her. Unbelievably, after he confirmed that yes, she had stopped coming to the club because of him, I considered contacting her to say to stop feeling guilty, she didn't know about me and him. Only after a later conversation with him did I find out that she had stayed in contact with him after the initial dinner together.
I feel like he will be proud and chuffed to be associated with her in a way he never was with me, that she is a much better 'catch'. She can offer him so much more. It makes me feel so worthless. My crappy flat and my boring job. My lack of success. I feel I have nothing to offer anyone. I know some of you might say, well at least you are a nice, honest, loyal person who doesn't cheat, unlike her, but she IS arguably a nice person, albeit one who has done something shitty. And I don't doubt she feels a bad about it, but ultimately, she probably really likes him and went with her heart in this case rather than doing the right thing.
So, yeah, how do you cope when OW is arguably better than you in almost every way?