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Original poster

Can I get some perspective on DH's drinking?

65 replies

namechangedforthis2021 · 07/04/2021 19:52

Dh has always drank a lot (in my opinion). He thinks it's normal . He doesn't always get visibly drunk but sometimes it does effect him. I'm going to give just a few example and can people tell me how you'd feel if your dp drank this much on these occasions
Pre lock down:
My dads 70 birthday lunch (so midday) dh orders at least the equivalent of a bottle of wine to himself . I was pregnant so had nothing . No one else had more than one alcoholic drink
We go out for meal when ds was about 3 months old, again at midday. Im driving . He had 1 pint 1 large red wine and 1 double whiskey . Had a nap when he got in

If he drives I only have 1 or none . I'm not sure if it's the time of day that bothers me or the fact I just wouldn't do it , am I just a prude?

There are many more examples. Also he can quite regularly have at least 1 bottle of wine on a work night

OP posts:

YouWerePrettyIWasLonely · 07/04/2021 20:05

It sounds ok to me. I think impairing yourself at midday is selfish when you're the parent of a small child leaving the sober parent doing it all. I'm from a big Irish/Greek/Italian family so a few wines at a daytime celebration is not unusual.

Calmingvibrations · 07/04/2021 20:08

1 bottle of wine a work night, quite regularly sounds pretty heavy to me.

LolaSmiles · 07/04/2021 20:09

I think a bottle of wine at midday is a lot, especially at an occasion where nobody else is drinking more than 1.
Equally regularly having a bottle of wine to himself on a night would be concerning to me, but then according to some of here this would make me a prude and I know of people who think regular drinking on an evening is somehow less of a concern if you're a nice professional drinking wine.

LST · 07/04/2021 20:09

I drink more than I should. I sound a bit like your dh. It is too much really. But its whether you can talk to him about and tell him to stop.

Runway · 07/04/2021 20:11

It’s probably too much if you go by guidelines but it doesn’t sound like it’s problematic in other ways. Having a bottle of wine at a celebration is totally normal.

expectopelargonium · 07/04/2021 20:11

He's drinking far too much, and his consumption has gone beyond 'social' drinking. He'll deny it of course, and say that everybody does it, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a killjoy.

People might say "Oh that's fine" but actually it's not. Being able to put away a whole bottle of wine and then be able to go to work the next day is not something to aspire to. I sincerely hope he doesn't drive there.

btwwhichonespink · 07/04/2021 20:14

That sounds okay to me. As someone whose ex-h drank 10-15 cans of beer a night after work (and was rarely drunk!) this seems like a normal amount if he's not drinking loads at home too.

wandawombat · 07/04/2021 20:14

Why don't you tot up the units?

It sounds like the Adrian Chile's account of his drinking.

Runway · 07/04/2021 20:14

He’d be absolutely fine to drive at, say 8am if he drank a bottle of wine and finished by midnight.

LST · 07/04/2021 20:15

@expectopelargonium

He's drinking far too much, and his consumption has gone beyond 'social' drinking. He'll deny it of course, and say that everybody does it, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a killjoy.

You say its not 'normal' but it actually is. There are a lot in my family and friends that drink a bottle of wine every other night and work. I do sometimes. Its not something to aspire to no, but if they are willing for a conversation about it and to cut down there is no need for the judgement in your post.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2021 20:16

It is excessive for the context, so yes, I think it is a problem

Is he always the one that drinks the most on any given occasion ?

Sexnotgender · 07/04/2021 20:17

What does a typical week look like alcohol wise for him?

Original poster

namechangedforthis2021 · 07/04/2021 20:19

@AnyFucker see I think this is my problem
If he was out with his mates day drinking then fair enough
It just seems that it's any opportunity. I think what he drank at the random meal out with just me and ds was excessive considering we were only there long enough to eat a one course meal
It's the context

OP posts:

Fuzzywuzzyface · 07/04/2021 20:20

I think you have to put it in context.. does he drink the equivalent of a bottle of wine every night -every night it would be excessive. Does it stop him getting up and or doing his job? Does it change his mood.

Original poster

namechangedforthis2021 · 07/04/2021 20:22

@Fuzzywuzzyface most nights yes
Sometimes it effects him sometimes it doesn't
Some weekends he has drank a box of wine to himself in one night

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/04/2021 20:25

Isn’t there 3 bottles in one box of wine ???

Crosstrainer · 07/04/2021 20:25

It’s a lot - too much to be healthy - but not beyond the bounds of reasonable behaviour, if you see what I mean. A bottle of wine at a birthday lunch would have me under the table, but if he’s a big chap, it probably wouldn’t floor him. Every night would be excessive, but at a party/special occasion wouldn’t be a big deal.

steppemum · 07/04/2021 20:25

I think it is all about context.
So, if he is the only one drinking like this at a lunchtime party, then that is odd.

If he drinks several evenings a week, then that's not good.

But I know people who drink this much and think they are fine, and some who drink this much and definitley have a problem.

Some things to think about - can he go without a drink? Can he choose to go for a week without a drink?

ByTheSea · 07/04/2021 20:26

That was my DH's drinking 10 years ago. I'd think he is now has a full-fledged stage 4 functional alcohol use disorder (in other words chronic alcoholism - my diagnosis, he refuses to seek hellp - and is showing physical and mental signs (red face, distended tummy, morning shakes, personality changes and more but never abusive) and since we are WFH, hiding and sneak-drinking). He will not admit this or get help and I'm pretty much done, stick a fork in me. 😥

If your DH can turn it around now, he really should.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2021 20:27

A box of wine in one night ? That is not something you can rationalise.

Cooltalkin · 07/04/2021 20:32

Box of wine is 3 litres not 3 bottles , that sounds excessive
And is binge drinking

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 07/04/2021 20:33

A few years ago, a close friend from high school told me she had a drinking problem. It was quite extreme, but as a result of it, I had to re evaluate my own relationship with alcohol, and although I didn't go down the AA method, I was at least honest with myself, and identified for me, several trigger points:

Using wine by the clock - oh, it's 17:00. Time for wine. Being anxious about when it was, 'acceptable to drink..'
Getting agitated if the kids had a late pick up and I had to drive. In other words, I couldn't have a glass of wine until I got back .
Being able to see friends post lock down and immediately opening bottle of wine.

I stopped drinking altogether for several months, and now only have a couple of glasses on the weekend if at all, but I did need to break the habit.

Look at the units he is drinking. Add it up and have a conversation.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 07/04/2021 20:36

@btwwhichonespink

That sounds okay to me. As someone whose ex-h drank 10-15 cans of beer a night after work (and was rarely drunk!) this seems like a normal amount if he's not drinking loads at home too.

Jesus Christ, 10-15 a night?! I'm from a family that probably drinks too much and blames it on our country of origin which is ridiculous as only my grandparents actually lived there! But 10-15 cans an evening is absolutely loads especially if he wasn't drunk. Glad he's an ex to you, well done for getting out!

pog100 · 07/04/2021 20:39

it isn't so much the amounts, though these are excessive if regular, but it seems to me he is reacting like an 'addict'. Relishing any opportunity to over indulge, going to excesses at times ( a box of wine in one night is without doubt problem drinking), and drinking differently from those around him. It will be hard to get him to recognise it though, because this level of problem is all too frequent in our society,

Cooltalkin · 07/04/2021 20:39

Some are 3 bottles but some are 3 litres
Have you talked to him about it ?

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