Can I get some perspective on DH's drinking?

[namechangedforthis2021]

Dh has always drank a lot (in my opinion). He thinks it's normal . He doesn't always get visibly drunk but sometimes it does effect him. I'm going to give just a few example and can people tell me how you'd feel if your dp drank this much on these occasions
Pre lock down:
My dads 70 birthday lunch (so midday) dh orders at least the equivalent of a bottle of wine to himself . I was pregnant so had nothing . No one else had more than one alcoholic drink
We go out for meal when ds was about 3 months old, again at midday. Im driving . He had 1 pint 1 large red wine and 1 double whiskey . Had a nap when he got in

If he drives I only have 1 or none . I'm not sure if it's the time of day that bothers me or the fact I just wouldn't do it , am I just a prude?

There are many more examples. Also he can quite regularly have at least 1 bottle of wine on a work night

@UnsolicitedDickPic this is how I feel. He will seek any opportunity to have a drink
It feels very disrespectful
I've told him I don't like it but that makes no difference to him

A box of wine in one go is a major red flag.
Choosing his booze by percentage is a red flag too.
The fact he doesn’t get drunk shows he has developed a tolerance. Not good.
Rarely having a day off. Not good.
He won’t stop because you tell him to.
Sounds like he is regularly drinking too much and not in control.
The only thing you can control is your response.

@namechangedforthis2021 Yep, DP has ruined many an event with it. Very rarely would anyone drink to the same extent. I would see the eye rolling and muttering as he blundered drunkenly through another family gathering, which he wouldn't see because he was too drunk to notice.

It has made me resent him, and consequently has had a significant impact on our relationship. Ironically, lockdown made him reassess some of his past behaviour and he has totally scaled back his drinking. But I will never completely trust him around alcohol.

I'm not sure what advice I can give you, especially if he can't see for himself that his drinking is a problem. But you might wish to seek out some IRL support, because sometimes the weight of it is crushing.

This thread is making me feel very sad as someone who suffers from Non Alcohol related liver disease it is beyond my comprehension how someone would knowingly, and happily damage their body like this.

@HazelBite because they have an addiction perhaps....for numerous complicated reasons.....it’s not a choice they just decide to take one day to spite others.

He is a heavy drinker. I don't know anyone who drinks this much this often.
Could you get him to try this? www.drinkaware.co.uk/tools/unit-and-calorie-calculator

@Runway

He’d be absolutely fine to drive at, say 8am if he drank a bottle of wine and finished by midnight.

Ten units a bottle, an hour per unit...not something I'd want to risk my licence for.

I think it’s ‘normal’ in the sense that people often do this. I don’t think it’s healthy.

I drink very little and would feel very sick and unwell most of the following day if I had a bottle of wine to myself.

However, that’s not to say you should police his drinking......

My DP can get through the best part of a load of bread in a day with rounds of toast and jam. I wouldn’t and it’s not healthy, but...........

Assuming he doesn’t start and finish drinking at midnight then it’s fine.....starts drinking at 7 fine to drive by 4am. Not really risking anything is it?

My alcoholic mother drinks a bottle of vodka every night so I’m probably not best places to answer this. 28 units a night, 7 nights a week. She is 70! Amazing she has lived this long!

Dr David Nutt's book/audiobook Drink is worth a read/listen on the health implications of alcohol from the pov of an expert scientist who enjoys a drink amd has honestly explored the risks involved.

Lots of people drink similarly to your husband. They'd all benefit from drinking less.

@HazelBite

This thread is making me feel very sad as someone who suffers from Non Alcohol related liver disease it is beyond my comprehension how someone would knowingly, and happily damage their body like this.

I'm sorry for your illness.

However, that really isn't how it works. No alcoholic is happy or happily doing anything.

I think the big issue is the context it's in. In both the examples you have given it's not a 'drinking' event. Lunch out with a 3 month old should not need beer, wine and spirits. Different if it was a long boozy lunch with friends.

To me the issue was that the person with the alcohol issue looks for an opportunity to drink. And will then drink over what would be 'usual' for that occasion.

@UnsolicitedDickPic your DP sounds literally identical to my DH in behaviours. And my reactions are very similar to yours too. I can't stand him drinking, I can't really be bothered to drink at home anymore or with him because it's ruined as a pass time as far as I'm concerned. Not really sure what to do. I'm currently re-evaluating everything.

@clocktwelve Ironically, lockdown has made DP really reassess his drinking and he now drinks significantly less than he used to. Whether that will be a permanent change, only time will tell. Obviously not having access to pubs has helped.

For my part, I'm hanging on by a thread.