Did anyone else have a childhood where they felt like an inconvenience?

[ItsaMinorThing]

Please be kind. I'm feeling pretty shit right now for a number of reasons (have name changed). I'm currently in counselling anyway.

This isn't the severity of the Stately Homes Threads. Or maybe it is?

I have 2 older siblings. I know I was a 'happy accident' raised in the 80s.

I would say we were middle class, normal, nuclear type family. Never ever went without.

BUT

I now have 2 teenagers and it's made me reflect back on my own past. So the other night we were all watching (and belly laughing) at something on TV. I can never think of a time when we had fun as a family.

We did lots of activities and we would get lifts to hobbies, but we were all very 'separate'. Nobody really wanted to spend time together. We sort of existed as housemates. My parents had no interest in who my friends were.

If we needed help with homework then that could be given, but it wouldn't be offered. It would be an inconvenience.

I always felt like I was an inconvenience. There was never any affection or vocal demonstrations of love.

Was this just how it was? Am I being unrealistic? I know there is nothing abusive or even neglectful here but it's just made me rather sad.

Can I just confirm I am definitely not looking for an apology. I just feel a bit lost and useless right now.

It's interesting hearing other people's reflections but please don't misinterpret my post as thinking I'm owed anything or have been abused.

I'm just a bit sad about a few things and this is nagging at me.

Funnily enough my mum used to tell me she loved me all the time, but the fact that she stayed with my stepdad and the other things she would say to me when they were arguing made me feel different!
Glad you're focusing on the positives, however you can't help the way that you feel!

Thanks all. The Philippa Perry book is brilliant.

She talks specifically about regulators and facilitators. It's really helpful.

I've also got a book called 'The obstacle is the Way' about stoicism. I heard the author talking about it on a podcast I listen to.

Anyway I have decided to take a little break from social media as I'm getting stressed and anxious (more than normal) and the best way is just to 'switch off' for a while.

Thankyou everyone for your posts. Lots to think about

I think this is just the way Gen X was raised. I think benign neglect was pretty standard.

Sometimes when our children get to a certain age it triggers memories for us of when we were that age . So you may be going through something like that. I think it's good to be aware of pain when it comes up as that's how healing happens. Writing a journal may help to bring the memories out..so you can let them go..not so you can go back to your parents with them as l know you don't intend to do that.
I was brought up in the 60s and while our dps were very interested in our lives there was no hugs or words of l love you like there is now with my own.
As my parents got elderly and needed care we were able to bring that to them. I would have to help my dm into bed then l would hug and kiss her goodnight and l found then she could respond. It's like they genuinely couldn't do it as had never been taught or experienced it. There was tremendous healing in that for me.